The Bucket List Page #5

I wish I had met you, before we were dead.

You know... technically...

we can cross off 2 items.

See the pyramids...

And witness something majestic,

it's just about as majestic, as it gets.

Wait, 'till you see my mountain.

Oh yea.

Your mountain...

But still... this ain't half bad

You know the ancient Egyptians had

a beautiful believe about that.

When their souls got to the entrance

of heaven, their Gods ask them 2 questions.

Their answer determent, whether

they were admitted or not.

Okay... I'll bite.

What were they?

- Have you found joy in your life?

- Ah, ha...

Answer the question.

- Me? Answer the question, if I found joy, in my life?

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Has your life brought joy to others?

Oh... this type of question... I, ah...

I don't know, ah... to think about how

other people gage, huh...

Ask them.

I'm asking you.

Right.

Let me put it to you, this way...

After the breakup, and the ensuing

cleansing of the death.

Emily went to live with her mother.

You know, you try to stay close, but...

It gets down to holidays, phone calls,

birthday cards.

You know, anyway...

Emily goes to college...

Joins one of her... save the poor people,

the animals, and what not.

Meets a guy, decides she loves him.

A good looking kid, driven... smart.

But there was something bad, so...

When she said they were engaged,

I told her, I was against it.

But being my daughter, naturally.

She went ahead and married him anyway,

needless to say, I wasn't invited to the wedding.

- That must have hurt?

- You think?

The first time he hit her, she came to me.

I wanted to bash his brains in.

She wouldn't let.

She said, she roult him, and it

wasn't his fault, he had a few drinks.

She was the one, picked the fight.

Next time it happened, she didn't come to me.

The ex told me, nice to hear her voice again.

- What did you do?

- What any father would do.

I took care of it.

I called a guy, who called a guy,

who handles this kind of things.

I don't what he said, don't know what he did,

all I know is, he didn't kill him.

And my daughter, never heard from him again.

How did she react?

Called me names, you wouldn't believe,

and worse.

She said, I was dead to her.

I'm not proud of everything I did.

But I'm pretty sure, I'll do it all again, so...

If they won't let me in the Egyptian heaven

because my daughter hates me.

Well then, I guess, that's just the way it goes.

However you answer, your two questions.

How do we get down from this tomb?

The emperors wife was Chad Tehan,

the 5th ruling emperor.

Although it was an arranged marriage,

they were deeply in love.

They remained unseprobable until she died,

giving birth to their fourteenth child.

Do you mind, if I call you Ray?

Main, man, Ray.

Are you listening, to anything I'm saying?

Absolutely, fourteen kids.

I'm with you.

It took 20 thousand volunteers,

Every square inch, was designed

by the Shah himself.

- So, that's true love

- That's true love.

It must be nice.

Don't know if I buy, the whole

Funeral plans, try to confuse me.

specifically, buried or cremated.

Take buried, now I know it shouldn't matter,

But I'm claustrophobic.

What if I wake up underground, and

nobody can hear me?

They still make those coffins with the bell's?

Ah... I don't believe they do.

And then cremated.

What'd you do with the ashes?

Do you bury'm, scatter'm...

Put'm on a shelf, float them down

the Yantis, on a bed of flowers.

What if I feel the flames?

I definedly, wanna have myself cremated.

Maybe we should go, frozen

like Walt Disney.

No... cremated.

The ashes put in a can, buried

someplace with a view.

A can, huh?

Yea... I don't like the sound of the word Urn.

Really? You have any special feelings about crypt?

Nope...

No... an old Chock full'o Nuts can, will do me just fine.

Chock full'o Nuts, the heaven meal.

A bid of thought for even you, when we get back.

- Don't bet on it..

- Oh, yea.

- Kopi Luwak.

- What'd you got against Kopi Luwak?

Too fancy, for my taste.

Oh yea... to fancy for my main man Ray.

- Gin.

- God damn it.

You get all the cards.

That's just fine, before we make it.

- Yuh, huh...

- Yea...

It be a lot more majestic, if we could see it.

See that old woman? Odds are,

we're gonna be death, before her.

A happy thought.

Of course, she's probably got reincarnation

going for her, however that system works.

The Buddhists believe, they keep coming back.

Moving up or down a level,

based on how you lived your live.

You see, that's where they lose me.

I mean... what would a snail have

to do, to move up in the lineup?

- Lay down a perfect trail of slime?

- So... shitty news or really shitty news?

Hey, the first one.

There's a storm up there.

Thanks for the bulletin Tom, you can't

even see the god damn thing.

They won't let us fly up,

until the weather clears.

When will it be expected to clear?

Next spring... sometime.

That's the really shitty news,

in case you were wondering.

Well...

Maybe next time.

Yea... next spring.

Well... now what?

Well... your mountain is trying to tell us something.

- What'd you mean?

- Maybe we've been gone, long enough.

Gone long enough? Gone long enough for whom?

Oh, no, I get it.

The mountain is not telling us,

it's time for us go home.

The mountain is telling you, to tell me,

it's time for me to go home.

- Right?

- Yea.

I don't give a sh*t.

Why don't you worry about your own life

and let me worry about mine, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay... okay, you don't have to get chippy.

- What's next?

- Next... Hong Kong.

Silk suits and black walnut ice-cream.

The Tibetans call it Cho-Moulun,

Goddess mother of the smells.

Goddess mother of the world, actually.

In the traditional proper translation.

I stand corrected.

Give me rum, please.

I take it, you've been there.

Ah... ah, just left, actually..

We tried to go up, but the weather.

It's late in the season.

- Yea... that's what they tell me.

- My name is Angelica.

Yea, Carter.

I'm sorry, this sounds terribly, but...

Aren't you a little developed in years,

to be climbing up a giant mountain?.

Developed... that's certainly one way of putting it.

- Well, I've been up there.

- Really?

I made it to 26000 feet, before

we had to turn back.

Really?

- What's it like?

- Cold...

Mostly... during the day, the sky is

more black than blue.

There isn't enough air, to reflect the sunlight.

But at night... you've never seen so many stars.

It seems like they're just out of reach...

and so bright.

They're like little holes...

in the floor of heaven.

Did you hear it?

Hear what?

I read about a man, that made it to the summit.

And standing there, at the top of the world

He experienced a profound silence.

It was like all sounds just fell away.

- And that's when he heard it.

- What?

The sound of the mountain.

He said, it was like he heard the voice of God.

I've never done this before.

But sounds, like such a clich but...

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