The Boy Next Door Page #2

You're actually

going the opposite way.

Yeah.

All right,

we're gonna check out the alternator.

You're loosening it up

rather than tightening it.

How's that?

It's in there.

You wanna finish it off, Noah?

I'll just do it in there.

Okay.

Yeah, this one needs two...

Make sure it's

actually in there.

To the right?

Okay, I'm changing the subject.

Um, how long will your

uncle be in the hospital?

Um, I don't know.

It's all about

the transplant taking.

Well, until he's better,

you can come over for dinner here

anytime, okay?

I don't want you eating

by yourself. I mean it.

Thanks, but I don't

wanna impose.

Oh, I do.

Especially if she's making the guacamole.

You are not an imposition.

Are you saying I am?

Mmm.

Well, in that case,

I wouldn't mind

imposing on your

literature class.

Oh, no, dude,

you don't wanna do that.

They call her

"The Crusher."

Is that what they call me?

Yes.

Yeah.

You know what?

Carry your own plate.

Clean up all the dishes.

Now he's really

worried about it.

Strange kid.

Why?

Can't put my finger on it.

Don't try so hard.

Okay. He's interested

in literature?

In the classics.

Back in San Bernardino,

we were studying the Odyssey.

You want me to help

you out with that?

Sure. Here you go.

You know, I'm teaching

Homer next semester.

Really? He's my favorite.

You're kidding, right?

Second that.

Dude, you gotta read the Iliad.

Achilles is this total badass.

Hot-tempered, full of pride,

completely consumed

by his emotions.

You know what he

called Agamemnon?

Who?

"A pitiful excuse

for a king."

To his face.

He killed this guy, Hector.

But instead of hiding out

like a p*ssy, he...

Dragged his dead body around

for everybody to see.

Yes!

He stood by his actions, right or wrong.

Well, because to him

they were justified.

Do you have any idea

what they're talking about?

No.

No.

Homer's a genius, my man.

Just like Shakespeare,

Byron, Zeppelin, Dylan.

Ugh.

Poets.

Poets.

Poets.

I'll have him back Sunday afternoon!

Bye, Mom, I love you!

Oh, hey, Noah, come on in.

You know, Kevin already left.

Actually, I, uh, picked

something up for you.

Oh, my God,

this is a first edition?

I can't accept this,

this must have cost a fortune!

It was a buck at a garage sale.

One man's trash...

Noah, I can't.

Honestly...

Claire, please!

I've been eating here

every single night.

It would mean a lot to me.

Thank you.

- Those yours?

- Oh, no.

They were a gift from Vicky.

Good.

Why?

Those kind of shoes are for

women trying to be sexy.

You don't need to try.

I'm sorry,

I shouldn't have, uh...

No. No, it's okay.

Where are you?

Almost there.

Well, hurry up!

Vicky, I can't do this!

I haven't had a date

in 18 years,

I don't even know

what to do anymore!

Three things.

One, laugh a lot.

Two, take off your wedding ring.

Three, give him head.

What?

Kidding!

Just get here, pronto!

And the closer

I get to this car,

the smell is getting stronger and stronger.

And I walk up to

the guy's window,

rolls down the window,

I look and on

the passenger seat is

his dead dog!

You did not tell me that.

So, Ethan tells me you teach.

English, is it?

The classics.

Wow.

What does that mean?

Oh. No, he just

means as a compliment,

like, "Wow, you teach

the classics."

It's fancy.

I mean, I don't know

how many kids nowadays

are going to use

what they learn from classics.

No offense.

Oh, none taken.

I am a vice principal

and I just want to see

these kids employed.

Shall we order?

Silly me,

I just want them educated.

I'm fine with education,

but we gotta get them working.

Practical skills.

That's where the money is.

Ah! Money!

That's the goal, then.

Oh. Ethan,

how's your mom?

Gallstones.

- Oh, gallstones.

- Mm-hmm.

Are those the ones you pass?

Or are those the other stones?

Yeah, she's getting better.

You know, money's fine,

except when it's motivated by greed.

You're a little firecracker when

you get riled up, aren't you?

I think it stopped raining.

Firecracker?

Is that how you regard

women with an opinion?

Only when they

disagree with mine.

Pleasure to meet you, Benny.

No, Claire, stay, stay!

J. K. Rowling.

I'm sorry?

Billionaire.

Classics major.

She's a lot of laughs.

You gotta get to know her.

- Hello?

- Question.

I tried to defrost

a chicken in the microwave.

And some of it's kind of cooked,

some of it's kind of not.

Do you think it's still cool to

eat the cooked part?

No! Do not eat that!

Then, please, come over and bail me out.

Um...

Um... Uh...

Okay.

Perfect. Okay.

Yes.

See you soon.

Okay.

I mean, that date was awful.

Like that chicken.

I'm sorry I couldn't salvage

it more, but... You did fine.

The damage was done.

Yeah. I'm glad

I had you next door.

What?

God, you're beautiful.

You know that?

Oh, no, I'm...

Amazing.

And sweet, natural and sexy.

So sexy.

Noah!

Kiss me, Claire.

Just...

I can't.

Just once.

Please.

I have to go.

Tonight, in the window...

You were watching me.

I can't do this!

Noah!

I want to watch you now.

This can't happen.

We can't.

It's wrong!

It doesn't feel wrong, does it?

Wait.

It feels so...

Oh, my God, stop.

...nice.

Soft.

Please, please stop.

Noah, please!

Stop.

No judgments.

No rules.

Just us.

Oh, my God.

A woman like you

should be cherished.

Loved.

Let me love you, Claire.

You are perfect

in every way.

Oh, my God!

Hey! Where are you going?

Home.

I gotta get home.

No, you don't.

Kevin doesn't get home till later.

Have some coffee.

I can't. This...

Was incredible.

Hey, you're having second thoughts,

it's normal.

This isn't normal, okay?

Nothing about this is normal.

Where's my coat?

Would you just stop

for one minute?

Look, Noah,

I don't want you to think

that any of this

was your fault, okay?

I'm the adult,

I'm the one that should've known...

Stop, stop! Just stop!

What we did wasn't wrong.

No matter what you say,

it wasn't wrong!

I wasn't thinking clearly, okay?

I got swept up in the moment.

I was vulnerable

and you're very sweet.

No.

And it was flattering, but I...

No.

It was more than that.

God damn it!

Noah, look,

it wasn't more than that, okay.

I was feeling vulnerable.

How can you say that?

Last night was so perfect.

Because it's true.

And in time,

you're going to see it, too.

Just leave.

Are you okay?

Go!

Mom, we caught seven trout.

Wow!

Yeah, he was, uh,

pretty amazing.

Uh, Mom, can Dad

stay for dinner?

Um...

Please?

Dad?

Please?

Sure.

I saw this video on YouTube,

where this, just like, big,

you know, mountain dude

who lives all alone in

this old shack in Montana.

And he cooks all

his food on a shovel.

- No, you didn't.

- We did.

I mean, we wrap it up

in tinfoil first...

And eat off the shovel?

Yeah, well, the

foil-covered shovel.

It was a great meal.

It was delicious.

Yeah, it was, like,

one of the best meals I've ever had.

Oh! Thank you!

No. No offense, Mom.

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