The Borrowers Page #4

Your cleverness, your

courage, your warmth.

Rugged good looks?

I wouldn't go that far.

But you should be proud,

you should be pleased she

wants to travel the world,

that she's got the same

sense of adventure as you.

I am.

I've been an idiot, haven't I?

- Yes, you have.

But you're my idiot,

so you're forgiven.

Hello?

Spiller, is that you?

'Th... This is a message for Carol,

my platinum blonde bombshell.

'Anyway, I wanted you to be the

first to hear the good news.

'We have them -

'the little thieves that have been

terrorising you for so long.'

DOOR OPENS:

'Message deleted.'

COUGHS:

STRAINS:

Jump! Come on, I got you!

Phew!

A woman's heart is a curious thing.

An enigma wrapped in a quandary - a

cryptic conundrum secretly scrawled

on a scroll of finest woven papyrus

and locked in a cyrus cylinder

of the utmost complexity

- it's unfathomable.

Utterly unfathomable.

I suppose that's why we find it

so alluring, isn't it, Clive?

Oh, Clive.

I understand the creatures of

the world at a cellular level,

molecular, even,

yet the secrets of a woman's heart

are a mystery that I've

never been able to solve.

Until now! Ha!

Now, now, I can play the

part of the conquering hero,

the triumphant warrior returning,

having slain the beast...

.. and I can lay my heart open

at the homestead of my love.

Professor?

How long have you been standing

there listening to me?

Not long... Seconds.

Good. Very good.

Excellent, so, how can I help you?

There's a problem with the specimens.

Sorry, I mean, 'the beasts'.

Do we get to slay them now?

Be quiet, Jennifer!

We should be safe here.

What is this place?

Hey, you're shivering.

We need to get you dry.

How?

Come on.

Hmm, I think I'll use ultrasound...

see if I can detect a heartbeat.

What happened?

Well, it could be any

number of causes, really.

Proximal factors, close human

contact, airborne diseases, shock.

Does this mean I get to

dissect the little skebangas?

I have to say, I find it a little

disconcerting that you had that

quite so readily to hand.

Jenny?

Yes, Prof?

Where have they gone?

Seriously, where are they?

What? That's impossible.

And do I get a thank you?

What for?

For saving your life!

I'd have thought of something.

I should've let you get

sucked up by that machine.

So why didn't you?

Don't think it's because I like you. I don't.

- So why did you come back, then?

Because I want that coin. And I

need to keep you safe to get it.

So you're going to help me?

Don't look at me like that. I meant

what I said. I still don't like you.

That's because you haven't

got to know me yet.

Is that an offer?

Oh!

You move fast! Not that I'm complaining.

Beans are coming!

- What? No, they're not.

DOOR OPENS:

Beginner's luck.

Which way?

Pod?

- I'm thinking.

Ah, how wonderful! You can talk!

Run!

Got you!

# With the angelic host proclaim

# Christ is born in Bethlehem

# Hark, the herald angels sing

# Glory to the newborn king! #

How do you know the words to this?

I picked it up. They sing

it every borrowing season.

You know the beans don't call it

that. They call it Christmas.

Who cares?

All I know is that for

three weeks every year,

the beans leave rich

pickings for us Borrowers.

Hmm. Strawberry cream for dessert

every night. Nuts. Chocolate...

I could tell you were spoilt.

I lived in a hole.

Yeah, your dad's a bit of a nutter, isn't he?

Don't call him that.

You've changed your tune.

How do you know my dad?

You may not think to look at him

now, but your old man's a hero.

What?!

He stopped the beans from

finding the Underground,

and risked his life to do it too.

I don't believe you.

Fair enough.

Spiller, what happened?

Your dad wasn't able to save

everyone. There was a girl -

she didn't make it.

Why?

He had to make a choice.

What was she called?

Eggletina.

My cousin!

Yeah, well, after that he wasn't

seen around the Underground again.

Even though he saved the town,

everyone blamed him for her death?

No, no, but he did.

That probably explains

why you had it so good -

if you didn't want for nothing,

there'd be no reason for you to go

getting into trouble, would there?

Nuts, chocolate, strawberry cream!

I haven't got close to

strawberry cream in years,

and you've been getting them every night!

Do you really think we'll

be able to find them?

Yeah.

Of course we will.

No idea how yet, but...

REVEREND:
.. whom in the Lord Jesus...

Can you get us back home

- to my old home, I mean?

There's someone there

who I think can help.

Who?

No, you can't be serious. Not one of them.

They can't be trusted!

This one can be.

Well, I'm very sorry to hear

about your grandmother -

I hope it's nothing too serious.

No. Just a cold.

Rhinitis acuta catarrhalis.

Well, make sure you give

her my very best wishes.

Yeah.

Now then, young man,

do you remember telling me that

this was from one of your dolls?

I suppose I must've been wrong.

Indeed. Behold.

Can I have a closer look?

Don't touch. They're wily little weasels.

Who are you calling a weasel?

I thought we agreed not to speak to them!

I'm not putting up with her insults -

calling us names like that!

It's fascinating, isn't it?

Their domestic constructs are

not so different from our own.

We demand food and water and

to be released immediately!

Sustenance will naturally be provided.

We want you in the rudest possible health

before you're presented to the world.

You'll be the scientific discovery of the age.

You know what you can do with

your scientific discovery,

you can stick that right up your...

MUFFLED SPEECH:

You're going to put them on display?

Only for a very short period

before we get down to the

serious business of...

anatomical analysis -

physical tests, blood work.

Dissection.

- Obviously dissection.

You're going to cut them up?!

- It's not as bad as it sounds.

We'll gas them first. We're

not monsters, you know.

Were there any others?

These were the only two we captured.

Why? Have you see any more?

No.

I just saw those two.

- Oh.

Now, this exquisite grandmother of yours,

do you think she's a bunch of flowers or

a box of chocolates sort of person, hm?

Is James in?

Do you think he'll like it?

I think he'd rather his dad

was around than some swish toy.

I wanted it to be special.

Well, what a stupid waste of money!

I thought I'd done something

right for a change!

That would've been a change!

Yeah, I know, and how many more

times are you going to let him down?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...

It's all right.

- It's not.

You distract yourself with the little things,

and you end up forgetting

about what's really important.

I'm sorry.

What's this?

We didn't have enough to get by.

I thought you would get a job soon

and I thought I could

keep up the repayments.

They're taking the house.

Keep out of sight and let me do the talking.

'Thanks for getting me back, Spiller!

'Without you, I wouldn't have had a

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