The Brothers Page #2

Look, Brian, you and I,

we have never liked each other.

Okay, that's cool.

But understand this. I will

not take any sh*t off of you.

I'm at the gun range twice a week,

and I'm licensed to correct a nigga.

Come on, now, baby.

I'm going to the ladies' room.

- Did she take my drink?

- You dis my girl in front of me?

Yo, Terry, I'm sorry. I was shocked.

Me too, that you didn't get

your ass whipped.

Terry, you said you'd get married

two minutes before you dropped dead.

Yeah, but that was

a long time ago, man.

I have changed.

I'll be 29 years old. I think

it's about time I settle down.

Twenty-nine's not old, though.

No, but how long are

you supposed to wait?

Wait, I thought that's what we wanted.

You know, love, happiness.

Look, Al Green, love and happiness is

one thing, but this is marriage.

Marriage is not something

you jump into, Terry.

Eighty. I mean, you know,

you're wearing a diaper...

Jack, man, you are not old.

Will you shut your old ass up?

Two months isn't enough time

to know if the booty's right.

Stop this nonsense.

Is this, "piss on Terry" night?

Terry, look, we're your friends.

We just want what's best for you.

Check this out. BeBe is a good woman.

I love this girl.

- I'm sorry, but, man...

- She does her own thing.

She makes good money

at the phone company.

- She's got a job.

- At least, she's got a job.

- She's fine as hell.

- Hey.

Ain't nobody said anything about that.

Thank you. Sh*t!

T, you're my boy. I'm happy for you.

Congratulations.

That's right. Thank you.

Hey, me too.

Best of luck, baby boy.

I appreciate that.

Yo, Terry. You know this is f***ed up,

right? But you're my man.

Congratulations.

Congratulations, man.

I don't know why, but I'll accept that.

Now, I see the champagne has arrived.

We do need to be drinking it.

I got the toast.

To our boy, Terry, here.

And his beautiful girl, wearing

the hell out of that red dress.

And may they have love, happiness,

and all that other sh*t.

All right!

Dr. Smith?

- Dr. Smith?

- Hey.

- How you doing?

- I went down the slide by myself.

Do you want a lollipop?

- Is she better?

- She's much better.

- How've you been?

- I've been all right.

I was just wondering if maybe...

Don't stand there.

Do something.

That's good.

That's perfect.

I like that.

- Jackson Smith. How you doing?

- I'm Denise.

Do I have potential or what?

You know that little girl?

Yeah, she's one of my patients.

I'm a doctor.

Why do you say it like that?

Like, "I'm a doctor."

Like I'm Zeus, king of the gods.

- No, I didn't mean it that way.

- No, I know you didn't.

I'm a freelance photographer,

but I guess you could see that.

An artist?

I like that.

What does your boyfriend think

about that?

That's smooth.

But I don't have a boyfriend,

and I'm not looking for one.

Good. Because I don't

have a girlfriend.

And I'm not looking for one.

Good.

Oh, my God. Girl, you are gonna wear

me out. Don't you ever get tired?

Nope.

I shouldn't even be doing this until

after we're married. I'm a good girl.

Okay, "good girl," that's real cute

and everything but trust me...

...if you weren't,

we might not get married.

- Shut up!

- I'm keeping it real.

- I got needs.

- Yeah, needs.

You know Daddy's just playing with you.

We need to get those

invitations out soon.

And my parents are flying

in a few weeks before.

- And the wedding planner, he's...

- Hey, hey, hey. Will you hush?

Can we stay in the moment?

I know all of that.

Who got this party started?

Girl, I cannot wait

to make you Mrs. Terry White.

Hey, whoa. Okay, now wait a minute.

You promised me that gun

would never be here.

I know. I'm sorry, baby.

I forgot to take it back.

- You know I hate that damn thing.

- I know. Don't be mad.

- I got something to make it up to you.

- Oh, yeah, what you got?

As much as I'd like to,

unless you got some Viagra...

...Mr. Chubby needs a few minutes.

- He doesn't.

- Why not?

- I got skills.

Hey. Come on. Oh, okay.

Hey, girl, we gotta get

Janel some new books.

I got Dr. Seuss coming out of my ass.

I know, she does the same thing to me.

I suppose Terry's having a bachelor

party with lots of naked hos.

Yes, he is. You know,

I never thought Terry would fall.

He's got me feeling

like an old married man.

All this excitement over Terry

is a bunch of trouble for nothing.

First of all, he is not

the husband type.

He and that Brian have bed-hopped

ever since we've known them.

Terry ain't sh*t.

He's gonna give that up? Please!

A crackhead has a better chance

in a weightlifting contest.

You are funny. Boy, that was

a good one. Crackhead, weights.

You crack me up.

- It sounds like the coast is clear.

- Yeah.

You go on, express yourself.

Let me get that for you.

- Oh, no! No!

- No?! No!

- Baby, what is wrong now?

- I'm just not ready.

You're not ready?! You promised!

But, but I've been thinking,

and I just can't do it right now.

Sheila, come on, now. We've been

married for three long years.

- I know, but...

- But what?

- It's nasty.

- What the...?!

Hell, I'm all calmed down.

Come on, now. Come here.

Yes, I know.

You're all tense.

Lookit, relax. Relax.

Relax your jaws too. Relax.

Yes, yes. You see?

Speak into the mike. That's good.

See? See?

- Oh, no!

- No? Damn it!

You got me hard as Chinese arithmetic

in here and you bullshitting me.

Derrick, why did you come in here?

Why are you drinking now?

I am a grown man, and I cannot

get head from my wife!

Why don't you just go tell

our daughter?

Look, Sheila,

we have talked about this.

We went to the counsellor.

You said you were ready.

I know, but I was eating

a banana earlier today...

...and I gagged on it.

Don't gag on my banana,

and we can get going.

Derrick, honey, I can't.

- I do it to you.

- I don't ask you to.

You do not stop me either.

Okay, well, fine, you don't have

to do it anymore.

That's the difference between us.

I don't mind doing it.

I even like it.

So, if I had a dick,

would you suck it?

What kind of question is that?

You ain't no man.

Just answer the question.

If I had a dick, would you suck it?

Yes, I would, wearing a Viking hat

and a Little League chest protector!

- Derrick, baby!

- I paid my dues.

Baby, Derrick, Derrick.

All my life I was taught that

good girls just don't do that.

My mother told me that

if I did that, I would get cancer.

I am dealing with some serious

psychological barriers here.

Your mama sucked so much dick,

she walks around on her knees.

- My mother is a saint!

- She must be Saint Suck-a-Dick.

- Your mama is senile.

- See, my mama got an excuse.

Your mama's f***ed up for no reason.

- You hit me with that again...

- You gonna hit me?

Go ahead, beat me, lke, beat me!

I'm gonna watch TV. I don't want

to talk about this.

Have a banana. Get freaky

with a peach for all I care.

Derrick, we have a daughter.

Will you advise her to go down

on her boyfriend?

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