The Astronaut Farmer Page #5

...is a one-way ticket to the afterlife.

A facility in which Mr. Farmer

could get himself into space.

The U.S. government

has a space program, Mr. Farmer.

Why don't you just leave this

to the professionals?

In 1960 they started a space race.

By 1969 we were on the moon.

Now, in that short period of time,

look what we accomplished.

And in my opinion,

I believe that if some other country...

...wanted to go to the moon

and live there...

...we'd get in a war with them

because we think the moon is ours.

Well, it's not.

Just like it's not your right to tell me

whether or not I can launch into space.

Mr. Farmer, we have laws.

I know we have laws.

We got all kind of laws.

We got more laws to tell us

what we can't do than anything else.

We got laws to protect us

from other laws.

- Comments like that do not help.

- Listen, you've been talking all morning.

Let me talk for a minute.

Okay?

I won't take long.

When I was a kid, they used to tell me

that I could be anything I wanted to be.

No matter what.

And maybe I am insane, I don't know,

but I still believe that.

I believe it with all my heart.

Somewhere along the line...

...we stopped believing

that we could do anything.

And if we don't have our dreams,

we have nothing.

You'll be informed of our decision.

I'm gonna save your life.

I'm gonna tell you something

that no one else in there will tell you.

The U.S. military has enough firepower

pointed at your ranch...

...that if you decide to launch...

...within seconds, your remains

will be spread over five states.

- Is that a threat?

- No.

You're the threat.

Don't believe a word he says, Farmer.

Nobody's gonna fire any missiles at you.

They have no law to stop you,

so they're just trying to intimidate you.

I don't know.

Actually, I think they're pretty good

at assassinating people who have dreams.

Where's your helmet?

Now, I think that's it, Mrs. Farmer.

Thank you.

- So is it true?

- What?

Got a million dollars for your story?

No, Vanessa, it's not true.

I won't tell anyone. I read about it in--

Vanessa, it's not true.

Your total is 86.05.

Sorry. Here.

Watch your fingers.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Farmer,

but your card was declined.

Would you like to try another one?

Can you just keep all this here...

...and we'll come back

in a little while, okay?

Come on, girls. Come on.

I'm going to the moon...

...and I'm bringing this brick.

Kids, your mom and I

need a private moment.

No. This has been private long enough.

Now, you can lie to me as much as you

want, Charles, but don't lie to them.

Tell them.

Tell them we might not have a house

in a few weeks.

- Knock it off, Audie, okay, please?

- No, you knock it off.

- Please, knock it off.

- And what was your plan?

Blasting off this Earth...

...and leaving us here to deal with

the consequences? With no money...

- ...nothing, no money for food?

- Oh, really? Is that right?

I'm sorry.

So we don't have any food?

Is that what you think?

Kids, you don't have anything

to worry about...

...because we got plenty of food, okay?

Here's food.

You want macaroni and cheese?

You want salmon in white sauce?

- You want rice pilaf?

- Stop it!

- We got all kinds of food!

- Shepard, take the children out of here.

What, do you wanna throw that?

You gonna throw something at me, Audie?

- Is that what you wanna do? Go ahead!

- You wanna see flying saucers?

Don't you ever accuse me of that again

in front of the kids. You understand me?

You're not taking care of us

when we don't have a home!

You have to keep us safe!

And this dream that we all share

feeds one person, and that's you!

You're gonna lose everything, Charles,

including your family.

Now, I need to clean up this kitchen.

I'm sorry I did this.

Audie.

I love you and those kids

more than anything in this world.

But if I don't do what I believe in...

...then I haven't done them

any good at all.

I have always believed.

I just don't know anymore.

Okay. Here we go.

- Hold Mommy's purse.

- Audie?

Audie, honey, you don't have to leave.

It's Sunday. We're going to church.

I'm hoping they'll learn something about

forgiveness, because they'll need it.

- Come on, Audie, don't do that.

- No, Charles. They worship you.

And so that I don't get bitter...

...and call you an ass for lying to us...

...I'm gonna have to figure out

a way to forgive you.

And so will they.

You know, I tell you one thing.

You are one fabulous father.

And you know why, Farmer?

This man couldn't even get his family

to eat dinner together.

But you have got your family...

...dreaming together.

That is big stuff, sir.

Really big stuff.

Boy, they gotta burn a lot of fuel

to run them cars, you know it?

Gotta wonder if all them cars would

be going around in circles like that...

...if they didn't have all that advertising.

The fact of the matter is, Doug,

if you advertise on my rocket...

...it's gonna raise your sales.

It just stands to reason.

Plus, you'll be getting attention...

...that you normally wouldn't get

from conventional methods.

Now, I've got a letter out

to the CEO of Coca-Cola.

I expect to hear back from them soon.

If they come onboard,

they'll be right here.

But before they come on and paint

the whole thing red, you got your choice.

I mean, look at this.

Can you imagine?

Dunkin' Donuts blasting off into space.

What if your mission's aborted...

...or your success doesn't measure

to this final statement?

- What are you implying?

- The risk factor is high, Farmer.

But it's an educated risk.

Did you read the case study on Tang?

The profits they made off putting

that orange dust up onboard.

I've made a graph. Did you look at it?

Oh, yeah, Tang.

I raised three kids on that stuff.

Well, it's full of vitamins.

What's that little old cheesy deal

y'all got now?

I mean, tell me what happens

if your whole mission goes to sh*t.

- I mean, I can't deal with much more of it.

- You mean, like, if I die?

If something were

to happen to you, Farmer...

...candy sprinkles, M&M's,

Oreo cookies...

...there's no amount of topping...

...that would cover the amount

of guilt that I would have.

Look, if you die...

...the book deal, Good Morning America,

that TV movie, Jay Leno...

...all that vanishes.

Without a successful mission, I don't

see the profits breaking into the red.

I might as well go put my money

in Kleenex stock...

...because all you're gonna be producing

is a ton of tears.

But if you circle the world...

...you land back over in your back yard

like your mission plan says...

...you're a man-made American hero.

Now if I could only launch a rocket

with jelly doughnuts.

Sunshine, why don't you go

give your grandpa one, okay?

He loves the sprinkles.

Take Grandpa a doughnut. There you go.

- Take Grandpa a doughnut.

- Just have two, okay?

Just two.

- Do you want one?

- No, honey, I've already had three or four.

With, like, seven cups of coffee and...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes