The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford Page #5

two Americans they know for certain...

...Mark Twain and Jesse James.

- Why, it's the kid.

- How's everything?

- I never take off my gun belts.

- Yeah?

Good thinking.

Well, Charley, did you hurt your leg?

Yeah, I slipped...

I slipped off the roof...

...and I smacked down into a snow bank

like a ton of stupidness.

One second I'm screaming,

"Whoa, Nelly!"

Next second, poof,

I'm neck-deep in snow.

Well, whatever possessed you

to climb a roof in December?

There was a k... A kite. What am I saying?

There was a cat.

A cat. It was on the roof

and I went after him.

It was a tomcat yowling

and what all, and I slipped.

I thought maybe your club foot

was gaining on you.

Oh, yeah.

Dick went to Kansas City to be

with his wife. He was here for a bit.

Hey, here's a cute story, Jess.

Bobby was what, 11 or 12...

...and you were by far

his most admired personage.

He couldn't get enough.

It was "Jesse this" and "Jesse that"

and "Jesse this" from sunrise to sunset.

Fascinating.

No, there's more. This is cute.

We're at supper and Bob asks,

"You know what size boot Jesse wears?"

- Charley, Jesse doesn't wanna hear this.

- Shush, now, Bob, let me tell it.

Bob says... He says, "You know

what size boot Jesse wears?"

He says, "Six and a half." He says,

"Ain't that a big enough boot...

...for a man 5'8"tall?"

I decided to josh him a little, you know,

he being my kid brother and everything.

So I said, "He doesn't have toes is why."

That's a really stupid story.

"He was dangling his feet off a culvert

and a catfish nibbled his toes off."

Bob taxed himself trying to picture it.

That'd be a good joke if it was funny.

Isn't that a cute story, Jess?

Give me some more conversations, Bob.

I got one. This one's about as crackerjack...

It's the one about your...

Let Bob tell it.

All right.

I don't even know

what you're talking about.

About how you and Jesse

have so much in common.

Go on, Bob.

Yeah, come on, Bob.

Tell us a story.

- Nope. No.

- Come on, entertain Jesse. He's here.

Come on.

Well, if you'll pardon my saying so,

I guess...

...it is interesting the many ways

you and I overlap and whatnot.

I mean, you begin with our daddies.

Your daddy was a pastor

at the New Hope Baptist Church...

...and my daddy was a pastor

at the church in Excelsior Springs.

You're the youngest of three James boys,

and I'm the youngest of five Ford boys.

Between Charley and me,

there's another brother, Wilbur...

...with six letters in his name.

And between Frank and you, is another

brother Robert, also with six letters.

And my Christian name

is Robert, of course.

You have blue eyes, I have blue eyes.

You're 5'8"tall, I'm 5'8" tall.

Me, I must have had a list as long as

your nightshirt when I was 12, but...

...I seem to have lost some curiosities

over the years.

Ain't he something?

Did I ever tell you the story about

that scalawag, George Shepherd?

Shepherd's one of

Quantrill's lieutenants.

He give me a story much like Bob's

what bring him to mind.

Going on about how much

we had in common, and so on...

...so he could get in the gang.

How could I have known

he had a grudge against me?

How could I have known

he was lying to get on my good side?

I said, "George, come on aboard.

Glad to have you."

George thought he was smart,

except he wasn't.

One morning, George rides into camp...

...and about 20 guns open up on him.

See, old George, he only had one eye. You

gotta have two eyes, you wanna get Jesse.

You ought not think of me

like you do George Shepherd.

You brought him to mind.

Well, it's not very flattering.

Sure is good eating, Martha.

Well, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

How come George

had a grudge against you?

I said, how come George

had a grudge against you?

Well, you see, George had a nephew

he wanted me to protect during the war.

This nephew had 5000 dollars on him.

It just so happens he winds up killed

and someone swipes that money.

And when George is in prison,

someone whispers to him:

"It was Jesse James

slit the boy's throat."

It was just mean gossip, was it?

Bob's the expert. Let's put it to him.

Oh, dear, I made him cranky.

I'm not cranky. I just been

through this before is all.

Most people get around on making fun

of me. They don't ever let up.

Someone's getting awful fresh over there.

Woman, shut your face for once.

Don't want you to skip off

to your room and pout...

...without knowing why I come by

for this visit.

Why? So you could

tell us how sorry you are...

...you had to slap our cousin Albert around?

I come by...

...to ask if one of you two Fords...

...would care to ride with me

in a journey or two.

I guess we both agree

it ought to be Charley.

You've been acting sort of testy.

Have you seen Wood Hite lately?

No. Not at all.

I swear that stew

had some squirrel meat in it.

- Still arguing with you, is it?

- Yeah.

- You're Charles Ford?

- Yes, ma'am.

You've seen me once or twice before.

I got a letter from George Hite.

He hasn't seen hide nor hair of him.

And you say you haven't seen Wood?

No, I... I can't imagine where he could be.

Yeah?

You finished with your sleeping?

I could use a couple more hours

if it's no trouble.

Yeah.

I been holding a discussion with myself

over if I ought to tell you this or no.

My good side won out and...

Well, I wanna make a clean breast

of things.

Yeah, my mind's a little cobwebby

is the only drawback.

I could use a little...

A little more sleep.

You know I went to Kentucky?

Yeah.

I come back through Saline County and...

...I think to myself:

"Why not stop by and see Ed Miller?"

So I do.

Well, things are not to my satisfaction.

Ed's got himself all worked up

over something.

I can see that he's lying like a rug.

So I say to myself, "Enough's enough."

And I say to Ed, "Come on, Ed.

Let's go for a ride."

You understand what I'm saying?

Going for a ride is like...

Going for a ride

is like giving him what-for?

Exactly.

So...

...Ed and Jesse...

...they argue on the road.

Did you ever count the stars?

I can't ever get the same number.

They keep changing on me.

I don't even know what a star is exactly.

Well, your body knows.

It's your mind that forgot.

You go on ahead, partner.

I'll catch up with you.

It's okay.

It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay.

And when push came to shove...

...Jesse shot and killed him.

Jesse did.

You got it.

You...

So, you see, your...

Your cousin, he got off easy.

I was just playing with Albert.

Yeah, I made him squeal

once or twice myself.

I'm just not as thorough as you are.

You got a tale to swap with me now?

I don't get your meaning.

Seems to me, if you have something

to confess in exchange...

...it'd only be right...

...that you'd spit it out now.

I can't think of a single thing.

About Wood Hite, for example.

I'm not gonna... I been saying over and

over I can't figure out where he's gone.

Now, I'm not gonna change my story

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