The Avengers Page #3

BRENDA:

See how you're getting on ...

STEED:

Something in the wind?

Mother wheels himself from the study. Taps a barometer. It whirls around.

MOTHER:

Weather's turning nasty.

STEED:

You didn't come to talk about the

weather, surely.

MOTHER:

Oh yes I did. I want you to meet

somebody.

(off Steed's look)

I expect you'll like her.

Brenda coolly files her nails. A flash of jealousy.

STEED:

'Her'?

45 INT. EMMA'S FLAT (PRIMROSE HILL) - DAY

A groovy penthouse (a Lichtenstein come to life?). Bach PIANO MUSIC floats in the

air.

Hands gliding over keys, Emma Peel plays with virtuoso skill. On the piano, a framed

picture of her late husband. And a photo of Emma between Peter and Valentine.

A KNOCK. Emma gets up, goes to the door. The MUSIC KEEPS PLAYING, keys

jumping up and down automatically, as --

46 AT DOOR

Emma flicks open a large automated eye. Peers thru. Opens

47 IN CORRIDOR

A MESSENGER (distinctive outfit) hands over a package tied in a bow.

MESSENGER:

Dr. Peel?

EMMA:

Thank you ...

Emma shuts the door. Unties the bow, opens up Finds an embossed card:

EMMA:

(reads)

'Please answer the Telephone.'

Emma looks:
The phone sits there.

Just then ... RING-RING. Emma goes over, picks up the phone. A recorded message,

an upper-class woman's voice:

WOMAN (V.O.)

(filtered)

Boodles Club, the Mall, 2:30 p.m.

Mr. John Steed ... Boodles Club,

the Mall, 2:
30 p.m. Mr. John

Steed ...

BEEP. The phone goes dead. Emma opens up the case. Unveils a brace of kippers.

Puzzled, she holds up a fish.

EMMA:

Kippers ...?

48 EXT. BOODLE-S CLUB (PALL MALL) - DAY

Near the Mall, outside white stucco buildings, a Lotus Elan pulls up and parks as a car

conveniently leaves, cutting off another angry CAR. HONK! A dash clock says 2:15.

Out gets --

-- Emma Peel, different attire. She climbs steps. On a brass plaque, "Boodles

Gentlemen's Club." She goes in, passing --

-- an astonished uniformed commissionaire.

49 INT. BOODLES' LOBBY - CONTINUOUS ACTION

A PORTER approaches her, equally surprised.

PORTER:

May I help you, madam ...

EMMA:

Mr. John Steed, please.

PORTER:

I'm afraid that's impossible.

EMMA:

Impossible?

The Porter points to a notice: "No non-members. No animals. No women."

PORTER:

You are female?

EMMA:

As you see.

PORTER:

Then you can't come in.

EMMA:

I have an appointment.

PORTER:

No women. Not in Boodles. Not

since 1922.

EMMA:

Really -- what happened in 1922?

Bored, Emma breezes past, already inside the hall. Old mahogany, portraits of dead

politicians, leather chairs. A male enclave.

The Porter rushes up to restrain her.

Hardly missing a step, Emma lays a gentle hand on his shoulder -- finds the nerve ends.

The Porter winces and --

EMMA:

Thank you so much. I can find Mr.

Steed myself ...

-- collapses on the ground in agony. Emma ignores him. Pushes thru double doors,

upstairs, statues of naked bronze warriors frown down on her, into

50 INT. BOODLES - TURKISH BATHS - DAY

Thru a cloud of steam in an oriental room

Steed sits naked save for a towel. He hears a disturbance, thru the mist, sees --

Emma before him. Automatically, Steed dons his bowler and tips it in her direction.

STEED:

Doctor Peel, I presume?

EMMA:

And you must be Steed. Please

don't get up.

He doesn't. HISSING STEAM between them as they study.

STEED:

I was about to throw in the towel.

EMMA:

I had a spot of bother at the door.

