The Avengers Page #9

STEED:

We had a lead to Wonderland

Weather but we got there too late.

Someone tipped them off ...

MOTHER:

Too late anyway. Today's escapade

was only for starters. This is no

ordinary weather. It's manmade. A

kind of weather bomb.

STEED:

Impossible.

EMMA:

Not quite. This is my field.

STEED:

Is there anything that isn't?

EMMA:

(ignores)

The Prospero Project was started by

my husband. It was an early attempt

to solve the problems of global warming.

In theory, climate engineering is entirely

feasible. We thought of injecting a

chemical cocktail into the atmosphere

by laser and satellite. A 'quick fix'...

STEED:

Filling in mother nature's blind

spots ... ?

EMMA:

Exactly. There'd been earlier attempts

to pump carbon dioxide into deep sea.

Propane gas mostly. In small quantities

it captures chlorine. Protects the ozone

layer. But it proved impractical.

Too bulky ...

STEED:

But if someone miniaturized the

process...

EMMA:

That's what we were working on.

STEED:

Sounds as if someone's hijacked

your research.

MOTHER:

Would it be possible to use it for

military purposes?

EMMA:

Directed by laser. Bounced by

satellite. Quite possible.

STEED:

Where would they aim for?

Mother thinks, gets out of his wheelchair; takes a turn about the bus, sits down again.

No one pays any attention.

MOTHER:

London. The World Council of Ministers

meets soon on global defence. If you can

control the weather, you control the world.

EMMA:

After the cold war ...

STEED:

The hot and cold war ...

Sign "Grand Opening Soon." WIDEN to reveal ...

128 EXT. WONDERLAND WEATHER OFFICES - DAY

Steed looks around, picks the lock ... hi-tech style ...

129 INT. WONDERLAND WEATHER OFFICES - DAY

A kind of space-age travel agency. Steed enters.

At the reception desk, the receptionist has her back turned. Steed sneaks in, moves

behind a screen, overhears --

A man -- Bailey -- giving orders to the receptionist

BAILEY:

New orders. The penultimate phase.

Now fully operational ...

Steed moves away from them, pushes a set of double doors open, arrives inside --

130 INT. WONDERLAND OFFICE - DISPLAY - DAY

A long corridor surrounded by a presentation of --

Virtual reality weather: clouds, sunny vistas, lush meadows, desert. And slogans:

"Be natural. Act natural. Think natural. The natural beauty of Wonderland Weather."

Steed reacts; the model is the same as Emma on the big neon sign near Harrods ...

Steed finds a desk. Inspects papers. Sees a postcard of a large stately home. He

pockets it. Then looks 'round to see --

Bailey before him. We recognize him as the young dandy trailing Steed. Neither gives

away the other.

BAILEY:

We're not yet open for business,

I'm afraid.

STEED:

Shame. I was recommended. By a

friend.

BAILEY:

Really?

STEED:

Sir August Merryweather? I was

looking for something relaxing.

Say, a Tuscan hillside in June?

BAILEY:

Normally, we'd be eager to

oblige --

STEED:

Seriously?

BAILEY:

Of course. Natural weather delivered

to your door on demand. Down your

phoneline. For limited periods.

STEED:

You don't say. How real does it feel?

BAILEY:

As real as you wish. Hot or cold.

Humid or dry. Anything you like.

Within reason.

STEED:

There are limits?

BAILEY:

The technology is brand new. Soon

it will be more powerful. We

anticipate a huge demand. Leave us

your number. We'll be in touch.

STEED:

No need. I'll call again.

Steed raises his bowler. Bailey watches him go.

131 EXT. WONDERLAND OFFICES - STREET - DAY

Steed emerges, stares at his postcard -- the stately home and:

"Headquarters, Wonderland Weather, Ltd." as --

EMMA (V.O.)

My car. I'll drive.

132 EXT. COUNTRY ROADS - DAY

Emma's LOTUS ELAN WHIZZES BY...

STEED (V.O.)

A day in the country ...

133 INT. LOTUS - DAY

EMMA:

Three agents killed by bad weather...

STEED:

... And by you, Mrs. Peel ...

EMMA:

(ignores)

Then a mad millionaire. Head of a secret

defense establishment. A group of

eccentrics obsessed by weather ...

STEED:

... And by you, Mrs. Peel. Everything

points to you. No sisters? No

undiscovered twin?

EMMA:

Not that I know of. Explanation?

STEED:

According to Dr. Darling, you're a

psychopathic personality with

schizophrenic delusions, suffering from

recurring amnesia based on traumatic

repression, leading to outbursts of

anti-social and violent behavior. Q.E.D.

Steed lets it sink in. Emma looks a little hurt.

EMMA:

Is that what you think?

STEED:

Oh, well ...

(beat)

Just my type, Mrs. Peel.

134 EXT. COUNTRY LANES - SEVERAL ANGLES - DAY

The Lotus races 'round blind corners. Hairpin bends. Across a train at a level crossing,

which just misses them --

135 INT. LOTUS - DAY

Emma sees Steed hold on for dear life. She smirks --

STEED:

Do you always drive this fast?

EMMA:

Have I trespassed on a male

prerogative?

(before his reply)

We're being followed. I saw him

at Trubshaw's ...

Steed looks into the mirror, sees a car behind them. Pulling up, trying to catch up.

Emma glances in the mirror, and --

EMMA:

Hold on ...

Puts foot down. ZOOM. Extra ACCELERATION. Steed's head pinned back to his

seat. Emma's hair tossed in the wind.

136 EXT. COUNTRY LANES - DAY

The Lotus twisting and turning. The car behind always catches up. Emma tries to

shake it. Gears up. Mach force. Over crossroads. Shaking 'round corners, as ...

137 BEND

before Emma pushes foot down. Further ACCELERATION. The car behind struggles

to keep up. Emma coasts ahead, turns a corner --

And suddenly sees in front of her --

138 HUGE TRUCK

crossing directly in their path!

STEED:

Turn!

139 EMMA

swerves, plunging the car into a haystack, where it is completely hidden as --

140 TRUCK

clears in time for the following car, which keeps going.

141 ON HAYSTACK

as Steed emerges, brushing off straw. An old lady on a bicycle with a basket appears ...

OLD LADY:

Are you alright, young man?

STEED:

I think so, thank you so much ...

A SQUEAL of TIRES as -

The following car swerves back, stops and Bailey emerges, gun drawn as Steed and the

Old Lady react ...

BAILEY:

(relishing)

Reach for the sky, pardner.

Steed raises his hands.

OLD LADY:

Oh, dear --

To Steed's surprise, she pulls an Uzi from her basket and

BANGBANGBANGBANG -- ! SPRAYS BULLETS into Bailey, who crumples, gun

spinning along the tarmac. Cute and sweetlooking, the Old Lady is unfazed.

OLD LADY:

Cocky little bastard. I hope he

was a baddy.

STEED:

I feel sure of it.

OLD LADY:

I'm Alice. Mother said you'd be

on your way. Mrs. Peel with you?

STEED:

(looks around)

She was ...

They start pulling away hay from the haystack ...

OLD LADY:

You with Mother or Father?

STEED:

Both, actually.

OLD LADY:

Good. Glad to see they're together at last.

They don't get along. Promotion. Top job.

Most unfair. Quite a fuss at the Ministry.

STEED:

(not paying attention)

You don't say.

(mumbles)

Like looking for a needle in a ...

142 INSIDE HAYSTACK

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