The Ballad of Cable Hogue Page #2

You're a Good Samaritan to offer help...

...to a needy traveler...

- Hallelujah, brother. At 10 cents a head.

Water to men, sheep and hogs, 10

cents. Horses, mules and cows, 2 bits.

- Of course.

- In advance.

- In advance.

- In advance.

Which means before you drink,

you pay 10 cents. In advance.

Cast thy bread upon the waters,

let this man have his just needs.

You talk like a man of God, all right. But

I worked like hell for that there water.

My poor, misguided friend,

you are a sinner in need of redemption.

I will redeem you.

Ten cents, you pious bastard,

or I'll bury you.

What church did you say you was with?

The Church of the Wayfaring Stranger.

A church of my own revelation.

Just like that?

- Just like that.

- Where's it located?

Wherever I go, it goes with me.

Would you like to see some

of my parishioners? Sisters of the spirit.

Why, that one's naked

as a jaybird's ass.

Naked we come into this earth,

naked we shall return.

Well, well, brother Hogue.

I foresee a great community

springing out of the sand.

Busy thoroughfares, alabaster buildings...

...a thriving community

filled with the faithful.

- Amen.

- How much of this land is yours?

To sell, of course. I wish to buy.

Well, considerable.

I didn't see any boundary stakes

anywhere.

I suppose you've been too busy to go

into the land office and file your claim.

You know, if anyone were to drop

a word of this in Deaddog or Lizard...

...there would be 47 men

riding out here by sundown...

...with a claim in one hand

and a gun in the other.

Yes, this information could mean

quite a lot of money...

What a blessing religion must be,

preacher. It touches my heart.

The loan of your horse.

It's nothing, my friend.

Ride in good health with my blessing.

I hate to go in among them...

...but you've shown me the way

to salvation and a secured claim.

My only aim in life is to help

the misbegotten, the downtrodden...

...and the members of my parish.

God bless you, preacher.

Make yourself to home.

Only don't forget, every time you take

a drink, leave 10 cents in the cup...

...or I'll blow your ass

into next Wednesday.

Come on, get up there. Get up there.

Well, get in...

...get it over with...

...then get out.

Please, miss.

Yes?

Please...

Well, hell, could you tell me

where the land office is?

Well, you're looking right at it.

Can't you see the sign?

Well, you see, miss, I...

Well, hell, I don't read too goddamn

good. My name's Cable Hogue.

Which one is it?

It's right there, with the white sign.

Thank you kindly, miss.

The stage office?

It's kitty-corner from here,

across from the bank.

- Thank you, miss.

- My pleasure.

Thank you truly.

How much it cost to file?

Will this be under the Desert Land Act

or homesteaded?

Well, I wanna do what's right.

Under the Desert Land Act, an individual

can file for up to 320 acres...

...at a dollar and a quarter an acre.

Plus proof of reclamation.

Now, whoa. Hold up there, fella.

What the hell does all that mean?

Land without water is not allowable.

If you can't substantiate

either agricultural...

Hold on there, fella. I got water.

Water?

- Where?

- West.

Eight miles through that Red Rock pass.

Off by the wagon road there.

- Seems to be open at present, but...

- But my ass.

- There's no water there.

- Yeah? Come on out.

If you can't drink it,

I'll fry that claim paper.

Speaking of which, where is it?

All right. What's your name?

Cable Hogue.

C-A-B... L-E or E-L?

How do you spell Cable?

If you're bogging down on Cable,

wait till you get to Hogue.

- How much it gonna cost?

- Dollar and a quarter an acre.

Here.

What will that buy me?

- That will buy you two acres.

- Hang it in, then.

Let's see what it'll do,

as the lady said to the sailor.

- Two acres, Mr. Hogue?

- It's legal, ain't it?

- Well, yeah.

- Mark it.

Two acres at Cable Springs,

signed, sealed and delivered!

- You put her down right there.

- Yes, sir.

- I want a copy on my desk.

- Right away, sir.

You the boss here?

- I'm Quittner.

- Quittner?

Well, I'll bet you ain't

no quitter, are you?

So you bought yourself a claim

for two dollars and a half.

- So what?

- So it was every last cent I had.

I can believe it.

Where is this claim, Mr...?

- Mr...?

- Hogue.

C-A-B-L-E.

- It's at Jackass Flats, about a mile...

- What you got out there...

...is so important

you gotta bother me with it?

You trying to tell me you found water

between here and Gila?

If you was to give me $35...

...I'd cut you in for half.

This stage line's been operating

for 35 years.

We've looked under every rock

between here and Gila.

If there was water in that 40 miles,

we'd have found it.

- I'm telling you straight!

- No, I'm telling you straight!

I've had my belly full of broken-down

prospectors, hoboes...

...and get-rich-quick-on-my-money

promoters.

Every one of you comes by here

is trying to gouge money out of me.

You're the only son of a b*tch that has

the gall to pour water on my britches.

Now, I let you talk, I listened to you

and I'm not interested.

Get out and stay out, partner.

- By God, this is worth something.

- Yeah, worth two acres of Jackass Flats.

- Eleven hundred.

- Twelve.

Thirteen fifty.

- Forty, 45.

- That's 1500.

One thousand one, two...

- Ninety-two hundred.

...three, four...

...five, six...

- Twenty-five, thirty...

- Something I can do for you?

- That chunk of paper there?

That's me. Mine. Mine.

Across the street there, they think

I'm lying. They say there's no water.

No water?

Listen.

I was robbed and left to die

without a drop.

Well, do I look dead?

No, sir. Climbed up on my hind feet

and walked straight to water.

W-A-T-L-E.

That grabs you by the short hairs,

don't it?

- You've got the floor.

- Those silly jackasses over there...

...can laugh at me all they want,

but they're in trouble.

Wouldn't you think

a stage line could see that?

In all the long, wrought-out,

back-breaking, kidney-shaking...

...bladder-busting

miles from here to Lizard...

...there's not one spot

of wet relief for man nor beast.

Now, if I could bring comfort to

the passengers, rest to the teams...

...food and drink to the drivers,

and water to all...

...what would be wrong with that? A

preacher out at my diggings will tell you.

- Would you doubt a man of the Gospel?

- Of course.

That's the first man I'd doubt.

By golly.

I'll be damned.

Looks like I came to the right place

after all.

What do you want?

Grubstake.

Thirty-five of them green ones.

Have you any collateral?

Do you own anything?

- Why, sure. I told you, there.

- That is $2 and a half.

Well, I'm worth something, ain't I?

I want to hear more.

- Why?

- Why not?

Hey, I always thought you bankers

stole for the rich.

- I didn't know you'd talk to trash like me.

- We don't steal.

Well, lend, borrow, invest

and mortgage and repossess.

What the hell else do you call it?

What's your name?

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