The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer Page #6

Good night.

-Hi, Jerry.

-Hi, Mr. Nugent.

What are you doing here?

You know, it's hard to get Susan

out of your system.

Yeah, I know how it is.

-Why don't you go on inside?

-I'm not welcome inside.

Don't be silly. She probably

doesn't know you're here.

She put me here.

I'm a square in Susan's social circle.

It's not her fault, I guess.

It's her uncle, Judge Thaddeus.

-Have you met him yet?

-No.

He's something fierce.

I walked in and said,

"Mellow greetings, ukie-dukie."

-He almost blew a fuse.

-What's wrong with that?

Guess he's been around lawyers so long,

he's forgotten how people talk.

Sure. "Mellow greetings, ukie...."

-You going to the picnic?

-Well, I was, but--

How'd you like to use my car?

-You're kidding.

-No. I'd like to borrow yours.

-Does it run?

-Oh, sure.

-Where are the keys?

-You don't need a key.

-Well, here are mine.

-Jiminy. Thanks, Mr. Nugent.

See you at the picnic.

Boy, she sure is a honey.

Just a later model.

-That must be Richard Nugent.

-And who the devil is Richard Nugent?

He's older. He's come to take Susan

to the picnic.

-I think you'll like him.

-How do you know?

I haven't seen him yet!

-Hi! Mellow greetings, ukie-dukie.

-Dickie!

Ready, voot? Let's scoot!

You remind me of a man.

-What man?

-The man with power.

-What power?

-The power of hoodoo.

-Hoodoo?

-You do.

-Do what?

-Remind me of a man.

-What man?

-The man with power.

-Good morning!

-Power of hoo-- Greetings.

-Are you out of your mind?

-What?

-What are you doing?

-I don't dig you.

-What are you whispering about?

-Hi, Uncle Matt! How's the light operator?

-May I present my great-uncle, Judge Turner.

-How do you do, judge?

-This isn't a pump handle.

-He's sharp.

-You remind me of a man.

-What man?

-The man with the power.

-What power?

-The power of hoodoo.

-Hoodoo?

-You do.

-Do what?

-Remind me of a man.

-Remind you--

He is an associate justice

of the state supreme court.

Good for you.

Better than working for a living.

-Aren't we going to be late for the picnic?

-Yes, we are.

I'm your little pepper shaker.

The hot rod's outside.

Come on, Thaddeus.

-You remind me of a man.

-Hoodoo.

-No, I'm supposed to say that!

-All right, go ahead.

-But that's Jerry's car.

-Just looks like it.

-What's this?

-Friend made it. A voot-eight.

Eight more payments and it's mine!

You expect me to ride in that?

-Throw your frame in!

-I want to talk to you.

-No, there's no time--

-I'd rather stay home.

There's no time for talk now.

Come on, come on.

-Here's the basket, here.

-Thank you.

Hot vooterenie!

-Nice car you got here, Richard.

-Thank you.

I just hope you come up

before me sometime.

Must run in your family.

-Hello, Tommy.

-I've been waiting for you.

-I'm sorry. We were delayed.

-Look out for your thumb.

It's the junior set.

Hello, Uncle Thaddeus.

How do you--? My back.

-Can I get something for you?

-Yes. Get me a seat that doesn't bounce.

We can eat lunch over there.

Come on.

I'm as hungry as a bear.

Let's join the ants.

Ladies and gentlemen!

The first events of the afternoon

are the novelty races.

Open to adults, parents and friends.

-Come on, everybody, win....

-I used to be good at these as a kid.

Well, why not get in?

It's open to parents.

-I'm not a parent.

-Too old, Chamberlain?

-Of course not.

-Of course not.

All right, then, I will.

-How about you?

-Don't be silly.

Dickie, you must.

I want a medal.

-Get her a medal.

-Oh, too old?

To run in a sack race?

Nothing to it.

Then go in there

and show them, Dickie.

All right, I will.

-Hold that.

-Hold this.

Snap it up, boys.

Give the man his sack.

Let's go to the finish line.

I want to see Dickie come in first.

-Coming, Uncle Matt?

-No. You go ahead. I'll wait here.

Two more lanes open!

Who'll step up?

Thank you, gentlemen! Step right up

and get yourself a sack.

Okay, Jack, you all set?

All right, steady now.

Ready, gentlemen?

On your marks, get set....

All right, ladies and gentlemen,

we're set for the start...

...of the spectacular three-legged race...

...one of the most hilarious events

of the program.

Now, come on, you folks down the sidelines,

pick out your favorite...

...and cheer him down to the finish line!

All right, Jack.

On your marks, get set....

Hey, hey, hey!

Hold up, hold up. Not so fast.

All right, everybody, we're all set

for the spoon and potato race.

On your marks, get set....

Disqualified! You've got to cross

the line on your feet.

On your marks, get set....

-Come on, Dickie.

-Come on, Dickie!

Come on.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is it!

This is the main event of the afternoon.

You are about to witness

the spectacular obstacle race.

A supreme test of skill,

stamina and endurance.

Come on, Dickie, stand up.

I can't pin it when you're sitting down.

-Haven't you had enough?

-Not for me.

-We've just begun to fight.

-Just begun to fight.

Hold these medals, Uncle Thad.

I don't want any excess weight.

Everybody get ready!

All contestants report to the starting line.

Come on, Dickie,

I know you can win this time.

-Sure. Sure.

-This is the last call!

-Hi, Mr. Nugent.

-Where have you been?

I've been trying out your super jalopy.

Hi, Susan.

Hi, Jerry. Now remember, Dickie,

you've got to win me that cup. Good luck.

-You going in the race?

-Yep.

-May the best man win.

-He will.

-I'm beginning to worry about him.

-Why?

He's got courage. A man's man.

-I hope he wins.

-Come on, now. Everybody ready.

-For Susan's sake.

-Of course.

-Everybody line up.

-Let's go down to the finish line.

--in the obstacle race.

All right, all you contestants,

take your places on the starting line.

And remember, anyone who fails

to take a single obstacle...

...is disqualified.

On your marks, get set....

Keep going, Mr. Nugent.

Keep going, Mr. Nugent,

keep going.

Keep going.

Excuse me, I slipped.

You pushed me.

-Oh, it was nothing. Just a race.

-Congratulations, Mr. Nugent.

Everybody over to the bandstand

for the grand award!

-You were wonderful, Dickie.

-The grand award, that's you.

Oh, sure. Grand reward.

-Thanks a lot, Jerry, for letting Dickie win.

-That's okay.

Pay the boys Saturday.

Seventy-five cents a piece.

-Anyone else, they'd charge a buck.

-I'll pay you too.

I don't want your money.

Some things just can't be bought.

You know, Jerry, at times

you're really very nice.

Quiet, please. Quiet, everyone.

It gives me great pleasure to present

this beautiful trophy and medal...

...to that great athlete

and winner of the feature event...

...Mr. Richard Nugent.

I don't know how this happened to me.

But I guess I owe it all

to clean living, proper outlook...

...and the help of my friend.

What a wonderful day.

What a wonderful picnic.

Oh, I feel wonderful.

Uncle Thaddeus, let's dance.

No. No.

Susan, your youthful exuberance

is very tiring.

Margaret, I'm going upstairs

to take a hot bath.

Life.

You'd better rest for a while.

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