The Big Street

Why you...

- Come on.

- Just give it to him. Break it up.

In the mayor's name,

why are you clopping each other?

- Hit the grit. It's a friendly argument.

- We're having a slight difference of opinion.

In reference to the eating contest

about to commence.

An eating contest?

Precisely. Based on the capacity

of the human digestive tract.

- This is, of course, a gag.

- A gag?

Already close on to 50,000 fish...

...are being held in escrow

pending the outcome.

Case Ables alone has wagered

$20,000 on my protg...

...Nicely Nicely Johnson,

the greatest eater alive.

- He's a sure thing.

- Exactly.

And even a policeman will admit...

...that when Case Ables

ventures a dollar on anything...

...it isn't exactly a laughing matter.

- Except this time.

My boy, Joel Duffle of Boston,

will hang up a new world's record tonight.

Fiddle-de-dee.

Any further wild remarks,

and I start clopping again.

Fiddle-de-dum.

- Fiddle-de-dum?

- Yeah.

Now, boys, come on.

Hey, Professor.

- Come on, guys.

- Come on.

Hey, Professor B.

Yes, Little Pinks?

Mr. Ables wants to see you

in the office, right away important.

Coming, Little Pinks,

with utmost dispatch.

You will make all further remarks

to old Judge Bamberger.

His Honor is chief judge

of the contest inside.

I'll discuss the matter with him later.

Coming, Horsethief?

Out of the way, please. Thank you.

Let's get started! Come on!

Let's get started!

He's out. Dyspepsia.

You tub of lard.

Can I help it if I'm sick?

Pardon me, gentlemen,

but this is all very, very sad.

Yeah. You got great ideas,

a eating contest.

Prizefights and horseraces

ain't risky enough.

You gotta think up a gag

to cop me out of 20 grand.

Maybe we can give him bicarbonate.

To cure him,

you'd need a large stomach pump.

Oh, what did I do?

I was a little hungry

around cocktail time...

...and I had a chocolate malted.

Just a little, teeny chocolate malted...

...and maybe a couple of jars of pickles,

them little sweet kind.

- Couple of jars of pickles?

- We might possibly find an understudy.

You get a glam of Joel Duffle?

He eats a stuffed elephant for breakfast.

I know a lady who eats two cantaloupe

and eight eggs for breakfast.

Washes it down

with two quarts of coffee.

Butt out. I ain't risking my dough

on no amateur eaters.

Patience, Case, patience.

Is this an eyewitness report, Pinks,

or hearsay?

Oh, that's a fact.

Her name is Miss Violette Shumberger.

We live in the same boarding house.

I've seen her eat.

- She has a very large capacity for groceries.

- How large?

Well, for supper last night,

she ate a whole Virginia ham...

...three plates of soup,

and quite a lot of potatoes and strudel.

- Get her.

- I don't know if she'd come. She's bashful.

- See if 100 bucks will make any difference.

- Well, I'll do my best.

Shut up, you gasbag.

Oh, I just remembered...

...I also eat a little, teeny Bermuda onion.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...the fight to a finish...

...for the eating championship

of the world!

In this corner, Mr. Joel Duffle of Boston.

Weight, 337 and a half pounds.

And in this corner...

...pinch-hitting

for Mr. Nicely Nicely Johnson...

...Miss Violette Shumberger of this city.

Weight, 100 pounds...

...four ounces.

Stand by me, Pinks, and I can do it.

- Just don't leave. Promise.

- Cross my heart.

Look at that.

Stay right with her, Little Pinks.

Don't you leave her for a second.

Come on, champ.

Get in there and bite. That's it.

Get in there and bite!

Bite! Bite! Come on!

We're snowed in good with that skeleton.

Kindly clear the way, please.

Do you let me go through

or do I start slugging?

Keep it up. Keep it up.

It's very nice to see you here,

Miss Lyons. Very, very nice.

- Who are you?

- You wouldn't remember me.

I used to work at the Club Glamor.

I used to stand and watch you.

- I have your picture at home on the wall.

- How nice.

Show me the way to Mr. Ables, please.

I'll take care of these characters.

Please make way for Miss Lyons.

Baby! Somebody get Baby! Baby!

Come back here, Baby.

What's going on?

Pinks.

Baby!

Baby. Baby, darling.

- Pinks!

- Go on eating.

- Where are you?

- Go on eating. Don't stop.

Hey, don't stop eating.

Hey! Come on, get going.

- Get going. Sit down and...

- Where is he? Pinks!

The winner, Joel Duffle,

on the basis of the half-minute rule.

You're the hero type.

You won't regret this.

Oh, it's a pleasure to do you

a favor, Miss Lyons.

Make way for Miss Lyons, please.

Do you know you just cost me 25 grand?

I was only getting the lady's dog,

Mr. Ables.

He rescued Baby Angel Wings.

He done me quite a favor.

Oh, he did, huh? Well...

What kind of attitude is that?

Pushing a little guy

because he done me a good turn.

- Button your lip.

- Listen.

You shoved a lot of guys in your life,

mostly your own size, and that's okay.

But when you start picking on mice,

I don't like it.

You'll like what I tell you to like.

Thanks, kid.

Thank you, Miss Lyons.

You cut a big hole

in "Help Wanted, Male."

Hello, Violette.

Her picture was on the other side.

Do you think Miss Lyons

would autograph it if I ask?

Seems to me you got enough

photographs of her.

She's kind of like my ideal.

She's Case Ables' sweet pea,

and I don't want any part of him.

- Oh, he's not so bad.

- Oh, sure. He's wonderful.

You should have him arrested

for making you lose your job.

- I'll get another one.

- Bussing?

Sure.

You could be something, Pinks.

- Ain't you got any ambition?

- Not much.

You can't spend your life

giving out butter and filling glasses.

Why not? Oh, I don't like day jobs.

They cage you in.

I wanna see things in the light

because I got a lot to check on.

You know, you're an intellectual, Pinks.

Now, me, I'm strictly

a no high school girl.

I like New York.

- Hello, Pinks.

- How are you, Nicely Nicely?

Oh, nicely, nicely, thank you.

Oh, that's Miss Violette Shumberger.

- How do you do?

- Hello.

I've heard a lot about you.

Oh, I have a slight message

for you, Pinks.

- From who?

- Miss Gloria Lyons told me to tip you...

...to see her on the double quick

in reference to the payroll.

You see, Violette?

You got her all wrong.

Show me the envelope

with the cash in it, and I'll apologize.

Well, so long, everybody.

- So long.

- Goodbye.

I sure admire your style.

Gee, we could play

a great game of doubles.

What kind of talk is this?

Well, you see, a fat guy

is always listening to love stories...

...but he ain't never got any to tell.

Aren't you nice, Mr. Nicely Nicely.

Would you like to come upstairs...

...and see my kitchen?

You said kitchen?

I sure would, Miss Shumberger.

Violette, with a double T, E.

Are you still here?

I told you, Miss Lyons

said she wanted to see me.

Yeah? What do you want she should do?

Dance up the steps and get you?

Please wait around backstage

or you'll have to pay cover charge.

- Everything all right, Mr. Reed?

- Fine.

I'd even be better if you could get

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