The Big Chill Page #5

Masturbation's the ultimate act

of self-absorption.

You jerk off?

Does a bear have fleas?

No, does a bear

sh*t in the woods?

Does a bear jerk off?

I sh*t in the woods,

but I can't jerk off.

We're trying to avoid

dealing with Alex.

Every time it comes up,

someone changes the subject.

It's a dead subject.

I get real tired of these jokes.

What are we afraid of?

To show our emotions?

Are we mad at him for

leaving no explanations?

I could say something funny

about that. But I won't.

Great, they got here early.

Thanks, Toby.

I appreciate it.

Yes, sir, Mr. Cooper.

It was my pleasure.

Yes, sir, Mr. Cooper. Sir.

Give me a break, that's my name.

Mr. Weber.

So you just fell asleep?

That's what I just said,

didn't I?

About five times.

I didn't know him in the biblical sense.

Is that clear?

I don't know why you're touchy.

I don't know why you're curious.

These feel great.

I'm never taking these off.

I will sleep in them.

Which doesn't mean he'll

have sex with them.

Is there any salt and pepper, please?

What do you think about

this latest brainstorm of Michael's?

I'm not sure I want to be part owner

of a jet-set greasy spoon.

Think we could

stall him for a while?

What is that?

Nick wanted to

take a look at the property.

He'll be back before

the game starts.

Thanks.

Are we the first ones up?

You remember.

Alex used to call me Sam the Sham.

Don't say that.

It was real.

I stood with thousands of people

listening to you. You moved them.

Now I reach

millions of people every week.

Hell, it's just garbage.

That's not true.

You entertain people.

God knows, we need that now.

I try.

I try once every show

to put something of value in there.

- But I don't know.

- You do.

I can see it.

I feel my kids have

gotten something from J.T. Lancer.

Really?

Kids.

There you go.

You've done something.

You and Richard have

built something for yourselves.

You know the secret of Richard?

Remember my father?

I didn't want that

to happen to me.

Richard looked like all that

had been missing in my childhood.

A man like that could

build a stable environment for children.

And he did.

It's just that now...

What?

Well, you know.

Tell me.

Well, it's not like

talking to you.

All my life, deep inside...

...I felt there was something I wanted

to express...

...but always felt, I don't know,

stymied.

I'm proud of what I did.

I'm doing a good job of raising my sons.

If it meant giving up

my writing, that's the way it goes.

- You don't remember my writing.

- Sure I do.

It's just poems and short stories.

I didn't show it to many people.

Why talk about it?

I made my decisin.

My children come first.

It's just that now it leaves

kind of a...

...I don't know, a space.

And all of Richard's...

...country clubs and home improvements

and business deals...

...are pretty superficial stuff.

I'm not complaining.

Well, maybe I am.

Sorry.

It's just...

...being with you...

...opens me up somehow.

Forgive me?

Hail to the conquering heroes.

Come on, the game's starting!

You don't want to miss

any of the Blue.

Yes, you do, all right.

And you were ready to write

this one off at 10-0.

- I didn't say anything about that.

- I saw that smile.

That pass, I can't believe it.

Go, go, go!

A flag? What?

What are they calling that?

- What is that?

- Clipping.

That was a clean hit.

- He clipped him.

- What are you talking about?!

Clipping.

Called against Michigan.

Sorry, Chloe.

Come on, Blue, you're not supposed to

fold till the fourth quarter.

Don't heckle Bo.

He's got enough pressure.

Where is Nick?

I can't believe he's missing this.

Teach them the basics, Bo.

Ugliest helmets in the worid.

I don't know.

Sometimes I wonder

if I was sick of being a good girl.

I could be counted on

to do the right thing.

It's a disgusting curse.

Probably thought Alex could touch

that part of me...

...that was unpredictable and magic.

The part I was always afraid of.

Who knows if it's even there?

When it was over, everything

went back to how it was before.

That's what we all agreed.

That's what we all said.

I was sorry everyone knew, but that was

as much my fault as anything.

Of course...

...things weren't really the same.

Alex withdrew from me then.

I was probably different with him.

We never wanted Harold to think that...

You can imagine.

So we finally consummated

this ancient lurking passin.

All it had done was

put up a wall in our friendship.

What?

He's not passing!

Nobody in the area.

Who was he passing to?

I'm sure you're happy.

He threw it right to you!

Idiot!

They're flying up a new quarterback

from Texas or something.

What? I didn't throw the ball.

So what am I, chopped liver?

- What are you talking about?

- You know.

- No, I don't.

- You know.

You asked Sam.

What is this, published somewhere?

You know we can do it.

We've done it.

Remember the march on Washington?

Armies of the night?

I remember.

I thought you'd be grateful.

- You're sweeping me off my feet.

- I thought you wanted a kid.

Thank you, Michael.

This is a big decisin.

I'll get back to you

in the third quarter.

Look at this! This could be us!

The next generation.

It could be.

Think about it.

Think!

Sh*t.

- How you doing, Harold?

- Not bad.

This guy claims to be a guest.

That true?

Depends. What'd he do?

- For one, he ran a red light.

- No, I didn't.

- He became verbally abusive.

- You got etiquette laws here?

He could be one of them Yankee

drug dealers we sometimes get...

...passing through on their way

to Florida.

This is my lawyer.

I don't have to take this.

It's true, officer.

Do you have probable cause?

Excuse me, aren't you J.T. Lancer?

Yes, sir, Officer.

I'll be.

What's that make you, Perry Mason?

You know, Pete.

He does look suspicious to me too.

Let's take him out back

and kick the sh*t out of him.

Must be quick.

The second half of the game's starting.

I'd be willing to drop this

whole thing...

...if you could persuade Mr. Lancer

into showing us...

...how he hops into

that sports car on TV.

I'd really appreciate it.

I watch that show every week

and I've always wondered.

Myself, I always have to open

the damn car door.

You have a hard top.

Don't do it.

Go for it.

I don't believe this.

Damn it!

It's not that bad, guys!

Don't talk.

Don't try to talk.

Make sure you keep his arm up.

Am I going to need a tetanus shot?

- You won't amputate, will you?

- I got to see.

What about my career?

I am sorry.

I thought they could do that stuff.

It's not your fault.

- Enjoy that second half, now.

- Will do.

Since when did you

get so friendly with cops?

You know, you're f***ing stupid.

Stupid!

That cop has twice kept

this house from being ripped off.

Happens to be a hell of a guy.

And you...

Come on, what is it?

What is it with you?

Is jail another experience to try?

See what it's like?

You know, I live here.

This place means something to me.

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