The Art of War

Only minutes away from midnight,

here at the fabulous Jade Park Hotel in Hong Kong...

...it's a star-studded event,

typical of the man they call...

...the Donald Trump of Asia, David Chan.

Sir, what are your last thoughts

as the 20th century fades?

Well, tonight, we join the rest of the world

in celebrating the new millennium.

But, next month,

we Chinese begin the year of the dragon.

The year 4698.

Has it been that long?

But, seriously,

celebrating the new Western millennium...

...it's quite a symbolic moment for China,

Hong Kong and myself.

Vitality and creativity of the West,

wisdom and experience of the East.

The fun's about to begin,

ladies and gentlemen. Please, join us.

What is he waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

Novak, I'm experiencing the moment.

He's gonna experience

a Chinese labor camp moment...

...if he doesn't stick to schedule.

We are 10 minutes away,

and he's sight-seeing.

Don't worry about it.

I'm always right on time.

All right, kids.

We're good to go.

Got it.

Good stuff.

Not so good.

Thought you said

he worked facing the window.

He does.

Not today.

He can't see where the infrared port is.

Hold on.

You can never pay too much

for good intelligence.

Or a good hooker.

The ball is up.

We're receiving.

Now, please, join with me

in counting us down...

...into China's new future.

Ready?

Three.

Two.

One!

What is it?

What's wrong?

Is it Y2K?

Is it Y2K?

No, no. It can't be.

Not in my city!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year.

Coming at you.

Okay, I got him.

-You like?

-You like this?

Thirteen, fourteen years-old girls

Sick f***.

That's good.

Did you get that?

Yeah.

Let's do it.

Phone.

Here we go.

Happy Ne Year, Defense Minister.

Who is speaking?

You could think of me as your conscience.

Sending.

Maybe you should direct your attention

to the big screen.

Last month, you took $90 million

of UN aid money...

...and spent it

on Chinese missile technology.

That money was for flood victims

and starving children.

Now I'm quite sure that

North Korean government won't mind...

...but how do you think the world press

is going to react to that?

What do you want?

I want you back at the negotiating table

with South Korea tomorrow.

That is impossible.

Sending.

He is here inside. Find him!

Look at the big screen...

Well, if it's still an impossibility,

press "1" on your keypad.

If it's a possibility...

Excellent choice.

I think I've been made.

Shaw?

I'm picking up a lot of chatter

on the security channel.

The man next to Chan is Alex Wingate.

Media mogul.

United States, united Europe, united China.

There's no difference.

Our blood is 68 percent Coca-Cola.

Opening China's doors to the West

is a little more complicated than that.

Oh alex, you know we'll try to contribute

what we can to make it easier.

And you, sir, who might you be?

Me? I'm Eddie Murphy.

Would you hold this, please?

He hit me!

Okay, go to Phase 2.

Right. Yeah, I got it.

I know what's coming.

I'm coming in.

Line up with the van.

Straight approach.

Mr. Secretary-General...

...give any comment on North Korea's

return to the peace negotiations?

How were you able to achieve this?

Common sense...

...patience, mutual respect

and an abiding understanding that...

...there are cultural differences.

And we're all gonna live with them.

Secretary-General Douglas Thomas

leaves the UN after a successful return...

...to peace negotiations

for North and South Korea.

Great.

I'm gonna become another one of those

famous Canadian peacekeepers.

Not famous.

Do you know how many Americans

can name the Secretary-General of the UN?

Three percent.

Well, that's all about to change...

...because the press adore you,

and UN support is on the upswing.

There'd be hell to pay

if they ever found out about your tactics.

I know it's unorthodox,

but you cannot deny the results.

You know, if this treaty with China

could just go through...

...the United Nations

could possibly become a world power.

It could.

Well nonetheless, I think we should put a cap

on covert operations for the time being.

How's your fellow doing?

He needs a couple months to recover,

but he's in good spirits.

How do you give a medal to someone

who doesn't exist...

...for something that didn't happen?

I wouldn't give up your day job.

Well, well, well.

Oh I'm sorry.

-I thought it was the other shoulder.

-Yeah. Sure. I thought you quit.

I did. This is my last one.

It's a no-smoking court.

Okay.

So wha-wha-what? You come down here to do what?

Force me into early retirement?

-Well you know, the thought crossed my mind.

-Yeah.

But, to tell you the truth,

I was asked to check up on you.

If Madam Hooks wants to find out

how I am...

...why don't she come down here

and see for herself?

Well you know as well as I do,

that Madam Hooks doesn't do anything...

...without gathering

a little intelligence first.

What? You?

You think you're qualified to test me?

Considering your fragile condition...

...I think I can kick your ass.

Okay. All right.

- I'm ready.

-You ready?

-C'mon, you gonna shoot or dribble?

-What does it matter to you?

Oh, Goddamn it!

Are you all right?

Sorry.

Oh, Goddamn man, you're bleeding.

-It's okay.

-No-no-no, hold on. Let me take a look.

It's bleeding.

Damn.

Oh yeah, yeah.

You're gonna need some silk.

That should do it.

A nurse will be with you in a minute

to finish.

Thank you.

It's a good thing I'm an a**hole...

...otherwise, I'd feel guilty.

You should.

How is it?

Oh he did a nice job.

Those people make good doctors.

What?

Asians. Chinese.

You know, they're smart and well-educated.

And what about these people?

These people have got to stop getting

shot on the job.

I can arrange that.

Well, you're too young to retire, so...

Yeah, I'm young, but I ain't dumb.

Don't that burn?

Yes.

-Frank.

-What you got?

F***ing thing came off

a Chinese freighter yesterday.

The longshoremen didn't think much of it.

Until the sun came up.

Sh*t.

Our... forensic guy here picked this up.

Oh, I- I don't speak that language,

so I wouldn't know what that means.

Translator says it's Vietnamese.

Talks about the UN moving them

from some refugee camp in Hong Kong...

-...looking for a new life in America.

-Hong Kong refugees. Ray!

Call Amnesty. See if they can trace these

to the ones that disappeared last month.

Yeah, sure, chief.

Thanks.

That's quite a statement,

if that's what they wanted to make. Guys!

Think it has something to do

with the big Chinese conference in town?

Under UN, the supervision.

"The fact remains that although these

refugees were housed in Hong Kong...

"...they were under the supervision

of UN officers."

Sweatshop.

"You talk of human rights.

"Three miles from here, sweatshops.

"A mile from here,

homeless people living in doorways.

"Yet you lecture my country...

"...on our human rights record.

-"The only right that concerns me--"

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