The Cable Guy

You looked at Ray and said,

"I want him to be my boyfriend, -

- but he's got to change. "

What are you talking about?

One of the things

that initiated a misunderstanding -

- was that one day,

I didn't want to have sex with him.

So he starts talking about

calling somebody else to do it.

Stop at $4,000!

You'd been drinking, and you thought

you were making love to me.

This differs from a normal massage.

- Jamie, I...

- No!

This television funny-man

killed his brother in cold blood.

My guests have crushes

on food service workers.

Mr. Davis, do you take

cream and sugar in your eye?

Do you want to tell them something?

I'm really a man.

Where's the cable guy?

Rick Legatos, please.

- Hey Rick, phone.

- How's the move going?

The cable guy is missing in action.

I hope he gets here before I die.

- You haven't called Robin?

- No. I'm giving her her space.

- I can't believe she's doing this.

- You shouldn't have proposed.

All she had to do was say no.

She didn't have to kick me out.

- Let's go!

- Just give me a minute!

Listen, a piece of advice...

Slip the cable guy $50, he'll give

you all the movie channels for free.

I'm not good at that stuff.

What if he says no?

None of them say no.

- I've got to go. Talk to you later.

- All right.

Hi, this is Robin Harris.

Steven doesn't live here anymore...

- Cable guy!

- Oh, great!

- Cable guy!

- Don't leave!

- Wait!

- Cable guy!

- I'm coming!

- Cable guy!

Cable guy!

Cable guy!

Wait! Come back.

- Look who decided to show.

- You should have come hours ago.

Should I?

So, I'm the tardy one?

Yeah. I was going to the

bed-and-bath place. Now it's closed.

Maybe I shouldn't have come at all.

Jerk off!

I'm just joking with you.

The old McNair place! Never thought

they'd get the floors clean...

- What happened?

- They had a lot of cats.

- Please mail this in when I'm done.

- Does it go to your boss?

No, it goes to me.

I'm kind of a perfectioniss...

Perfectioniss... t.

Let's take a look.

This could be a cool pad.

Come on, baby.

Come on, baby.

Talk to me.

Tell me where you like it.

Hello, Mama.

Is this what you want?

Is this where you need it?

How about this?

That's your sweet spot, right there.

Your lady kicked you out.

What?

I noticed you were previously wired

at 12681 l2 Chestnut.

Last week, the billing

was transferred to one Robin Harris.

- Smells like heartbreak to me.

- I don't want to discuss that.

- Just install my cable, please.

- Suit yourself.

No sweat off my sack.

You might want to

put on a bathing suit.

You'll be channel surfing

in no time.

So ends day 54 of the trial

of former child star, Sam Sweet, -

- who has been accused of shooting

his brother Stan in cold blood.

The twins were stars of

the hit sitcom, "Double Trouble".

- Who broke this?

- He did it!

Life wasn't sweet

after their programme was cancelled.

Sam turned to petty larceny, -

- while his brother fell in with

the cult "Brotherhood of Friends".

I hope they fry this bastard.

What happened?

Your furniture and appliances were

causing problems with the reception.

- I moved a few things, okay?

- Yeah, I guess.

I just have some paperwork

for you to fill out.

It's a drag. You just get to know

somebody and then the job is done.

Sign here.

I feel good about this.

Hey, wait!

I have this friend,

and he gave his cable guy $50...

He got all the movie channels

for free. Did you ever hear of that?

- You mean illegal cable?

- Yeah...

- Who told you that?

- Forget it.

You're offering me a bribe.

That's illegal. You could be fined

up to $5,000 or go to jail.

No, I was just making conversation.

Forget it.

I'm just jerking your chain.

You are too easy. Wake up.

Smell the smelling salt.

I'll juice you up.

- One guy doing another guy a solid.

- That is so nice.

Well, you're a nice guy.

Many customers treat me like snot.

Here's my personal pager number.

- The company puts you on hold.

- Thanks. You'll get good marks.

Maybe I'll show you the satellite,

how this whole thing works.

- Sure, we should do that one day.

- How about tomorrow?

- Tomorrow's no good.

- You'll be stewing about your ex?

No.

- I crossed the line. Sorry.

- You didn't cross the line.

Cool! Pick you up at six-thirty.

There are 24 classrooms.

Each can be converted into a home.

There's a swimming pool,

tennis courts, a gym and a stage, -

- if the residents decide

they want to perform "Oklahoma".

- Oklahoma!

- It's available in foreclosure.

With a cash bid,

we can steal this thing.

Tough room, but you got them.

Are you having

a little domestic discord?

Robin and I are having difficulties.

I think it's only temporary.

If you screw this project up,

it's not going to be my ass.

- Do you know what I mean?

- I'm on it.

I'm more patient. I'm more loving.

They tell me this.

There's something in everyone's life

they could improve.

If they're doing well financially,

maybe their relationships suffer...

Call now, and you'll be rushed

the "Personal Power Success System."

Steven!

Stevie, time to leavie!

Come on down!

Are you waiting for an invitation?

It's the fun bus. Come on!

- How's it going?

- Hey, buddy!

I've had a few drinks,

so buckle up.

That's my humor.

Thanks for coming out.

Most people never take the time

to understand how the cable works.

- Where exactly are we going?

- To ride the information highway.

I come up here to think sometimes.

Clear my head.

Brace yourself.

There she is.

She's sending entertainment and

information to millions of citizens.

- That's pretty impressive.

- I knew you'd appreciate this.

The future is now!

Soon every home will integrate their

television, phone and computer.

You'll be able to visit the Louvre,

or watch female mud wrestling.

You can shop from your home, or play

video games with someone in Vietnam.

There's no end to the possibilities!

When I was a kid, my mom worked

nights. I never met my father.

- But the TV was always there.

- I know what you mean.

My dad might as well have been away.

That's tough. You must have

a lot of abandonment issues.

Reality isn't

"Father Knows Best" any more.

It's a kick in the face

with a steel-toe work boot, -

- and a trip to the hospital

for reconstructive surgery.

But what doesn't kill us

makes us stronger, right?

My brother is a speech therapist.

So?

Never mind.

- You're pretty love-struck, huh?

- I miss her.

- I proposed, and she kicked me out.

- I hate that.

- She said I pressed too hard.

- Women are a labyrinth, my friend.

Can I be frank?

I don't think you listen to her.

You tell her what she wants to hear.

She wants you to thirst

for knowledge about who she is.

All the complicated splendor

that is woman.

When your love is truly giving,

it will come back to you tenfold.

You're right.

That's incredibly insightful.

It was Jerry Springer's

final thought on Friday's show.

Women love "Sleepless in Seattle."

It's on HBO this month.

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