The Boy Downstairs

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1

[music playing]

[heavy breathing]

[sniffing]

[door opening]

Hey.

Hi.

Uh, what's going on?

I... I brought you your sweater

because I'm leaving tomorrow.

Thanks.

DIANA:
Hey, where are you?

GABBY:
Uh, I'm

buying toilet paper.

Are you here?

That was so quick.

Yeah, Gab, my flight

landed, like, two hours ago.

Where are you?

GABBY:
I'm close.

How was your flight?

Uh, yeah, it was OK.

I sort of sat next to

this guy with this,

like, severe peanut allergy.

So I spent the

entire flight trying

to convince myself

that, uh, my throat

couldn't spontaneously close.

- GABBY:
Really?

- Where are you?

I really have to pee.

I have to pee so bad.

Gab?

Gabby?

Oh, my God.

[laughter]

Sorry.

Seriously?

Oh, hey.

Hi.

Hi.

Thank you, dear.

Mm-hmm.

Um, so I've been

looking at apartments.

And, uh, they all look

like crime scenes.

So there's that.

I actually think

I have a friend

who's a real estate agent now.

Who?

You don't know her.

You... you have a

friend that I don't know?

Yeah, Meg Jones, she was my

study friend in art history.

Oh.

She's actually very funny.

Oh.

I don't have her number

anymore, but I could email her.

Yeah, yeah, that

would be great.

Why don't you email her?

And then you guys can hang out.

And then, you know,

because she's so funny,

you'll just become best friends.

And I'll, um, die alone.

D, she's old news.

You're my one and only.

You promise?

Wait.

But can you actually email her,

in all seriousness, because I...

I need to find an apartment?

Yeah, you got it.

Because I'm

basically homeless.

OK.

All right.

(SINGING) Maybe I can have

a ball and paint the town,

live it up for

laughs and call my...

I love it.

Oh, great.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

I think I want it in pink.

Oh, actually, we only make

the dresses in white or ivory.

I don't understand.

Um, we only make the

dresses in white or ivory.

Why not?

I thought they

were made to order.

Yes, they are

made to order, uh,

but we make the dress as is.

And then we can do

slight alterations,

like adding a modesty

panel or lowering the back.

But, um, the fabric is set in

order to maintain the integrity

of the designer's vision.

So you're telling me I

can add a modesty panel

and lower the back, but

I can't have it in pink?

Uh, ye... um, yes,

that's correct.

Well, I don't want a lower

back or a modesty panel.

I just want it in pink.

I feel like she's not

even listening to me.

WOMAN:
This is ridiculous.

She doesn't know what

she's talking about.

Can we have it in lavender?

Um...

Hi, Meg.

Hi.

It's Diana.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

Yeah, no problem.

Shall we?

Yeah, um, I just...

I'm never late.

But I'm on my lunch break.

I work in this bridal store.

And this bride spent, like, 10

minutes picking out this veil

that she didn't even buy.

So, um, I murdered her.

And, uh, then I came right here.

Fine.

OK.

MEG:
The bathroom and kitchen

were renovated six years ago,

but the style is consistent.

What do you think?

I mean, it's...

it's great.

Well, you can fill this out,

and I will give it to Amy.

She's a little picky about who

she lets into the building.

But if she's interested, I will

set up a meeting for you two.

Thank you.

Do you think it's an

issue that I'm on parole?

Sorry?

I was just...

sorry.

I just made a stupid joke

about being on parole, but...

[scoff]

Is there anything

else you'd like to see?

Uh, no, I think I'm good.

OK, well, thank

you for coming in.

Yeah, thank you

for having me in.

Yeah.

Thank you.

And then when I was 29,

I played a mobster's wife...

Thank you.

...in this little

play on Broadway.

And I met my husband,

Patrick, the director.

And long story short, we

took over this property

from his mom.

And at that point,

it was verging

on a retirement community.

I mean, we were the

youngest by 20 years.

So a few years ago, I

decided I didn't want a bunch

of old people in the building.

Mm, so you killed them?

I like to think

of it as euthanasia.

I don't know.

Just being the only old broad

here makes me feel young.

You are not old.

I am not getting any younger.

Neither am I. I mean, I

found a full-length gray hair

the other day, so I get it.

I saved it, if you

want to see it.

No, thank you.

That's OK.

OK.

So you're a writer?

Yeah, uh, yes, I'm trying.

I'm trying to be a writer.

I am... I work in a

bridal store, you

know, to actually make money.

You know, I was a

waitress for seven years

before I made any real

money as an actress.

I think it's the

nature of the beast.

That's very

reassuring to hear.

Are you acting in

anything right now?

No.

No, um, I... my husband

passed away a few years ago.

And, um, he passed

away a few years ago.

And so I am just busy taking

care of the building for now.

You do an amazing job.

It's... it's so beautiful.

Well, thank you.

You know what?

I like you, Diana.

The apartment is

yours if you want it.

I would love that.

I think we should hug.

Let's hug.

Yeah, yeah, OK.

[music playing]

Hi, Ben.

Hey.

Hi.

[laughter]

Um, you ready?

Yeah, yes, born

ready, uh, except

I think that it's

supposed to rain in a bit.

Oh, no, no, no, no, it...

it's going to be OK, yeah.

Oh?

I looked into it.

Well, great.

Yeah, internet.

Oh, I was going to ask you.

I knew a guy, but

internet, that makes sense.

I know a guy

named the Internet.

Here, if I turn, I'm

having a little trouble

with the directional, uh...

- I think you're doing great.

- Yeah?

Yeah.

I'm good.

It's just these... these

oars seem, like, really old.

Very old, very old

oars, terribly old.

- Um, this is good.

- Great.

Are you hungry?

Always.

This is, like, a real date, huh?

I mean, we're on a

boat in Prospect Park,

and your brought a picnic.

How am I doing?

You're doing all right.

This is, uh, our table.

Lovely, beautiful table.

Um, I... I should

probably warn you,

though, I am an

incredibly picky eater.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Uh, I saw you picking

olives and peppers

off your pizza at the party.

Oh, you, uh, saw that?

That's embarrassing.

Um, right, I hate olives and

peppers, which is why I was

removing them from my pizza.

Yeah, I know.

Uh, I figured.

Right.

This is a box full

of olives and peppers.

It's not.

Great, that's great.

You know, I really like you.

I really like you, too.

Do you want some more wine?

Yes, please.

OK.

OK.

[phone vibrating]

Hey, what's up?

Ben lives here.

GABBY (ON PHONE): Where?

Uh, in my building

downstairs, Ben lives in my,

uh, building downstairs.

What?

DIANA (ON PHONE): Yes,

yep, Ben Wineburger

lives in my building.

I just saw him.

Oh, my God, what did you say?

Yeah, I mean, like, I just

saw him through his window.

He didn't see me see him.

I just... you know, I just

saw him through his window.

So...

That's so crazy.

You know, Stephanie Jacobs

moved into her ex-boyfriend's

building in college.

And Daisy Debrell lived in the

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