The Big Hit

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- Got a present for you.|- Who is it?

- Sammy.|- Sammy the Bull?

Sammy the Knife. I diced him up.

Did you clean him? Ah, man!

You're coming back for this weekend?|All right. Good luck.

Damn, Vince. Cheap, leaky bags! Sh*t!

Sh*t!

You've looked better, Sammy.

Hey, baby, how you doing?

- Can I ask an important question?|- Sure.

Where directly the f***|have you been all week?

Working.

Looks like your ass is still working.

I'm doing a favor for Vince.|He got that thing this weekend.

Melvin, you're doing|this sh*t for free!

You have a mortgage to pay|and my car note!

Did you see these notices?|Will you look at this sh*t?

Take care of your responsibilities|instead of doing favors for coworkers!

You're down at least 25 grand.

- Twenty-five grand?|- Yeah, baby!

- How did that happen?|- That's considering the mortgage.

The note on my Jag.

And all the other expenses.

He's kinda cute. Who is that?

That's Sammy the Knife,|one of Costanzo's crew.

That sh*t turns me off.

Vince is gonna be here on Saturday|to pick him up so I'm leaving him here.

- Are you going out this weekend?|- Maybe.

- Where's your fiancee?|- All right. Sh*t!

- You trying to clown me?|- I'm serious, dog. I've seen the light.

Check out the six-pack!|Looking kinda diesel, kid.

I get my workout swerve|on six days a week.

You telling me you never jerked|your dick in your life until last week?

That's bullshit, man.

I never needed to.

I've been f***ing since I was ten.

I can relate to that.

- Cisco!|- Cisco, yo.

I can't wear green. Clashes with|my eyes. Look good on you, though.

Bust a move, man.|We're gonna be late.

- Sh*t. Yo, Vinnie, you hear the news?|- What's that?

This fool claim he don't bone females|since he discovered wringing his rag.

- Is that true?|- No doubt. It's lower maintenance.

Mel is /ike me. He loves to bump bag.

He's got fwo of fhe sweefest-

If anybody needs to make a switch|to straight jacking, it's Mel.

Both of them chickenheads|is takin' my man to the cleaners.

Especially Chantel.

The way I see it, with the loot I saved|and the money I'll clock this weekend...

I should be able to put the final|payment down on that Grande Pinoche.

Sail that baby around the world!|Can you imagine that?

Damn Caribbean. Mediterranean.

South Seas.

Sounds great.

You need to get in on that weekend job|with me, Crunch and Gump.

- We could use a fourth.|- I got that thing this weekend.

Oh, well.|All right, gentlemen, synchronize.

- You know the drill, baby.|- Word is bond.

As agreed.|Three blondes under 20.

Midwestern. No tattoos.

- How much?|- Fifty thousand apiece.

Fifty thousand?

F*** them.

Get ready in five, four...

three, two, one.

Sh*t!

All right, all right.

In five, four...

three-

Ah, go, go!

- It's getting thick here! I need backup!|- We gof incoming.

We'll hold 'em back for you, man!

They're backing off.

With the bonus from today's hit, and|the chips from this weekend's caper...

I should be able to take|about a year off.

This is a bonus hit?

Without a doubt. Twenty-five large|to whoever clip the big man.

- Nondairy creamer?|- Yeah.

- What happened?|- Get off!

Go, go!

Are you ladies okay?

I'm really sorry about the mess.

- Time to get paid.|- Yes, sir.

- Take a piece of this!|- That's what we talkin' about!

Yeah, man!

We f***ed 'em up!

You're so fine.

I wanna pour milk on you and make you|part of my complete breakfast!

- Baby, you got a number for me?|- 911!

Come on, fellas, we gotta go!|Quit wasting your time.

We better find Mel|before he gets my bonus.

- Damn lesbians.|- Come on.

Cisco, where the f*** you at?|I need backup!

We'll hold 'em back for you, baby.

- I'm outta here!|- Protect me, I'm paying you double!

I can't spend it if I'm dead!

Bastard.

Sh*t! Cisco, Vince, Crunch,|we gotta get outta here now!

Good work, good work, good work.

Okay, Mel!

Looks like you owe me $25,000|in cash advances.

Your commission|should take care of that.

But the good news is,|here's your bonus.

Thank you, sir.

- Mel got the bonus?|- What?

Yo, yo, yo. Vince,|that guy was still alive, huh?

Extremely alive.

Sh*t!

- I'm the one who clipped him.|- I don't think so. He was dead.

Okay. Sure, whatever you say.

I'm wrong and you're right.|I'm lying.

I'm just trying to beat you|out of your hard-earned bonus, pal.

My kill, my bonus.

If you say you're the one|who clipped him...

who am I to say you didn't...

old friend?

You're an honest man, Mel.

Don't think I don't appreciate|that sh*t, baby.

I'll tell you what. To show you|how much love I gots for you...

if anything were to...

you know, happen to me...

you could take my boat.

- How'd that be? Is that love or what?|- I guess.

You getting lonely, baby?

Ah, yes, Daddy loves both of you.

That motherf***er.|Sh*t!

What?

Mel, you sure you don't wanna get in on|this caper we got planned for tomorrow?

That's like moonlighting.|Paris will kill us for that sh*t.

You're too honest|for your own good, baby.

Wrong house again, a**hole!

Sorry.

Hello?

- Melvin Smiley, please.|- This is he.

Mr. Smiley, Big Top Video.

You've had our copy of "King Kong Lives"|for over two weeks.

Return it immediately|or we will have you killed!

Yeah.

Hon, how you doin'?

- Fine. Seen my "King Kong Lives" tape?|- No, haven't seen it.

Mel, do you think my ass|is still perky?

- As a matter of fact-|- Go ahead, just give it a squeeze.

Let me know what you think.

Is it still perky?

- Is it firm, yet pliable?|- Like a teenager.

- Is this turning you on?|- Like a light switch.

- You know what I think we should do?|- What do you think we should do?

Invite Mom and Dad down|for the holiday weekend.

Actually, they're already coming down.|They're gonna be here tomorrow.

I figured we'd all|have dinner together.

I think this is gonna be|a great opportunity...

for you and my parents to bond.

I also think that this will be the|right time to tell them we're engaged.

- You haven't told them yet?|- I've been waiting for the right time.

You've got to break things gently|to my parents.

What do you mean? It was almost a year|before you told them I wasn't Jewish.

Technically, they don't know|you're not Jewish.

Honey, it's gonna be fine.

I fixed things between us|just yesterday.

They are gonna love you...

just as soon as they get over|the whole goyim factor.

What makes you think|they're gonna love me?

Remember when I told you Dad's business|was in trouble with the I.R.S.?

Yeah, so?

He was unable to get a loan|because of Mom's gambling...

and her plastic surgery|and everything, right?

Are you still having problems|with your stomach?

I told you about that spicy food.

Anyway, I took the $50,000 we had in|our savings account and lent it to Dad.

With as much money as we make, we'll|be fine until they get on their feet.

I can't believe that this guy...

will give you 25 grand more.

We've already got 50,000|out of this clown.

He thinks I'm paying my bills off.

What? You're not paying your bills?

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