The Brothers Grimm Page #2

and he'll turn into a prince.

(Will) Stop it, Jake.

Stop it. You're drunk.

Shut up.

Hello. Bonsoir.

Something full-blooded.

Perhaps a gorgeous

Chteauneuf-du-Pape.

Come on. 1792.

A very good year.

- (band plays "La Marseillaise")

- (Will) Vive la rvolution.

On the house.

Oh, no. Don't be too hasty, my friend.

Better to let something like that breathe.

That's the weak piss

Hans brews in the basement.

Nice one. Nice one. So... Ow!

Well, the music seems

to have turned horribly French.

Shall we continue

our little philosophical discussion upstairs?

What do you say, Jake?

A little chit, a little chat.

A little huff, a little puff,

thank you very much, Will.

There he goes.

Mythical damsels and princesses

are all he's really concerned with.

Very well, then. Magic awaits.

I know, we can play my favorite game.

It's called Who's the Fairest of Them All?

Beans, Jake. Beans.

Beans!

Ah, you're an idiot!

Wait for me, now, ladies.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

(mumbling) Beans.

Will, they're magic beans.

No, they're magic beans, Will.

And the giants will crush you

and rip out your heart.

(screaming)

Shh!

Gute Nacht. Herr Grimm.

(screaming)

Grimm!

Ik, ik, ak, ek, ek.

- What's going on?

- How can you speak in this language?

Every word is like an execution.

(inhales)

Benne. Benne.

Your horses are ready.

Avanti!

(sleepily) You've got a rope

tied around your foot.

Ciao.

- Run!

- Will! Will, wait!

- Never fear, Jake.

- (Jake) Will!

Will!

I shall return for you.

Nice try.

Hey, hey! Heagh!

Signore, with bounteous pleasure,

I, Mercurio Cavaldi, present to you

the renowned, the legendary,

the General Vavarin Delatombe,

the military commander of the kingdom

of Westphalia, formerly known as...

- No, no, no.

... Hesse.

Exactly what am I enduring here?

Can someone please tell me

who gave birth to this?

It's Bavarian blood sausage,

with sauerkraut.

I gutted the pig myself.

- I bet you did.

- (Cavaldi) Grimmy,

you are to have to stand trial

for subterfuge, theft,

and buggery.

I'm sorry?

For which the minimum sentence is...

- Death.

- (Will) Oh, no, no. Hang on.

- That's absolutely unnecessary.

- There's been a mistake here.

(both talk at once)

These country people, they believe things.

We do this just to test them for science.

(belches)

- Stop. Stop it.

- Ow.

No, no, no.

Are those... snails?

- Snails.

- Your friends have told us everything.

Everything except one thing.

Where are the children of Marbaden?

- What children?

- Nine cute little bambini gone! Vanished.

- We've never been to Marbaden.

- No.

Open up the cauldron.

- No, no. Wait, no!

- Wait, wait!

- I haven't done anything. Please.

- Please!

- (Will) By my honor I swear. I swear!

- We didn't do it!

Of course you didn't.

We have been observing you

for some time.

Cavaldi, stop.

Huh?

- Please.

- (groans)

No, he said stop it!

However, someone in Marbaden

is working as you.

Same talents, same tricks.

It is a thorn in my toe.

You pull it out,

I might be persuaded to offer you amnesty.

So you mean, if we work for you...

- That's right, Jacob.

... French?

Bien sr.

Go to Marbaden.

Unmask these villains.

Find the missing children.

(raven caws)

Hans, we have to stay

where we can still see the village.

Not if we're going to find the missing girls.

We're going too far.

Greta, nothing has ever happened

to anyone in daytime.

And in the very middle of the wood

was the witch's gingerbread house.

(owl hoots)

Hans!

(raven caws)

(gasps)

Hey! Come back!

(giggles)

Got ya!

Greta! Greta!

(giggles)

(man hums lullaby)

(ax is drawn)

(screams)

# Rock-a-bye Grimmies on the treetop

# When the wind blows the cradle will rock

(laughter)

# When the bough breaks

the cradle will fall

Lieutenant, keep your eyes open.

Sergeant, they are mine.

You go and sell

your oil of snake, Grimmy.

(Will) Good people of M... Agh!

It was a long trip.

People of Marbaden.

Hello. Anyone there?

Anybody there?

Say, brother.

Why don't you have a look round? Make

sure there's no French soldiers anywhere.

We wouldn't want to run into any French...

Oh. Hey, morning. Hello.

Will, there's a...

Ah. Morning.

- What..?

- Hello.

Who are you?

- Allow me.

- Uh...

Grimm is the name. Two ms.

We are the Brothers Grimm.

- They don't know who we are.

- (man) Stand aside, Gregor.

I'll deal with this.

What's your business?

We're here to save your land

from evil enchantments.

(laughter)

Too late.

The old ways have returned.

You handle it, Jake.

Uh...

Well, we're from Kassel, near Frankfurt.

- We've heard about your missing children.

- Food for trolls.

Hold your tongue, you old witch,

or you'll get another ducking.

(child) Papa, Papa!

They can help us.

(man) Stay back.

It's all right. They're the Brothers Grimm.

People talk about them in Malsburg.

Right you are, son.

The famous Brothers Grimm.

Look at this strapping young lad.

"He" is my daughter.

And a fine wife he'll make some lucky man.

- They kill trolls and giants, Papa.

- That's right. Of course we do, darling.

Jake, me...

the team.

Team Grimm at your service.

We were trying to find

and rescue the others.

Greta was afraid. She thought there really

was a witch in the gingerbread house.

Then birds stole our trail of crumbs. (sniffs)

It was a trap.

The forest made it.

Yes. Yes, it took my daughter too.

- Mine too.

- And mine.

- Ten girls are missing.

- Trees themselves set upon her.

Up and snatched her away.

Just left her little riding cape.

Like a wolf.

And when my daughter ran, it took flight.

Do you understand?

It flew!

Flying beast.

Rope pulley. Snap boards.

Fishing line. Wolf pelt. It's expensive.

(woman) Our people always knew

that the forest was enchanted.

But it's never turned against us.

- Until now.

- Until the French occupation.

(all shout in agreement)

(woman) And it's all

the fault of the French!

Silenzio!

Good citizens,

you have nothing further to fear.

The Brothers Grimm are with you now.

Your salvation is at hand.

Now, we need a guide.

Someone who knows the forest.

(mumbling)

- There is one.

- Who?

- Who?

- Who?

- The trapper.

- The cursed one.

(spitting)

(spit hits pot)

Perfect.

Excuse me, Herr Krauss?

Um...

Hello, there. We've come

to help find the missing children.

We'll only need a few hours of your time.

Oh.

Sorry. Is your father here?

Husband?

Is there a man of any..?

Cursed.

Miss Krauss, perhaps you don't realize

who we are. We're the Brothers Grimm.

We vanquished the mill witch of Karlstadt,

the frog boy of Glutenhof,

and the cannibal chef of the Schwarzwald

in the gingerbread house of terror.

Miss, we need a guide, someone

who knows the paths through the forest.

(retches)

We'll pay you money.

Well, beads and... pretty shiny things

from the big city.

Oh...

Miss, we believe your village

may be under some kind of curse.

Think I care about the village?

(shouts)

(the brothers scream)

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