The Browning Version

Hurry up. We're late.

Mr. Gilbert?

Yes. Good morning.

We thought you might have

caught the earlier train, sir.

Yes, well, I did,

but it was late,

and getting a taxi wasn't easy.

Allow me.

The Historic Hall.

Built, 1550.

Destroyed by fire, rebuilt 1732.

Restored, 1874.

It's very beautiful.

Great Chapel.

Built in the year 13...

Sorry.

Wilson, you're late.

Yeah, but I'm not really late.

I don't care.

Three minutes late, Wilson.

Cromwell's.

Write it down tomorrow?

Today.

Any boy late

for the morning prayers

is given Cromwell's,

which is the word here

for punishment.

Why?

If you ask me why

it's called "Cromwell's,"

I'll say, "'Y' is

a crooked letter

and you can't make it straight."

- Quite.

- Don't worry, sir.

You'll soon get the hang of it.

Mr. Gilbert,

new master for next term.

Show him in, please.

Mr. Foster.

Trouble with the alarm clock

again, sir?

Morning, boys.

Morning, sir.

Announcements.

The interhouse boat race

was won by Ironsides.

And we have to thank,

for the excellent

organization, Mr. Hunter.

Tomorrow, 2:
00 PM,

cricket match.

Scarffenel boys

versus School First-11.

And tomorrow evening at 8:30 PM,

concert by Small Choir

from the library steps.

Now, Prize Giving on Friday

will be the earlier time

of 9:
00 AM.

This is to enable Mr. Fletcher

to reach London in order

to join the NCC squad

in preparation for their match

against the Australians

at Lords.

Now, now, now, now, now.

There's no need,

no... to get overexcited.

There'll be tears

before bedtime.

Right.

Now, as you know,

Mr. Fletcher

is giving up teaching

to become a professional

cricketer.

Now, I'm sure

you want to wish him well

for the future at Prize Giving.

Now, you'll also want

to show your appreciation

to Mr. Crocker-Harris

on Friday.

Mr. Crocker-Harris

is resigning because

of ill health.

He's been with us for 18 years.

He's taking up less arduous

duties at another school,

and I'm sure we're all very,

very sorry to lose him.

And of course, we'll be sorry

to lose his wife, also.

She's been with us for

15 of those 18 years,

and, uh, she's endeared herself

to us all so much.

Now, hymn number 555,

"Lead Us Heavenly

Father, Lead Us."

Who do you think's the best

left-arm baller in the country?

- You are!

- You are!

Oh, no, really, come on.

Don't be ridiculous, come on.

Move. Make way for Mr. Harris.

I'll do it on the back.

Where would you like it?

Just over there?

All right.

Come on, sir,

it's the end of term, sir.

Oh, yes, sir.

- Please, sir.

- You promised.

I never promised.

I never make promises

to juvenile delinquents.

You did, sir.

You just want to see me

blow myself up,

don't you, you little monsters?

Frank.

No.

Excuse me, Frank. Good morning.

I still need the details of your

classes for next term.

Oh, right, uh, sorry, Andrew.

Um, could I get them

to you today?

I'd be obliged.

Just the final piece

of the jigsaw as it were.

Would 12:
00 at my house

be convenient?

All right, listen.

One more experiment,

but if you let anybody know,

I'll have your heads,

you understand?

- Yeah!

- All right.

- You're like policemen.

- Sorry?

You get younger and younger.

Laura Crocker-Harris.

Tom Gilbert.

I'm taking over

from your husband.

I know, you're going to be head

of the new language department.

Andrew, my husband, was only

head of classical languages.

Um, could you do me a favor?

Of course.

Could you point to me

Mr. Frank Hunter?

I'll do better than that.

Follow me.

Laura.

Diana.

Are we still going into town?

Uh, darling, I'll be right back.

Ah, Laura.

I'm going to miss

your regular attendance

in morning prayers.

Well, thank you, Headmaster.

I shall miss it, too.

It's a nice way

to start the day.

And the library won't be

the same without you.

Well, well, well.

Tell me, how is Andrew

taking all this?

Well, I hope.

Yes, thank you, Headmaster.

He's, um, bearing up.

That's sad. Very sad.

Hey, Taplow, did you get

your switch to science?

I don't know.

I'm just going to ask.

You work in the library?

Oh, just two days a week.

Now, I have to seat parents.

I'd like you supervise

the sound system.

- All right.

- We need about 20 Tannoys and...

Good morning, Laura.

Hello, Laura.

Excuse me for interrupting.

This is, uh, Keith Rafferty,

head of sciences...

frightfully important...

and Frank Hunter.

Tom Gilbert.

Andrew's successor.

Hello. Hello.

Hello, the headmaster

asked me

to show you to your room.

If you don't mind.

No, not at all.

I hear you did a bit

of rowing up at Oxford.

Oh, God, another sportsman.

The head loves them

on the staff.

I'm waiting to see

who wins Wimbledon.

We'll need somebody to take over

from Frank in chemistry

when he goes back

to the colonies.

Well, we must keep

our bodies in shape, mustn't we?

Sir.

Um, I was wondering

if I could have a word with you.

Certainly not.

The bell's gone, it's too late.

That's right. Cut along.

Sir?

Cut along.

Frank, you don't say

"cut along" anymore.

Oh, we don't?

What... What do we say?

We say, "f*** off."

And remember,

don't bully the big boys.

Pick on the little ones,

it's safer.

Good luck.

Thank you.

I should say hello

to Mr. Crocker-Harris.

Oh, um...

Listen, you can talk

to him later, I mean,

we don't want to keep

the headmaster waiting.

- Okay.

- Come on, I'll show you

where you're sleeping.

Sir.

Do I disturb you, sir?

Perhaps.

I know the rules, sir,

but it's very important to me.

Have I...?

Have I got my switch

to upper fifth science, sir?

You have obtained

exactly what you deserve...

no less, and certainly no more.

And, Taplow,

I shall expect you at the house

for extra work at 12:15,

precisely.

What is it?

I'd fixed to play golf, sir.

Well, then you must

unfix it, mustn't you.

You missed an hour last week.

You can't expect me

to take money

from your father

under false pretenses.

He won't mind, sir.

I'm not sure I should take

your word for that, Taplow.

No, sir.

The point is that we mind,

don't we?

Yes, sir.

We mind.

12:
15, extra work.

And you're an exchange,

I take it?

Yup.

Just finished my first year.

I'm here for three.

Do you like it?

Yeah, it's a great place

to teach.

You just feel the history,

the tradition.

They put me up here

when I first came

for my interview.

I didn't sleep a wink.

The beds also date back

to 1667, I think.

I'll be fine.

It's only for two nights.

Are you married?

Yes.

Kids?

Yes, two.

We'll all be here next term.

Have you found a place to stay?

Yes, we're taking

the Crocker-Harris house.

Oh.

Yes, most of our classrooms

are in this building.

Go on, there, there.

Up here, up here

is the upper fifth science,

where Mr. Hunter manufactures

foul-smelling concoctions

for his own perverted

branch of learning.

Well, not as perverted

as the classics.

Won't, uh, Mr. Gilbert

be teaching the boys

about rape and murder, incest?

Unworthy, Mr. Hunter.

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