The Break-Up

(CROWD CHEERING)

Come on, come on, come on.|All right, here we go.

MAN:
Take a seat, buddy!

Come on.|It was a good play.

Are you gonna be|like this all day?

I don't know. Is it gonna|be like this all day?

I don't know.|It's up to you.

I have no room to sit.|I got no room to sit.

I'm sitting next to|a guy who's sitting

like he's at home|on the toilet|with his legs spread.

Please don't crowd people.|Relax, please. Look at me.

I am relaxed.|Look how I'm sitting.

Why are you|sitting like that?|Because... What do you think?

Why'd you wake me up|for this sh*t?

Because I'm trying to relax|and have a nice day.

Sweating in the sun|like a Tijuana whore.

VENDOR:
Ice-cold soda!

Get your soda here!

VENDOR:
On the right.|Coming down there.|Pass that on down there.

Hey, hot dog guy,|can I get six hot dogs|down here, please?

Right away.|GARY: And make it right,|please.

You know, with the mustard|and the ketchup|and the relish.

Don't make me|hit you up for more.

I thought we were going|to Wiener Circle after this.

We will.|Then why are you|getting hot dogs?

Pass this down, please.|You can keep the change.

Do you want|one of the hot dogs?

GARY:
You can have a hot...|You want a hot dog?

Do you want a hot dog, miss?

No. Thank you.|You can have one.

That's okay.|Go ahead.|You can have a hot dog.

No, I don't want one.|Excuse me, sir?

Would you mind|passing the lady|one of the hot dogs?

I'm good, thanks.|You don't have to share.

You can have your own.|Thanks. That's really|nice of you.

Just have one, please.|Okay, give me a hot dog.

Somebody give her a hot dog.|I got... The big guy can't|eat all of them. Have one.

Have you ever had one before?|A hot dog?

At the ballpark?|I have. I believe I have.

Okay, good.|Thank you.

Well, enjoy this one.|Thanks.

Do you like mustard?|No, I'm okay.

It's much better|with a topping. Here.

I'm just kidding,|I'll give you two.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Cheers!|Thanks.

We'll share it.

It's a good dog.|I like the hot dog. I know.

That's nice.

You have a problem|with me eating a hot dog,|guy?

I'm trying to watch the game|and have a hot dog.

I'll smack him|in his head.|No, just leave him alone.

Hey, you want|to go get a drink?|No.

I'm with somebody, sorry.

Who? The guy with|the tucked-in shirt|and the visor?

What, is that like a brother?|The guy was not|your brother, then.

Who is this guy?|He's not my brother.

Who's this...|I'm getting mad now.|I'm jealous. Who is this guy?

Who are you?|I don't know.|I'm kidding with you.

Who's the guy with|the tucked-in stuff?|Is that a boyfriend?

Uh, it's...

I'm going.|Do you think|you'll marry him?

What?|'Cause I know|you've thought about it.

The first time|you laid eyes on him,|you probably thought,

"I wonder if I could marry|this guy in plaid shorts who|tucks his shirt in. No way."

Then when you kissed him,|you said, "I can't believe it.

"I had a lot to drink|tonight. I'm kissing|the tucked-in guy."

My point is, if you're|not gonna marry him...|Yeah.

...and if it's not forever,

then you really don't have|anything to lose in|taking me up on my offer.

Uh-huh. Well, I'm gonna go.|Okay. Me, too.

Okay.|To where? On an|ice-breaking first date?

Well, no, I don't think...|Listen.

If you want to stay|off the market|while you're with

I'm-not-the-one-|but-I'm-comfortable,|then you can do that.

But for all you know,|I just offered you

a get-out-of-bored-Iove-|for-free card|with no strings attached.

God, you're crazy.|No, I'm not crazy.

And a lot of times people go,|"Oh, that's crazy,"

and then they go,|"It's genius."

That's what happened|when the person invented fire.

They burned that witch.|And guess what, then they got|warm and they ate good stuff.

Now, where are we headed to?|Let's not make this weird,

'cause I'm not good on dates.|No. You know what?

I'm better just to kind of|hang out and,|if we don't have fun,

I might go my separate way.|Okay.

I'm not committing|to anything. I'll go hang out|with you for a little bit.

That's not gonna happen.|But I can't say for sure.

(YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND|PLAYING)

GARY:
All right, all right,|everybody. Welcome to|Three Brothers Bus Tours.

I'm brother number two.|It's good to have you here.

That's right, there's plenty|of seats here up front.

I promise I won't bite.|I'm not a biter.|I'm psyched to have you here.

Okay, a couple quick|ground rules. Please|don't jump off the bus.

Weird. Not fun for anybody.

Also, no throwing objects|at pedestrians,

unless, of course,|they deserve it. Okay?

We are not at work today.|We are on vacation today.

And if you can't blow it|out here on the big funny bus,

where the hell can you?

I do split the tips|with my driver, Shondra.

We don't want her back out|turning tricks.

That was a weird time|for everyone.|Seriously. Honest to God.

And I was a customer.|Long time ago.

Come on, everybody,|let's get loose!

I'm gonna ask you once.|Show me that you mean it.

Don't make me ask you twice.|Are you ready to see Chicago?

Are you ready to see Chicago?

That's what I'm talking about.|Shondra, put this baby|in the air.

Let's get the blood flowing.|Let's get everyone up|and let's loosen it up.

Coming up here,|you're gonna notice

one of the only buildings|to survive the fire of 1871.

That is the original|Chicago Water Tower|and Pumping Station.

(PHONE RINGING)

CHRISTOPHER:
Happy Holidays.|Marilyn Dean Gallery.

The artist was inspired|by the neoclassical movement.

CHRISTOPHER:
No, she doesn't.

But wanted to reflect it|with an abstract bent.

CHRISTOPHER:
Okay, bye-bye.

And how much is it?|$35,000.

Happy Holidays.|Marilyn Dean Gallery.|Hold, please.

Will you excuse me|for a moment?|Sure. Go ahead.

Christopher?|Yes, sweetie.

Hi, honey.|Hi.

Christmas was months ago.|Don't remind me.|I miss it so much.

Yeah, I know.|But today is not a holiday.

I know for a fact|that people like|my spirit on the phone

and they dig the energy|that I give them.

Okay. I'm just saying,|I don't think Marilyn Dean|will "dig" the energy.

Oh, no.|She's the one that told me|to be creative. So...

I know. It's just... Okay.|What is the next holiday|coming?

The Fourth of July,|is that what's next?

Well, if you want|to get technical,|there's Memorial Day,

there's Flag Day.

Some people recognize|Father's Day as a holiday.|I don't.

I get it. I get it.|Well, on those days|you can say, "Happy Holidays."

Every other day,|"Good morning, good afternoon,

"good evening,|Marilyn Dean Gallery."|Okay?

Okay.

I'm so sorry about that.|Oh, no.

So, now this is a new piece|by Zakrzewska.

What do you think of this?

Can I be honest with you?|Please.

Other than taking|an art history class|in college,

which I pretty much|slept through, I don't have|the first clue about art

or how to go about buying it.|I mean, like that painting.

I mean, I don't see the point|in buying something that|I could have done myself.

Yeah. I completely agree|with you.

You know, an art teacher|of mine once said,

"Never buy a piece of art|that you don't have to have."

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