The Browning Version Page #2

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Yes, but who else pays any attention

to it except the Crock?

Except Mr. Crocker-Harris.

Except Mr. Crocker-Harris.

Do you, sir?

Taplow, you leave this room

with your life, and that is all. Good-bye.

- [ Laughter ]

- Good-bye, sir.

And now, gentlemen,

despite the interruption by the small boy...

we shall continue

with the experiment...

using precisely the same proportions

as I used before.

[ Boy ] He'll recover in the holidays,

and he'll be back again next term, sure as fate.

- They'll give him penicillin.

- Wonder what's the matter with him.

- Stomach ulcers?

- Heart.

- How do you know?

- I go to his home for extra work.

- I've seen the medicines.

- [ Laughs ]

- What's so funny?

- The idea of the Crock having a heart at all.

- I see what you mean.

- I say, do you think he's dying?

Heart trouble is

nearly always fatal, isn't it?

I mean, in plays and films,

people are always saying...

''The old ticker's

a bit dicky, you know.''

They always die in the end.

I say, supposing he dies in the class...

right in front of us.

You sadistic little brute.

What's sadistic?

- Well, the Crock is.

- I don't agree.

He's not like Makepeace or Sanders.

They get a kick

out of twisting ears, et cetera.

I don't think the Crock

gets a kick out of anything.

In fact, I don't think

he has any feelings at all.

He's just dead, that's all.

That is a physiological

and psychological impossibility.

All right. Then the Crock's different.

He can't hate people,

and he can't like people.

And what's more,

he doesn't like people to like him.

- He doesn't have to worry much about that.

- Oh, I don't know.

If he'd give me the chance,

I think I'd quite like him.

What?

I'd feel sorry for him, which is

more or less the same thing, isn't it?

Sorry? Sorry for the Crock?

[ Door Opens ]

- Wilson.

- Sir?

You were late

for chapel this morning.

I have therefore

submitted your name as an absentee.

I wasn't really late, sir.

Only a few seconds, sir.

I was in the library,

and you can't hear the bell.

You will no doubt recount those excuses

to your housemaster, Wilson.

I fear I am not interested in them.

These are your Latin verses.

Only one boy's version --

Bryant's--had any merit...

and that somewhat doubtful.

The rest were mainly abominable.

One boy-- Mason --

produced the most melancholy

dissonance...

that I have experienced

in all my 1 8 years with this class.

It seems to me that the best way

of employing the period...

would be for you all

to attempt the verses again.

- The passage for translation, if you remember--

- [ Distant Laughter ]

The passage for translation...

is the first three stanzas

ofTennyson's ''The Lady of Shalott''...

which you will find on page 821 ...

of your Oxford Book of English Verse.

[ Distant Chattering ]

And if,in the throes of composition...

you should find the disturbance

from the science upper fifth distracting...

you may, as good classicists...

console yourself with the thought that --

to amend an aphorism --

Scientia est celare scientiam.

[ Chuckles ]

Taplow.

Sir?

You laughed

at my little epigram, I noticed.

Yes, sir.

I must confess I am flattered

at the evident advance your Latin has made...

that you should so readily have understood

what the rest of the class did not.

Perhaps now you will be

good enough to explain it to them...

so that they, too,

may share your pleasure.

I --

Come along, Taplow. Do not be

so selfish as to keep a good joke to yourself.

Tell the others.

I didn't hear it properly, sir.

You didn't hear it?

They why, may I ask,

did you laugh?

Why did you laugh

at what you did not hear?

Politeness, sir.

Toujours la politesse.

I am touched, Taplow.

May I go back to my seat now, sir?

You may.

- And Taplow.

- Sir?

If you should really wish

to show me politeness...

you will do so by composing

verses less appalling...

than the ones

I corrected this morning.

Yes, sir.

[ Whispers ]

Sorry for him now?

[ Boy ]

Better luck this time, sir.

[ Boys Chuckle ]

- [ Bang ]

- There. I told you it would work this time.

- [ Cheering ]

- Shut up. You'll get me sacked.

What on earth can I do with you

for the last 1 0 minutes?

- Why have the last 1 0 minutes, sir?

- Hear! Hear!

All right, you lazy little hounds.

Go on. Beat it.

And for heaven's sake,

don't make a racket.

You'll disturb Mr. Crocker-Harris.

[ Chattering ]

- [ Footsteps Passing ]

- [ Chattering ]

It lacks nine and a half minutes

of 1 1 :
00, Wilson.

If you are worried that you will not manage

to complete your exercise in the time remaining...

I am perfectly prepared

to wait until you do.

Yes, sir, but it'll be all right,

thank you, sir.

Does not your politeness, Taplow...

extend to acknowledgement

of help received?

Thank you, sir.

This must be very dull for you.

On the contrary, sir,

extremely informative.

[ Mr. Crocker-Harris ]

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

- Mr. Hunter.

- Good morning, Mrs. Frobisher.

Will you dine with us tonight?

We're having a farewell for the Crocker-Harrises.

- Thank you. I'd love to.

- I know you're such a friend of theirs...

and the headmaster is most anxious

to have only their intimates.

It, uh, hasn't been easy

to make up a table, I must say.

- [ Laughs ]

- Oh, I didn't mean that unkindly.

- No, I'm quite sure you didn't.

- She, of course, has quite a few friends.

The poor dear.

It's rather tragic, isn't it?

For her, I mean.

So young, and quite remarkably pretty,

don't you think, uh, considering?

- Oh, quite remarkably so.

- Yes, I often wonder why she ever, uh --

Oh, well, it never does to speculate

on the little mysteries of matrimony, does it?

- I don't suppose it does.

- Half past 7:
00, then?

We're having dinner early

because of the fireworks.

Right. Good-bye.

[ Bell Tolling ]

[ Tolling Continues ]

Very well.

You may leave.

Just one moment.

This is, as you may know,

the last time I shall see you as a class.

It might not be amiss for me

to say good-bye...

and wish you all

the best of good fortune.

[ All ]

Thank you, sir.

[ Boy ]

Good luck.

Taplow.

I shall expect to see you

for extra work at midday precisely.

Oh, but I fixed up a date for golf, sir.

Then you must unfix it,

mustn't you, Taplow?

You missed an hour last week,

and you must not ask me...

to take money from your father

under false pretenses.

- 1 2:
00 noon, Taplow.

- Yes, sir.

- Thank you. It's been most interesting.

- Not at all.

- Perhaps you would care to glance at these.

- Not just now, sir, if you don't mind.

You might find them informative.

Well, you see, sir, the information I'm looking for

hasn't very much to do with Latin verse.

Oh, indeed?

What has it to do with?

Human nature.

Oh, I see.

The modern psychological method.

I have no doubt there is

much to be said for it.

Well, good-bye.

Bye.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Slow back and stiff left arm.

You'll never hit it

if you break the wrists.

Oh, it's you, is it?

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