The Blackout
1
[no sound]
[music starts]
[ Dirt/Nap - Light the Way]
Eddie.
Good morning, sunshine.
Who is that?
No, no no no no no...
Babe, the sexiest thing
I could've done
is check her pulse.
Jenny. Jenny. Jenny, come on.
Just clam down.
Give me a second
to smoke a bowl,
and figure out what the hell
happened last night.
I can't do this anymore, Eddie.
Don't. The band's
signing papers.
We're going on tour today.
Yeah. All the more reason
we should cut our losses.
Nothing happened in there.
I swear.
Don't f***ing text me,
don't f***ing call me,
just don't even think about me.
Facebook?
[slaps]
Jenny, come on. Jenny!
This is all just a
misunderstanding.
[music plays]
Oh my god.
Jesus.
[birds chirping]
Hmm...
[peeing]
[sighs]
[stops peeing]
[sighs]
Well, this can't get any worse.
[guitar music plays]
[bottle clinking]
[dramatic sound]
Toss?
[drum]
Hey Toss. Hey buddy.
Toss! Come on, buddy.
Hey man, Toss!
No, no, no.
No!
[Toss throws up loudly]
I thought you are dead.
Oh. You mean I'm not?
What did we do last night?
Oh...
[exhales]
I'll tell you what we didn't do.
[exhales]
[throws up loudly again]
[in disgust]
Oh...
Enough for coke.
Sh*t got a little out of hand
last night.
AIDS,
got a little out of hand
compared to what happened here.
Dude, I can't remember
anything.
At some point,
triple jumped the line between
award show drunk and
Hasslehoff.
[laughs]
Oh...
[in disgust]
Who took a sh*t in your mouth?
Chas.
Who else?
F***ing a**hole.
[spits]
Jenny broke up with me.
Oh cool.
No.
Not cool.
Chas f***ed this stripper in my
room last night,
Jenny walked in, and just
assumed...
You hit that?
-What?
No!
You should've woke her with
wood,
she would've thought you were
Chas, right?
You want Chas' sloppy seconds?
[sighs]
Can't get more Herpes.
That's not true.
[guitar notes]
dinner.
I don't remember,
the last thing I remember.
[exhales heavily]
Wow, uh-uhn.
You know, my back hurts,
from carrying you every time we
try to have fun.
[ascends noises]
...what you want me to do.
If you are hungry,
eat.
They wouldn't wait for you.
That's my f***ing point, Toss.
[whips]
Why are you looking at them?
I don't know.
Why are you making such a big
deal out of nothing?
As usual.
Ahh!!
[angry]
[sighs]
Well,
that was a little more heated
than usual.
Yeah, she must be ride on the
cotton pony.
Why do you always assume...
-Shush...
Alright, let's not take your
frustrations
on my girl.
She was about to side with her
even though you both know that
she's
[loudly]
bat sh*t crazy!
-Shut!
Up!
-Hey!
That's enough, man.
No, it's fine.
-I'm sorry.
Toss!
Treat my girl with some respect,
man.
[inaudible conversation]
It's about f***ing time.
Dinner's been over for an hour.
But dig in, boys.
We were at Crazy Girls
with b*obs. Now we're here.
Did I ever tell you about
the time I was
balls deep in the two hole
right here on this very table?
What was his name?
Ha ha ha.
Forgive us. Most of your stories
start that way.
That is because I have a
pornographic
memory, my friend.
about your sexual...
Disappointments.
[laughs]
Speak for yourselves.
I love hearing this stuff.
It's hot, very sexy.
Sometimes I jerk off.
[chuckles]
What? I'm lonely.
All right,
you know what?
Why don't we put this to a vote?
How many people here,
actually,
want to hear this bullshit?
Show hands.
Great! Now we don't have to
hear about
in every room of this house.
Not fair.
Birds can't vote.
Go f*** yourself, Chas.
I already have.
But you know, I've got just
enough juice
left to get that last room.
-Oh,
there's a reason,
why it's the last room.
I'll get in.
I always do.
I bet you say that
to all the boys.
If I were you,
I will choose my next word very
carefully, my friend.
Because I can do worse than
what everyone hears
through your walls and their
nightmares.
Well, I think we all know
you can do better.
[scoffs]
Right?
Is that a joke?
Listen, if I'm fully drunk,
and she's half attractive,
then she's fully attractive.
that kind of math,
then he'd still be alive.
[laughs]
Gees!
[bottle smashing]
Was he gonna do math...
Just somebody call a punch
before I do.
Easy, love.
We just having a spot of fun.
-Yeah, fun.
Anyone having a blast?
You know, I think we all be a
little bit off spirit tonight.
How you ladies doing?
Em, time of my f***ing life.
Kinda night you just wanna wrap
your lips around cold steel.
Is she going on tour with us?
I would, but you'd will there,
so...
-So,
great.
-Chas.
You've been a dick ever since I
decided to sleep
-God...
Love,
I've always been a dick.
And you see, the thing about
d*cks,
is that they attract p*ssy.
And the biggest dick,
gets the most p*ssy.
And let's face it.
You've never seen a bigger dick
than this,
I mean, he's the rhythm guitar.
Chas.
-What?
For the love of god,
I'll super glue your cock your
taint.
Again.
Well, I think it's time to
powder my nose.
Wait, you got coke?
Too soon?
[sighs]
Too late.
[in disgust]
[doorbell rings]
We've got company.
[humming]
What did he piss about?
He does play rhythm guitar.
I hate my life.
Jenny.
[doorbell rings again]
One two, cha cha cha...
Are you guys expecting
company?
Just few of our closest friends,
friend.
Really?
Really.
You invited them.
Oh dude, I invited some people.
people.
Wonderful.
Guys,
this just supposed to be
a dinner party.
Yeah, well uh,
we had dinner, so,
let's party.
Right!
[loud, rock music starts]
Get out of the way.
[music continues]
[screaming]
Key's in the kitchen.
You...Ah! I'm so glad you made
it.
I'll find you in a little while.
[greeting]
Get drunk.
[rock music continues]
Chas.
What?
I though We had a
understanding.
amongst friends?
Friends?
I f***ing hate you.
[laughs]
Jenny?
[loud noise descends]
[exhales]
That's it.
Movie's over.
Most of that was news to me.
Did we sign our contract last
night?
I have no f***ing idea.
Do you remember anything else?
I remember the Titans.
[empty bottle smashes]
[bottle smashes on the ground]
Toss?
Get the f*** over here.
[guitar notes]
Greatest,
party,
ever?
[laughs]
[guitar notes]
[bottle rolling]
Ahhh...
Dude, f***.
So we're f***ed,
and I'm going to jail.
Look at the bright side...
Did anyone ever die in Tommy
Lee's pool?
Yes.
-Exactly.
Ultimate street credit.
[laughs]
You can't buy that kind of...
What the f*** are you doing?
No no no,
we're not going to jail.
We're going on tour.
What the f***, man?
-Look,
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"The Blackout" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_blackout_19805>.
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