The Apostle Page #5

I'll just buzz him for you.

He may be on the air at the moment.

- You can sit down.

- That's all right. No.

- Can I get you some coffee?

- No, thank you. Working hard?

Hardly working!

- They're slave-drivers, are they?

- Well, no. They keep me busy.

- There's lots of lulls, too.

- What you got, Toosie?

Mr EF's here to see you.

- The Apostle. Send him up.

- Just go on up.

I'll see you in a bit.

- It was good to meet you.

- Yeah. Ditto.

d Ooh, that's why I need ya

Ooh, that's why I love ya

d Ooo... that's why I need ya

Da da da d

- Sir.

- Apostle. How you been?

- Good morning.

- Pull up a chair.

- What can I do for the Apostle?

- How did you know I was an apostle?

- News spreads. What can I do for you today?

- I'll tell you.

I'd like to get on the radio to promote

a church I'm trying to get going for the Lord.

Have you had any religious spots

that you sold to preachers to air on?

- You bet I have.

- So, how did it work out?

I've had a number of preachers.

Some good and some not so good.

- How so?

- Well, some have been all right.

- Others skipped town before they paid me.

- Is that right?

So it's got to be a pay-before-you-pray deal.

That's what I tell everybody.

There haven't been many lately.

It's a pay-before-you-pray.

That's for those looking to pass through.

- I don't blame you.

- One other thing.

No fancy stuff. Only the King's English.

No speaking in tongues over these airwaves.

- I can understand that.

- What kind of preacher are you, anyway?

Well, I can preach on the Holy Trinity,

Old and New Testament, hell, resurrection.

You name it, I can do it.

I can preach on the Devil backwards

and forwards, anything, but no tongues.

That sounds good.

We'd have to get some money in here

while you got the word out over the air.

Absolutely, make ends meet.

- It's Elmo's place.

- Elmo, he's all over, isn't he?

He's something!

He's got his fingers in almost everything,

I guess.

- That's your house?

- Yes, sir. That's it.

Where did you learn about cars?

From my brother. He used to race them

out at Fresno, California.

Anything I know, he taught me.

My brother Robbie, he really is an expert.

That ain't no race car or nothing,

but that's it, right there.

Looks like you could get someplace

in a hurry in it!

It ain't going nowhere right now.

It's just pretty much sitting there.

- I plan to get it... It's got a 350 in it and...

- Looks good.

- Looks like you know what you're doing.

- I've been trying.

- I've been working for about four years.

- By the way, I'm the Apostle EF.

- People do call me EF.

- I'm Sam, EF.

- I'm not going to put you out, staying?

- I got plenty of room.

Don't even worry about that.

It's just me, so you're welcome.

I want to paint it black and everything, but...

Do you like it?

Lord, I'm not mad.

I'll never be mad at you ever again.

I know you're leading me.

You led me right to Sam.

He's a nice little fella. I know you love him

just as I know you love me.

So whithersoever thou leadest,

I will follow.

There she is.

I pastored here over 27 years

till my health broke down.

Where has everybody gone to? Your flock?

They're all spread out or gone on.

I don't know if you'd be interested in it.

It's just a thought.

I want it.

I'd fight ten men over it. I would.

Glory!

Let me tell you something. Hold on now.

Here's what I'm going to need.

All right, now.

Resurrection time.

I need about 29, 30 gallons of white paint,

five gallons of another colour for trim.

I need cement, glass, mortar, sand,

you name it.

And a fair amount of material for the roof,

obviously,

but we'll get her done.

I can get her done. Yes, sir.

It'll come out of my first two pay cheques.

Third, if necessary.

- There ain't no rent, 'cause it belongs to me.

- Well, bless you.

There are a few back taxes due, that's all.

Really? Well, I can get another job.

- I can set these churches up in my sleep.

- You move faster than any man I've seen.

When I was young, I'd tell everybody

I quit school because I didn't like recess.

I did, yeah.

Now, this is something here.

Let's see, now.

You got a good foundation here. Yes, sir.

Inside... You got no lock.

Hold on now.

I could do some shouting in here! Yes, sir.

This is a shouting church. I'm going to shout

something for the Holy Ghost.

Well, that'll do me just fine, if you're sure.

- I'm positive.

- That'll do me fine.

Bless you. You're a good man.

Glory be to God!

Praise him. Glory! Praise him.

Glory.

God bless you. Have a good day.

- Snow cone?

- We don't have no snow cones.

Snow cones are down the street! Hold on.

Here you go.

There you go. Lollipop.

Snow cones!

Good amigo, friend, Joe.

- Sonny. How's it going?

- Good.

- So?

- Horace ain't doing too good.

- Do you hold it against me?

- No way. I'd have done the same thing myself.

- I want you to be all right 'cause I love you.

- He's still in a coma?

The whole church is praying for him

round the clock in one-hour shifts.

The police have questions?

Maybe I shouldn't call you.

Maybe for a while.

They asked me a bunch of questions.

I told them I didn't know where you are,

which is the truth.

Joe, how come I haven't been able

to get hold of Mama?

I tried quite a few times and there's no answer.

I've been meaning to tell you.

Your mother's been in the hospital.

- I didn't know how to get hold of you.

- What's wrong, Joe?

I don't know, Sonny.

Something to do with her kidneys, I think.

What's the telephone number?

What hospital is she in?

I can't give you the number.

You can't be calling.

Them switchboards, the police is all over them.

- OK. Would you go visit her for me, Joe?

- I visit her every day.

- I will continue to.

- Yeah.

I'm going now. I love you, son.

- You toeing the line?

- Yeah. I am.

God bless you.

Getting back at me, Lord, ain't you?

Getting back at me.

Forgive me, Mama.

Reverend Blackwell, I'd like to start

an orphanage. What do you think?

- One thing at a time, Apostle.

- I know. Maybe a year from now.

I'd like to do something for the fatherless.

When Satan robs you of your children

it makes you want to help others.

It all takes money. We'll get there.

It all takes time.

We'll create a little interest on the radio.

Elmo's going to plug us.

- And we have a newspaper, don't we?

- Yeah.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it.

The Holy Ghost man is here right now.

The Jesus people is here! Yeah!

The Lord's moving in me, telling me things.

What do you think, baby?

The Lord's moving in me.

Telling me things.

- Lean on that brush, Sam.

- I'm leaning.

I'll tell you, we'll have dinner on the ground,

play softball.

I pitch a mean curve ball.

Play the Methodists. Sell some tickets.

- Get some good publicity.

- Don't get so far ahead of yourself.

We'll show the community

that the Holy Lord is here to stay.

- Praise God.

- Can't get rid of him.

Lord.

I'm preaching like I'm going to war

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