The Boxtrolls Page #14

WINNIE (CONT’D)

You don’t scratch there in public!

That’s why they’re called...

(whispered)

... privates.

75.

Winnie looks around to make sure nobody saw that.

EGGS:

(whispered)

Okay.

WINNIE:

For this is to work, there are a

few things you need to know. When

you meet someone, you must look

them in the eye and shake hands.

Eggs OPENS HIS EYEBALLS STUPIDLY WIDE and WIGGLES HIS HANDS

in the air like a lunatic.

WINNIE (CONT’D)

What are you doing?! Put those

down!

She pulls his hands down.

WINNIE (CONT’D)

Like this.

Eggs puts his left hand out. She slaps it away.

WINNIE (CONT’D)

The other one.

EGGS:

Oh, right.

She shoves his hand into hers -- a proper shake.

WINNIE:

Then you say,

(snobbish)

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

EGGS:

(impersonating Winnie’s

snobbish voice)

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

WINNIE:

And you say that even if you’re not

pleased to meet them.

Eggs looks confused, but nods yes anyway. A look of doubt

comes over Winnie’s face.

WINNIE (CONT’D)

(SIGHS)

Just stick close, okay?

76.

She opens the huge doors and the elegant sound of chamber

music and civilized conversation pours out.

INT. CHEESE GUILD - ENTRANCE HALL - NIGHT

ON THE GUILD DOORS: as a BUTLER holds an enormous cheese tray

out for party guests. Lady Cynthia pierces cheese with her

fork and the tray whirls away.

LADY CYNTHIA (O.S.)

Is that all that is left of the new

Roquefort? (trails off)

Winnie enters and Eggs follows her, standing tall and

straight like a stiff little wooden soldier. Eggs stares

around, curious.

EGGS:

Which one is your father?

WINNIE:

(sarcastic)

Lord Portley-Rind. He’s usually

making speeches about cheese.

They search the crowd for Lord Portley-Rind.

LADY CYNTHIA (O.S.)

Oh, Winifred!

Winnie stops, forces a smile. Eggs ducks down and covers his

head.

WINNIE:

Hello, mommy dear.

Winnie’s mother, LADY CYNTHIA - a high strung, slender stick

of a woman - appears.

LADY CYNTHIA:

(notices Eggs)

Oh. Who is this?

Eggs peeks out from under his hands and looks up, timidly.

EGGS:

I’m Eggs?

WINNIE:

(interrupting)

--Bert. Eggsbert. Is a normal

name... that he has.

77.

Lady Cynthia looks flustered, but tries to keep up

appearances.

LADY CYNTHIA:

Eggsbert. How nice, I... umm, adore

names from the bible.

Lady Cynthia reaches for Winnie’s hand, but Eggs suddenly

grabs and shakes it vigorously.

EGGS:

Its a pleasure to meet you.

Winnie winces. Lady Cynthia is flustered as Eggs continues to

wiggle her arm about. Winnie whispers to Eggs.

WINNIE:

No, no. You kiss a lady’s hand.

(Winnie makes KISS SOUNDS on the

back of her hand)

Eggs releases Lady Cynthia. She gasps and straightens, taking

Winnie’s hand.

LADY CYNTHIA:

(flustered)

Darling, it’s time to take off that

dress and... burn it.

Lady Cynthia drags Winnie away.

WINNIE:

(calling back)

Don’t move. I’ll be right back.

EGGS:

But which ones are the ladies?!

Eggs looks around, finding himself amongst formally dressed

aristocrats. He tries to slink away but bumps into a couple.

LADY BRODERICK:

Oh!

SIR BRODERICK:

Ahem!

The couple turns around to stare incredulously at Eggs. He

stares at them, agape, then remembers what Winnie taught him.

He stands very straight and sticks his hand out to Sir

Broderick.

78.

EGGS:

(snobbish)

It’s a pleasure to meet you.

Sir Broderick smiles and shakes his hand.

SIR BRODERICK:

Very good.

EGGS:

Even if I don’t mean it!

SIR BRODERICK:

(insulted)

What? Well, I never!

