The Big Hit Page #5

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Gave rise to over|33 different phenotypes...

all distinct for reaching their|sexual maturity within two months.

Then we eat them.

Yep.

You know, it's kind of sad.|In order to feed us...

something so young and|in the prime of its life...

has to die.

- Help! Help!|- Keiko!

I'm sorry.

Oh, sh*t!

F***!

- Here you go, Ma.|- You feel better, Bunza Bun?

Getting your hair done always helps|to mend a broken heart.

You're doing the right thing, baby.

We have to preserve our heritage.

You'll tell him after eating.

Better he should have a broken heart|on a full stomach.

Think he's gonna take the money back?

- What're you doing?|- Nothing. How was your outing?

Smells good. Something's cooking.

We're ready to eat when you are.

- Hello?|- This is Crunch.

What's up?|Hold on one second.

- Can you excuse me one second?|- Sure.

- et's go.|- Hello?

Yo, Crunch. What the f*** is goin' on?

Left.

Right here.

This is the place.

I'm gettin' the f*** out of the country,|and you need to do the same. Now!

I went by the office today.

Paris is planning a big hit.

Yo, n*gger! I said it should have|some lanolin in it.

Not some goddamn aloe vera bullshit.|Motherf***er!

Get it straight.

Seems like some motherfuckers done gone|and kidnapped Paris' goddaughter.

Some Japanese b*tch. Our Japanese b*tch.|See what I'm saying?

Look, you've got to let him have it|point blank.

It's over. Kaput. That's it!

But, Ma, that seems very harsh.

Cisco's trying to save himself.

He's after all of us.

He got Gump.

My advice.

Gef the f*** ouf of Dodge now,|n*gger.

There's a hif squad coming|for your ass righf now.

Peace. Out.

Sh*t.

Here's your prune juice, darling.

Leave the bottle.

Who's that?

Hello. Is Melvin Smiley here?

We're Melvin's coworkers.|We work in the same office.

Really?

- Is that chicken I smell?|- Have you eaten? - Lunch?

I haven't eaten all day.|Could you eat something?

- Come on.|- You're so gracious. Thank you.

He's a devoted colleague. A man who|works for the betterment of society.

So why does Melvin work on weekends?

He works with the homeless a lot.

He sells computers to the homeless?

You'd be surprised how many|homeless people buy computers.

Oh, really?

- Hello, Melvin.|- Hi, Melvin.

You wanna talk about this outside?

Sit down, Melvin.|I'd like to propose a toast.

To my wife. A lovely woman,|who for the past eight years...

has cost me over $200,000...

in plastic surgery bills.

And what was the end result|of all that surgery?

A 57-year-old woman|with the face...

of a beautiful|25-year-old ape.

- Oh, Morton!|- Shut your pisk!

I'll have you know|that many men...

have found me to be|a ravishing creature.

Don't you think I'm attractive still?

- A ravishing creature?|- Yes. Certainly.

Yeah, sure.

I agree. You're a creature.

Sit down! You're drunk.

To my darling daughter Pamela.

A princess.|My only child.

And the source of constant pride...

to degenerate, manipulative...

gold-digging leeches the world over.

Which leads me|to my would-be son-in-law Melvin...

who's very charming|in a "Rain Man" kind of way.

But obviously not good enough|for some parties.

- I think you better-|- Sit down and shut your pisk.

- Morton, please. Sit down!|- Where was I?

The first thing we do when we meet|this young man is have a big fight.

Then the young man comes to me|like Sidney Poitier...

in "Guess Who's Coming to dinner. "

A fine film, I might add.|And he proclaims...

"I will not marry your daughter|unless I have your blessing. "

To which I say...

"She doesn't deserve you.

You deserve to be in an environment|of tolerance and brotherhood. "

When I see four men|of different races...

colors and creeds, sitting together|at the dinner table...

it fills me with hope.

You four are what this country|is all about.

Oh, gross!|You nasty mother-

It's bonus time,|and guess who's the bonus.

Yo, Mel. You pissed at me, baby?

Backstabbing motherf***er.|We're supposed to be friends.

We're still friends. I just need space.|I still love you, baby.

Yeah, just like you loved Gump, huh?

It's every man for himself, Mel.

Move it out.|Freddy, you're with me.

- Pam?|- Yeah?

- Were you gonna break up with me?|- Yeah.

- I guess this is good-bye.|- Yes. Yes.

I'm sorry about the meal.

Things could be worse.

He's getting away!

Come on, move!

"Don'f worry, baby.

This'll shave four hours|off our drive. "

We're right back where we started,|you f***ing idiot!

He's an animal.|I should've found the money.

Don't worry. He won't hurt her now.|She's the only insurance he's got.

That was intense!

I'll be right back.

Oh, God!

- I think I broke my leg!|- Sh*t.

Nice f***in' driving, Mario.|Now get us out of here!

You have Triple-A card?

Mine expired.

He's got a gun.

- You were gonna keep this, weren't you?|- He wanted it.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Melvin, I'm sorry.|Can we just talk about this?

I love you!

Sh*t!

I wanted it?

If you would've stayed your narrow ass|on the freeway like I told you to...

this wouldn't have happened.

You wouldn't happen to know|where Melvin is headed, would you?

You wouldn't happen to know|where Melvin might be headed, would you?

Would you?

- Whaf happens now?|- I drop you off and you go home.

No, I mean,|what happens with us?

If you're gonna be with me, there are|certain things you need to understand.

I'm a contract killer.

I murder people for money.|So far they've all been bad people.

Give or take a few obnoxious ones.|That's what I do.

- It's the only thing that I'm good at.|- I'm cool with that.

If you stay with me,|your life's gonna be in danger.

A constant adrenaline rush?|Are you kidding?

- I like it.|- Understand this, okay?

I positively cannot be the only one|falling in love in this relationship.

- It's got to be mutual.|- I'm feeling you, Skipper.

I'm gonna return this tape.

When I come back, if you really want to,|we'll disappear together.

Stay still. Please.

Oh, God. I'm gonna get us out of here.|Just calm down. Please.

You don't seem that calm!

Aw, sh*t.

You okay?

All right. We can get out the back.

Come on. It's safe.|Just don't look down.

Skipper, look.

Oh, sh*t.|You gotta get out of here.

Meet me by the video store.|I gotta deal with this guy. Go!

The most expensive stand-up in the|history of motion picture marketing.

Awesome.

Smiley.

Here's your f***in' tape back.

Let's see here.

Ooh, late charges.

What's this?

Tape's not rewound?|That's gonna cost you!

I've taken a lot of sh*t from you.

I put up with your high prices,|your lousy selection.

- Your rude phone calls.|- Sorry about that.

- I want to tell you one thing.|- What?

I will never rent tapes|from this store again, you snotty-

I'm gonna finish what I started,|motherf***er.

No, please.

Knuckle up, b*tch.

Let's go, motherf***er.|Let's work.

- Where's the girl?|- I let her go.

You let that b*tch go? I can't believe|how f***ing stupid you are, man.

- She ain't no b*tch.|- Oh, she's not a b*tch.

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