The Big Lebowski Page #4

DUDE:

Hey, is this him with Nancy?

YOUNG MAN:

That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the

first lady, yes, taken when--

DUDE:

Lebowski on the right?

YOUNG MAN:

Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right,

Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when--

DUDE:

He's handicapped, huh?

YOUNG MAN:

Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And

this picture was taken when Mrs.

Reagan was first lady of the nation,

yes, yes? Not of California.

DUDE:

Far out.

YOUNG MAN:

And in fact he met privately with

the President, though unfortunately

there wasn't time for a photo

opportunity.

DUDE:

Nancy's pretty good.

YOUNG MAN:

Wonderful woman. We were very--

DUDE:

Are these.

YOUNG MAN:

These are Mr. Lebowski's children,

so to speak--

DUDE:

Different mothers, huh?

YOUNG MAN:

No, they--

DUDE:

I guess he's pretty, uh, racially

pretty cool--

YOUNG MAN:

They're not his, heh-heh, they're

not literally his children; they're

the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers,

inner-city children of promise but

without the--

DUDE:

I see.

YOUNG MAN:

--without the means for higher

education, so Mr. Lebowski has

committed to sending all of them

to college.

DUDE:

Jeez. Think he's got room for one

more?

YOUNG MAN:

One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went

to college?

DUDE:

Well, yeah I did, but I spent most

of my time occupying various, um,

administration buildings--

YOUNG MAN:

Heh-heh--

DUDE:

--smoking thai-stick, breaking into

the ROTC--

YOUNG MAN:

Yes, heh--

DUDE:

--and bowling. I'll tell you the

truth, Brandt, I don't remember most

of it.--Jeez! F*** me!

Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed

Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI

ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we

realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the

display is mirrored.

We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude,

wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look.

So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He

wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin.

Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized

wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski.

LEBOWSKI:

Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a

Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very

busy so what can I do for you?

He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him

as Brandt withdraws.

DUDE:

Well sir, it's this rug I have, really

tied the room together-

LEBOWSKI:

You told Brandt on the phone, he

told me. So where do I fit in?

DUDE:

Well they were looking for you, these

two guys, they were trying to--

LEBOWSKI:

I'll say it again, all right? You

told Brandt. He told me. I know

what happened. Yes? Yes?

DUDE:

So you know they were trying to piss

on your rug--

LEBOWSKI:

Did I urinate on your rug?

DUDE:

You mean, did you personally come

and pee on my--

LEBOWSKI:

Hello! Do you speak English? Parla

usted Inglese? I'll say it again.

Did I urinate on your rug?

DUDE:

Well no, like I said, Woo peed on

the rug--

LEBOWSKI:

Hello! Hello! So every time--I

just want to understand this, sir--

every time a rug is micturated upon

in this fair city, I have to

compensate the--

DUDE:

Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam

anybody here, I'm just--

LEBOWSKI:

You're just looking for a handout

like every other--are you employed,

Mr. Lebowski?

DUDE:

Look, let me explain something.

I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr.

Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's

what you call me. That, or Duder.

His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if,

you know, you're not into the whole

brevity thing--

Rate this script:4.3 / 3 votes