The Brothers Solomon Page #2

this baby to you on a silver platter.

One hundred percent...

So she got hit by a bus, huh?

Poor girl.

Yeah, the bus took

a pretty serious hit too.

I mean, she was a large girl.

Comfortably in the 200s.

Oh, my God. Sounds horrible.

Yeah.

So how was your date?

Well...

...wasn't exactly an A-plus.

More like an A.

But don't worry.

I'm not giving up just yet.

Still a lot more fight

left in this old bulldog.

God, this thing is gonna be

harder than we thought.

Come on, Dean.

Don't think like that.

I mean, yeah, we're gonna have to

make some sacrifices.

But think about all the sacrifices

that Dad made for us.

Remember that Christmas

Mom died?

Dad told us we could have

anything we wanted.

Where does Santa live?

He lives at the North Pole.

I wanna live at the North Pole.

Me too.

And what did Dad do?

He took us to the North Pole

and raised us there.

And when we were teenagers

and needed a date for prom?

Dad went out searching for the most

beautiful women within 100 miles.

He almost died.

But the women he found!

Beautiful.

Oh, Qiqirn.

The times we had.

John, I am completely

back on board.

I can't believe I ever thought

of giving up.

Dean, don't be so hard on yourself.

- You just said "hard on. "

- I know.

Dr. Wong called and said

we should start looking...

...for long-term-care facilities

for Dad.

I guess the hospital kicks him out

after a certain point.

Really? Well, I wouldn't

worry about it.

Because while you were telling me

that, I found the perfect place.

Really? Where?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

- Hi. Delivery for John Solomon.

- He's not here right now.

- Sign here.

- Okay.

Thank you.

Bring it on in.

All right, this thing here

is a dialysis machine.

That's for the... The kidneys.

These are defibrillator paddles.

If the EKG shows a flatline, rub them

together, put them on the chest and:

Heart should get going again.

There's more to know about that.

Probably take a class or something.

That's coagulants

and anti-coagulants.

This is a blue thing.

The ventilator, oxy tank

and a couple intubation trays.

Have your nurse hook those up.

You have a nurse, right?

Yeah. Okay.

Hold the elevator, please!

Visiting someone on seven?

No.

Check it out?

Stroll it.

No, I live there.

You do not. You absolutely do not.

Where on seven?

- 704.

- What?

I am 703.

You ever like to go out for drinks?

Unwind after a long day?

- No.

- Nor do I.

Dad's here!

Yeah, thanks for telling me.

I wanted you to be surprised.

Well, I was surprised.

By how you once again made

the best possible decision.

This is great.

I thought he'd be better off here

than some medical shithole.

So much better off.

And because of a factory recall,

I got a great price on the machines.

Yeah, there might be some flaws in

some of these, only time's gonna tell...

...but flaws equal savings.

Everywhere you look, a positive.

Plus, I got a ton of medical books

highly recommended by Dr. Wang.

- You mean Dr. Wong.

- Dr. Wang.

This dentist I met at Barnes & Noble.

Really knows his sh*t.

Oh, God. I have some really exciting

news to tell you about.

What? What?

Okay, okay. I just met the most...

Is there any way to turn

Dad's machines down?

I tried earlier but there doesn't seem

to be a volume switch on them.

At least that I can find.

All right, it's just very distracting.

Yeah.

I just met the most gorgeous woman

I've ever seen. Guess where she lives.

- 704.

- 704? Oh, my God.

You gotta see her.

She is amazing.

Tall, super-skinny,

infectious spirit. She...

Crap. You get the circuit breaker,

I'll revive Dad.

Okay. Here I go.

Clear!

- Did you get him?

- I got him. He's back.

Nice job.

I guess we were using

too much power.

Maybe we should turn off

some lights.

All right. Yeah. That'll be good.

Do you think it's safe

to turn the TV back on?

I think it's safe.

See, with all these lights off,

I think you're totally fine. You can do...

Sh*t balls!

I'll be right there.

Okey-dokey.

Hi.

Ken, hi.

Hi. Can I help you?

John.

Of the elevator and 703 fame.

Just wanted to invite you to a lit...

Sorry, if you can just...

Invite you to a little

romantic hallway dinner.

We already have dinner plans.

Well, you know what? I do this

all the time, so I'll get you next time.

We should go.

I'm starving.

You guys look really nice.

Who wants bubbly?

- Enjoy your dinner, sport.

- Already am.

You guys want some?

Excuse me.

Champagne does it to me.

I think we maybe need to

broaden our search to include...

...less conventional methods

of having a baby.

Like anal?

Well, I was thinking more along

the lines of adoption.

But isn't adoption kind of cheating?

Look, we just gotta step it up, and that

means exploring every possibility.

Yeah.

You do realize that adoption is

a huge commitment.

We're ready.

So are you married

or just a long-term couple?

We're not gay. We're brothers.

So which of you will have custody?

We're gonna tag-team.

I'm afraid that's not an option.

Unless you're married, one of you

needs to have full legal custody.

Well, in that case,

I guess it'll have to be Dean.

Burn.

Can we have a moment, please?

- Thanks a lot.

- You're welcome.

No, I was being facetious.

I do not want this responsibility.

You would be better at this

than me.

What? I'm gonna be

a horrible father.

- You're not.

- Much worse than you.

Well, I mean, what if we get this kid

and it just sucks?

We return it.

- You can do that?

- Of course.

- Why don't you just do it?

- I have bad credit.

Two questions for you.

One:
What is your return policy?

Two:
Will bad credit

f*** our chances to adopt?

There's no return policy.

And, yes, your financial situation is

of paramount importance.

Do you have any pictures of the kids?

Something that we can...?

Dean, how about that little guy?

No frigging way.

Under no circumstances.

He's got, like,

Bell's palsy or something.

That's my son.

I'm sorry.

Bell's palsy is the clinical term,

though, right?

He's clowning for the camera.

God's special little clown.

Get out.

- You look like the real deal.

- Thank you.

Wasn't a compliment.

Why'd you get that thing, anyway?

I don't know. I saw it on Craigslist

and I thought, "What the hell?"

- What's Craigslist?

- It's great.

It's this website that's

got everything:

Jobs, pets, cars, ice-dancing suits.

I mean, you can find anything there.

- Anything?

- Anything.

- Anything?

- Anything.

"Two brothers looking

to have baby.

Thank you. "

Okay. It's a little bare bones,

but if you like it, I can get behind it.

"Thank you. "

Send.

All right, so what do we do now?

Now we just sit here and wait.

I almost forgot. This suit does

something a little unexpected.

Check this out.

All ri...

Nice doggy.

Hold the elevator!

We have gotta stop

meeting like this.

People are gonna start to talk.

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