The Caddy

- Hi.

- Hello.

- Who'd you come to see?

- You!

Oh, that's swell.

- What do you people want?

- Pictures!

- Do we have any pictures?

- Well, why don't one of us go see?

Okay, I'll be back in a week.

No, he'll be right back.

He'll be right back.

Here. Look, Joe. You all ready?

All right, now get set.

There they go.

Here they...

I'm all right. I'm all right.

Go get them!

- Goodbye.

- What a town!

Boy, you'd think we had made

the first flight to the moon and back.

And after every show

the crowds get bigger.

Yeah, remember

when I used to be scared of crowds?

- Yeah.

- No more. I like them.

- They're only people.

- That's nice.

Hark! Someone's knocking at the door.

- Answer it. Answer it.

- All righty.

- Oh, hi, Eddie.

- Well, hello, Eddie.

What's happened to you?

It took three cops and a squad of ushers

to get us into the theater.

Boys, I'd like you to meet Miss Lorelei.

- How do you do?

- Hello, Miss Lorelei.

How do you do?

Oh, that's our boy, the biggest agent

in town and the easiest laugher.

Here, watch this.

Miss Lorelei,

I want you to meet my mom and pop.

- How do you do?

- I'd like you to meet my mom and pop.

They ain't here.

Miss Lorelei's doing a story

for the American Weekly.

You boys seem to have more fun

than the customers.

Oh, we do.

Isn't it wonderful

when people love their work?

- The food is ready.

- Oh, can I fix you a sandwich?

- No, I'll just take some notes.

- That's not very nourishing.

Here, why don't you try

some of this terrific corned beef

- and salami and...

- Now, about my story...

Oh, yes, well, sit right down here,

and we'll find out

just how everything came about.

Now, how long have you been

in the business?

- About 12 years.

- 12 years. And where were you born?

- Scranton.

- Scranton?

Oh, that is a coincidence.

- Were you boys born in Scranton?

- No.

Is this your first engagement

at the Paramount?

- Oh, I don't work here.

- Then what are you doing here?

I came to get an interview from you.

Well, you better hurry up.

We're almost on, dear.

- Now, what would you like to know?

- Hey, fellows, two minutes.

Two minutes?

What happened to the time?

You and Pop, you want to go

in the wings and watch the show?

Did you leave the props on the piano

in the last show?

- Come on.

- I got the horns, Joe.

- What else do we have, we...

- We don't use the horns this show.

- Oh, well, hold these, Mama.

- Come on, Miss Lorelei, with us.

But I want to know

how you boys got together.

- Well, what about it?

- Well, what do you expect to do next?

Oh, we're going to play

some more theaters

and keep working, that's all.

- Come on. Jump, jump, jump!

- Come on.

This way. Come on through here.

Jump. Come on. Don't be...

- We gotta go on. Jump!

- Right.

- Come on, jump off. Come on!

- That's a good girl.

- Oh, you fraidy cat.

- No, no.

What are you afraid of? Well, we're on!

- You enter from that side.

- And you enter from that side.

- And are you ready, Mr. Anthony?

- I sure am, Mr. Miller.

- Here we go.

- Right-o.

So here he is, Harvey Miller.

Hello.

Come on, step to the rear of the bus.

We're coming into 34th Street.

I'd like to say

how very happy and thrilled we are,

ladies and gentlemen,

to be appearing here

at the Paramount Theater,

and how nice it is

to see all you nice people.

I could stay out here for hours,

but the Italian street singer

is getting old.

So I would like to introduce my buddy,

pal and partner, Mr. Joe Anthony.

Here he is.

Don't you want me to sing a song?

Oh, yeah, but I thought you and I

could do a song together both.

- Together both?

- Yeah, wouldn't that be splendid?

Yeah, that would be peachy.

- Oh, shall we do one?

- Yes.

Oh, thank you, Great White Father.

What would you do without me

What would you do, boy

What would you do without me

when I'm gone

I'd sell my car and hock my ring

And go right out and hire Bing

That's what I'd do without you

That's what I'd do

But tell me

what would you do without me

What would you do, boy

What would you do without me

when I'm gone

I'd have no trouble replacing you

I'd just go down to the nearest zoo

Oh, that's what I'd do without you

That's what I'd do

We will be

- Just like brothers, you and I

- Just like brothers, you and I

- I'm for you

- I'm for me

- And I'll love you till I die

- And I'll love you till I die

Oh, what would you do without me

What would you do, boy

What would you do without me

when I'm gone

When my bankroll's gone

and I need some dough

You're always telling me where to go

See? What would you do without me

What would you do

We will be just like brothers, you and I

- I'll go east

- I'll go west

- And I'll love you till I die

- And I'll love you till I die

Oh, what would you do without me

What would you do, boy

What would you do without me

when I'm gone

I've been your stooge

and been your clown

Who picks you up when you are down

- Who has $10 and gives you $9

- Who sticks by you come rain or shine

- Who's always taking it on the chin

- Who's always there, lose or win

Who's always been a regular guy

- I'll love you till I die

- I'll love you till I die

Oh, what would you do without me

What would you do

Then it must be Mr. Miller's family

has the theatrical background?

No, no, but you ask me, I tell you.

When Harvey is younger,

his papa is number one golf champion

in the whole country.

One day it was the final match,

Father and Son Tournament.

Harvey Miller, Sr., wanted his son to be

great golf champion, too,

and follow in his footprints. Capisce?

I'll do my best, Dad.

- I'm sorry, Dad. I missed the cup.

- That was a great drive, Harvey.

Thank you.

Remember, they're only people.

What's the matter with you? Hit it.

- Those people are staring at me, Dad.

- Don't look at them. Look at the ball.

- Look at the ball?

- Yes.

- Now, what's the matter?

- It looked back.

Now, Harvey, hit that ball.

Hit it! Hit it!

Hit it! Hit it!

Hit it! Hit it!

Hit it! Hit it! Hit it!

Hit it! Hit it! Hit it!

Now what about your son, Mr. Anthony?

Well, I feel like Harvey's papa.

I want Joe to follow in my footprints.

Jump in, Joe. We're gonna cast off.

Pop, I don't want to fish anymore.

I get seasick.

You crazy.

Your grandpapa don't get seasick,

your papa don't get seasick,

you don't get seasick.

I don't feel so good already.

But, Joe, we don't leave the dock yet.

Here, you eat something.

- You'll feel better.

- Oh, Pop.

You may be the sickest fisherman

in the ocean,

but you're gonna be a fisherman.

Look, Pop,

you can't treat me like a kid any longer.

I'm grown up.

From now on,

I'm gonna stand on my own two feet.

But on dry land!

- Joe! Joe! You come back here!

- Joe, Joe.

Four years later, Joe is a big boy,

but his sea legs no good.

Four years later, Joe is a big boy,

but his sea legs no good.

He wanna try his land legs.

So he leave home

to take all kind of job.

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