STEED:

I shouldn't wonder. Not a woman

inside Boodles since --

EMMA:

1922. Why the kippers?

STEED:

Red herring would have been too

obvious, don't you think?

EMMA:

(looks around)

So what was all this -- some sort

of test?

STEED:

Congratulations, you've penetrated a

bastion of male privilege. I guessed

you weren't a stickler for Tradition,

doctor.

EMMA:

Whereas you are.

STEED:

Dyed in the wool. But I can admire

someone who doesn't play by the

rules.

EMMA:

Rules are made to be broken.

STEED:

Not by me. Play by the rules,

Doctor, or the game is nothing.

EMMA:

And just what is the game?

STEED:

I say, this is all terribly formal.

Must I go an calling you Dr. Peel?

EMMA:

(re:
the steamroom)

Under the circumstances, you may

call me Mrs. Peel.

STEED:

Much better.

EMMA:

And now that we've settled the matter

of honorifics, will you kindly explain

why you wished me to meet you?

STEED:

I didn't. Mother did.

EMMA:

Mother?

Steed steps closer, smiling.

STEED:

I expect you'll like him.

Off Emma's reaction --

51 EXT. THAMES RIVER (NEAR WHITEHALL) - DAY

CAR ROAR OVER. Down the embankment Parliament and Big Ben in b.g., the sleek

Jaguar zooms at 60mph. Steed dodges traffic --

Wearing racing goggles, windscreen down --

Executes a nifty maneuver, swerves on a zebra crossing, scatters pedestrians,

HONKING his HORN. Beside him, Emma is cool as a cucumber. Steed turns

charmingly.

STEED:

Tea time -- four o'clock. Mustn't

be late.

(beat)

A word of warning. Don't take the

macaroon. Mother's favorite.

Steed swerves down a narrow alleyway, into a secret car park entrance by the

riverbank. He pulls up before a sign:

RIVER THAMES WATER AUTHORITY

No Admittance

At a control barrier Steed inserts a card. Emma sees a light flash up: "Security -- Top

Priority Clearance Only." The barrier lifts. She looks again at Steed, reappraising him

as Big Ben approaches four. The car disappears in darkness ...

52 LARGE WINDOW CURTAIN

opens, revealing water! We are beneath the Thames -- garbage and fish float past a

window of reinforced glass. An original Campbell's tomato soup can floats down as we

WIDEN to reveal ...

53 INT. SECRET SERVICE HQ - UNDERWATER - DAY

Mother in his wheelchair, pulling the curtain cord.

MOTHER:

That's better. I much prefer a

womb with view, don't you, Mrs.

Peel?

A delicate CLOCK on the mantel CHIMES FOUR.

Mother wheels himself forward and hooks onto the kettle.

MOTHER:

Shall I be mother?

He pours, presiding like a fat spider at the center of a subterranean web, known as The

Ministry:
a vast bureaucracy in a labyrinth of tunnels.

Catches Emma's wandering lock

MOTHER:

I expect you're wondering where

you are.

An atmosphere of a gentleman's club reigns in the subterranean bureau -- Emma takes

her tea ...

EMMA:

Don't tell me:
You're the shadow secret

service. You're so hushhush, even the

legit secret service knows nothing about

it. Am I right?

Bodyguard Brenda, a glam leather Moneypenny, wheels a trolley brimming with fancies

over to Emma and Steed.

MOTHER:

Close. We're so hush-hush, even

we know nothing about it.

(before Emma can

make sense of this)

Now let's see, there's coconut cake,

date and walnut; I recommend the

rum baba ...

EMMA:

Hmmm ...

MOTHER:

Looks like rain, Steed...

STEED:

... Showers followed by sunny periods.

EMMA:

(looks up from

trolley)

We're not here to talk about the

weather, surely.

MOTHER:

Oh, yes we are.

BRENDA:

(to Emma, cunning)

Macaroon?

Emma hesitates; takes a cake. About to take a bite, when --

Mother switches off lights. A screen drops, covering the water window as the mood

changes from coziness to terror -- an ancient PROJECTOR RATTLES on ...

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