The Brothers Solomon

Okay. How do we start?

- A picture would be good.

- Right.

But we should use one

where we're smiling.

Nice.

"Two male brothers... "

Male? That's implied through

the word "brothers. "

I know, I just think that we should be

ultra-clear on this.

About ourselves.

What's there to tell?

Describe ourselves.

- What's the word?

- Duper?

That's it.

Okay, what's the most

we could hope for?

Oh, I got this one.

- Awesome.

- This is gonna be great.

- Can I write a check?

- You're already taken care of.

"Taken care of"? By who?

I watched you at work in here.

I must say I am more than impressed.

John.

Thank you very much,

but I really can't accept this.

Can't accept what?

Your own groceries?

These are yours. I don't own them.

All I own is the opportunity...

...to come in contact with such

a well-rounded and fun person.

- Should we go to your car?

- No. Thank you.

I don't mean to be rude,

but I bought your groceries.

If you don't leave me alone...

...I'll call security

and they'll kick you out.

You're fighting an uphill battle.

I'm a taxpayer, therefore I can

stand wherever I want.

Taxpayers can stand

where they want.

- Security!

- Security!

You can't block the door.

I don't care how much tax you pay.

Okay, you can do this.

Don't think about past defeats.

Gotta impress her parents,

gotta make a good impression.

Hi, Dean.

I'm so relieved,

you look just like your picture.

Thank you. It's nice to meet you.

That's so sweet.

I want you to meet my dad. Come on.

It's nice to meet you, sir.

Well, I followed your advice

to the letter...

...and everything seemed

to be going great.

But then when I went in

for the kiss...

...he got very standoffish, very cold.

I'm sorry.

Do you think I did

something wrong?

By expressing the greatest respect

you can show a woman's father?

- That can never be wrong.

- Yeah.

So did you go to the store?

Yup. Spent like 200 bucks.

Get any numbers?

No. But I did manage

to get thrown in store jail.

What?

Yeah. Apparently, in the store's eyes,

I was annoying the customers.

Did they know you're current

on your taxes?

- They knew.

- And they still locked you up?

Well, I guess I don't understand

the dating scene.

I know.

It really is a mystery to me.

But you know what?

We've got nothing to be sorry about.

I did the best job I could

at being me today, and so did you.

I love learning from you.

And I love teaching you.

First message, sent today at 1743.

I switched it to military time.

That's great.

This is Dr. Mettler from

the Arctic Ice Data Bank...

...calling again about

those core-sample reports.

I'm on it.

About 10 degrees.

Second message,

sent today at 1143.

Hey, this is Jim

from Movie Time Video.

I'm just calling to remind you...

...that you still owe us $23

in late charges for Ulee's Gold.

Great, now the video store

is pissed.

Third message, sent today at 2043.

"2043." I love it.

Yeah, it's like space time.

Dean, John, this is your father.

I'm down at

Ajax Community Hospital.

I was feeling sick

so I came in for a few tests...

...and I'm afraid I have

some bad news.

Devastating news, actually.

I just want you boys to know

how much I love you...

...and how proud I am of you both.

Please come as soon

as you possibly can.

Oh, my God.

We just found out our father's dealing

with medical issues, possibly dying...

...so we need to dispute this

late charge quickly. Do you mind if...?

- Go ahead.

- Great.

Have a movie time.

We got a call about late charges for

Ulee's Gold but we paid them already.

What's your last name?

We don't have time for this! Our fa...

Solomon. Solomon!

- Says you're paid. Don't worry about it.

- Great! Thank you.

In fact...

...it says you have credit for a movie.

If you like movies.

You can't park that here.

Dad.

Oh, Dad.

He seemed to be doing fine...

...and then, like 10 minutes ago,

he lapsed into the coma.

Well, not even 10 minutes.

More like seven.

Or even six.

We got here as soon as we could.

- It's not good.

- His coma?

No, his coma's fine.

It's a strong coma.

That's not surprising.

Dad does everything all the way.

He's amazing.

He can take even the most negative

thing and turn it into a positive.

He's definitely looking at this situation

right now as being half alive.

Yes, he seemed very upbeat

for a man slipping into a coma.

He told me how very proud he was

of both of you...

...of his work for the government...

...of the story of meeting your mother,

and of her tragic death.

He told you all that?

He spoke very fast. Remarkable man,

with very few regrets.

"Few regrets"?

Try no regrets.

No, he said something about

how he wished he could live...

...to see his first grandchild, or...

I forget how he said it.

You know, if you'd been here, like,

five, even four minutes earlier...

We're very aware of the time line.

Hi, Dad.

Looking good.

Looking real good.

It's too bad there aren't, like,

coma pageants.

Right, John?

- John?

- Sorry.

I was thinking about

what Dr. Wong said.

John, Dad would've wanted us

to dispute that late charge.

No, not about the late charge.

About the grandchild thing.

Look, it's not an exact science...

...but sometimes people hang on...

...if they have a milestone

to look forward to.

Milestone?

Yes. Like an anniversary,

or a birthday, or a...

Or a baby being made for you?

Well, maybe.

Wait. How are we supposed to

make a baby?

I mean, we don't have the best of luck

with women, John.

Dean, I know that.

But before, we were trying

to enter women for ourselves.

This time,

we'd be entering women for Dad.

Hands in.

"Make a baby for Dad" on three.

One, two, three.

Make a baby for Dad!

You have got a nice face.

Thank you.

- Sure makes up for that body.

- What?

No. No, no, no.

I'm saying that your face...

...it makes up for your body.

Thank you.

Hey, you've got something right...

Right... No. You know what?

Chicken.

I gotta be honest, Erica.

I'm really feeling a connection here.

I mean, you're beautiful,

impeccable dresser...

...great personality, nice hair, fat,

great smile, smell good...

Have you ever heard of the phrase

"More cushion for the pushin"'?

Yeah, why?

Because you got it, lady.

Here, lift up your napkin for a sec.

Yep, you've got it.

There it is. There it is.

Are you ovulating right now?

This is our first date

and that's none of your business.

I'm about to make it my business.

Michelle.

Make me the happiest man

in the world...

...and marry me.

Are you joking?

I know. Isn't it great?

No.

What do you say we get out of here,

and I go put a baby in you?

Well, I don't...

No strings attached.

You have no idea how long I've been

wanting to have a baby like this.

I mean, this is like

a dream come true.

For me too.

A no-strings-attached situation

in which I can carry a baby to term...

...have it and then give it

to two wonderful people.

- It's great.

- Awesome!

You know what? I'm gonna deliver

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