The Cable Guy Page #2

- That's your bait.

- Robin loves that movie.

Tell her you're cooking yourself

dinner and watching it by yourself.

- She'll come running.

- Maybe I'll give it a try.

It's embarrassing,

I don't even know your name.

Do you really want to know my name?

You do?

It's Ernie Douglas.

But my friends call me Chip.

Goodbye.

This concludes our broadcast day.

Click.

I don't listen to you.

I pretend to understand.

I'm just saying

what I think you want to hear.

I'm interested in learning about the

complicated splendor that is you.

I can see that taking this time

might be good for us. I'm not mad.

- Sometimes time apart is healthy.

- You're right.

That's what I came here to say.

I have to get back to the office.

- What are you doing tomorrow?

- Cook dinner and watch a movie.

- "Sleepless in Seattle" is on TV.

- I love that movie.

Why don't you come by?

- Maybe I will.

- Whatever.

I'm Tabitha Soren.

Today in the Sam Sweet case, -

- the prosecution played the call

Sam made on the night of the murder.

Mr. Sweet confessed one month later.

Oh, my God.

My twin brother's been shot.

I think it was

an Asian gang or something!

I saw someone. He was speaking

another language. I'm pretty sure -

- it was Asian.

He had the same injury last year.

You guys play here too?

I thought I'd see if anybody

wanted to play round ball.

- Great. We need another man.

- Chip Douglas, my cable guy.

We met a week ago,

but I feel I've always known him.

That's sweet.

- Chip Douglas, you're on my team.

- No way.

- I'm on Steven's team.

- I'll switch teams. Let's play.

I've got to warm up!

I don't want to pull a hammy.

- Let's get it on.

- You any good?

You'll find out.

Check it.

Looks good.

Let's see what you got,

White Shadow.

Foul!

- That was a travel!

- Whatever you say, Chip!

I see.

We're playing prison rules, huh?

Feed me!

Steven, I'm open!

Feed me the rock!

Chip, over here!

I love this game.

- I guess we're done.

- Thanks for bringing your friend.

I never made a slam dunk before.

Thanks for the boost.

What are you doing?

- I'm just talking trash.

- You ruined the game.

Friends don't speak to each other

like that.

We're not friends.

I don't even know you.

- Let me buy you a Heineken.

- I'm going home.

I guess we'll talk later.

I have to do some stuff anyway.

You have 11 new messages.

Steven, it's Mom. Call me.

I'm still your mother, you know.

Steven, call your mother.

Hey, Steven. Give me a ring.

I'm at 555-4329.

I'm at a pay phone.

If you're there, pick up.

I'll be home later.

Okay, I'm home.

Give me a buzz when you get in.

It's me again. I was taking a whiz.

Thought you might have called.

We're having ourselves

a game of phone tag here.

I was just blow-drying my hair...

Thought I heard the phone ring.

I think your machine is...

- Hey, good to see you.

- You too.

- So how's work?

- Work's good.

- How's Hal?

- The guy has no vision.

It's like working for Mr. Magoo.

And those hair plugs...

He's just an utterly useless person.

I think I hate him.

- It's nice to see you doing well.

- It's nice just to see you.

Hey.

It should be on now.

Damn it.

The cable's out.

I know what to do.

The cable guy is a friend of mine.

I'm a preferred customer.

All I have to do is page him.

- Hi. Is there a problem?

- My cable's out.

Really?

So you called me.

Funny, how you call

when you need something.

- Is that how you treat people?

- I've been busy. Robin is here.

- This is important.

- But calling me back isn't?

I'm sorry.

Can you help me out?

Why should I help you?

I gave you free cable.

- What have you ever done for me?

- Anything you want.

- Tomorrow night we hang out.

- Fine, anything you want.

God bless you.

You're too good to me.

All set!

- What's with the cut cord?

- That's for effect. Until tomorrow.

She's pretty. Don't kiss her.

Don't even touch her.

Resist the urge at all costs.

It'll pay off in the end.

See what I'm saying?

Enjoy the flick.

That was fast.

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine. Don't I look fine?

That isn't how it's done.

I'd rather just see somebody I like.

Get a feeling about them,

and ask them if they'd like a drink.

- Or a slice of pizza?

- Does it still work this way?

- It doesn't. They ask you.

- I'm starting to notice that.

If you get a new wife,

do you get to have sex with her?

- I certainly hope so.

- Will she scratch up your back?

What?

In movies, women always scratch

the man when they're having sex.

- How do you know this?

- Jed's got cable.

- Mommy's got to go out now.

- When will I get a brother?

That's why Mommy is going out.

Just sit there with Mr. Babysitter

and he'll take good care of you.

Don't sit so close to that thing.

It's going to rot your brain.

- Why didn't you take my call?

- I can't always pick up the phone.

Your nostrils flare

when you're mad.

Sorry about yesterday.

How did everything go with you?

- Keep them closed!

- Pretty well. The other night...

I want this to be a surprise.

- Where are we going?

- The finest restaurant in town.

Open... sesame.

Medieval Times?

I knew you'd like it.

I come twice a week.

I'm your serving wench, Melinda.

Care for something from the barkeep?

Dost thust have thou a mug of ale?

Me mate here, pitched in battle for

a fortnight, has a king's thirst.

- I'll be right back, My Lord.

- My thanks to ye, fair wench.

Thanks.

- Look, I have to tell you...

- Hold that thought. Show's on.

Welcome to a magnificent journey...

into the past.

This is Medieval Times!

Are you prepared for a night

of feasting and sport -

- the likes of which

you'll never forget?

Stand up and cheer

for your section's knight!

Let the games begin!

The blue knight rules!

The red knight sucks the big one!

You're going down, red knight!

Going down, down, down!

Red knight going down!

Smite him!

- Could I get a knife and fork?

- There were none in medieval times.

- More Pepsi?

- There was Pepsi, but no utensils?

I've got a lot of tables.

Can I have your skin?

Check this out.

"Silence of the Lambs."

Hello, Clarice.

It's good to see you again.

This has nothing to do with you

as a person...

We have reached the climax

of our competition.

Two noblemen from our audience

will battle to the death.

Master Steven Kovacs and Lord Chip,

come to the fighting pit!

- Let's go.

- What's going on?

- We're going to do battle.

- Is this a normal part of the show?

No, but I give all the knights

free cable.

- Is it safe?

- Yes! That's what the armor's for!

We have to be careful

not to hurt each other, right?

I cannot listen to you,

for you are my sworn enemy.

Just take it easy, all right?

Nice move.

Necessity...

is the mother of invention.

Come back...

so that I may brain thee!

My leg!

I have a cramp!

Are you all right?

I am now.

Oh my God!

That's the spirit!

Let's give them a show!

I'm blinded! My eyes!

I don't believe you.

It's another trick.

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