Sir Broderick tries to lead his wife away, but Eggs grabs her

hand and kisses it!

EGGS:

And, it’s a pleasure to meet you.

(KISS SOUNDS)

Two kisses later with no effect, Eggs licks Lady Broderick’s

hand.

LADY BRODERICK:

Nooo!

She is disgusted and SHAKES HER HANDS in the air to get the

lick off. She walks off wailing.

EGGS:

I was right!

Eggs misunderstands her hand shakes as “shaking hands” - he

bulges out his eyes and waves hands in the air exactly like

Winnie told him not to.

Sir Broderick hustles his wife away. Eggs saunters off,

shaking his hands at everyone.

EGGS (CONT’D)

It’s a pleasure to meet you... it’s

a pleasure to meet you... it’s a

pleasure to meet youuuuu! Oooooh!

Eggs is distracted as a LADYBUG buzzes in. It lands on a

flower arrangement in the middle of A TABLE FULL OF CHEESE.

Eggs grabs the bug and is about to put it in his mouth, when:

SIR LANGSDALE (O.S.)

[GRUNT!]

79.

Eggs turns to see Sir Langsdale putting an OLIVE on a stack

of cheese and crackers. Langsdale shoves the stack into his

mouth, smacking with approval.

Eggs places the ladybug on a CRACKER STACKED WITH CHEESE, and

then eats it. Sir Langsdale sees him eat the bug and is

appalled.

SIR LANGSDALE (CONT’D)

Hmm? Well I could just...

Sir Langsdale storms off. Eggs doesn’t notice. He goes down

the table, shoveling various cheeses into his mouth.

EGGS:

(mouth full)

Yum. Mmmthatsgood.

BOULANGER (O.S.)

(clears throat loudly)

Eggs looks up and sees two aristocrat ladies and Boulanger

using forks to nibble politely.

FEMALE ARISTOCRAT A (O.S.)

Eww.

A lady aristocrat pointedly taps her plate with the fork,

signaling to Eggs.

EGGS:

(mouth full)

Huh? Oh!

BLARRG! He SPITS the chewed cheese back on to a plate, grabs

a fork, and gingerly nibbles at the regurgitated food. The

ladybug rests on top then flies away. He shovels a forkful

into his mouth.

THUD. Ladies faint. Eggs watches them nonchalantly while

SMACKING his mouthful of cheese.

BUTLER (O.S.)

Ladies and Gentlemen... Lord

Portley-Rind!

He puts down the plate and fork quickly as Lord Portley-Rind

appears.

Eggs joins the crowd that has gathered around the Cheese

Guild staircase as Portley-Rind orates.

80.

LORD PORTLEY-RIND

Distinguished members of the cheese

guild. We were here to celebrate

the successful fund-raising for a

new children’s hospital! But my

fellow White Hats and I decided the

money would be better spent on

this. I present:
THE BRIEHEMOTH!

He whips a sheet off a giant WHEEL OF CHEESE. Everyone gasps

and applauds. Eggs walks toward the stairs. Suddenly, he is

grabbed from behind.

MADAME FROU FROU

Zere you are!

Madame Frou Frou’s crazily painted face looms over him.

People nearby turn and stare. He/She suddenly pulls Eggs

away.

MADAME FROU FROU (CONT’D)

Come. Such a naughty boy! We have

so much to discuss.

(Snatcher’s voice)

Alone.

Eggs’ eyes go wide as he realizes who it is.

EGGS:

You’re Snatc-

SMACK! Madame Frou Frou covers his mouth, and hugs him close,

LIFTING HIM OFF THE GROUND.

MADAME FROU FROU

(Snatcher’s voice)

Come to snitch on old Snatcher did

you?

As Madame Frou Frou carries him away, he waves to people in

the crowd as if nothing untoward was happening.

SIR BRODERICK:

Hello, Frou Frou!

MADAME FROU FROU

Nice to see you, too!

He/She shoves Eggs through a curtain into-

81.

INT. CHEESE GUILD - COAT ROOM - NIGHT

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