The Caine Mutiny Page #2

Haul away!

Lead the line | outboard of everything.

Report float recovered.

The Jones never could beat us.

You pooped out! We streamed three | minutes quicker at Guadalcanal.

You must love that guy | to do what you did for him.

Go dry yourself, Keith.

- Is that you, Willie? | - Yeah.

Didn't you go to Princeton? Maybe | I'll let you read some of my novel.

- Your opinion might be valuable. | - Thanks.

Horrible, | pick up those orange peels.

Meatball, laugh once more | and you're in trouble.

Ensign Keith, report to | the captain's cabin. On the double.

These 90-day wonders. They all | think they're five-star admirals.

Come in.

Three days ago, this ship received a | dispatch addressed to us for action.

- Smitty says he gave it to you. | - Yes, sir. I forgot about it.

- Did you decode the message? | - No, sir.

- It's incredible stupidity... | - I had it done for you.

- That'll be all, Smitty. | - Yes, sir.

Keith.

Do you know how serious misplacing | an action dispatch can be?

I don't think you do.

This ship might have failed | to carry out a combat assignment.

I'd bear the full responsibility | in a court martial.

I understand, sir.

I've been filling out | officers' fitness reports.

- How should this affect yours? | - Anyone can make a mistake.

There are mistakes and mistakes. | The margin for error is narrow here.

There's too much loss of life | and property damage possible.

Here. | Read it.

"Ensign Keith seems | a fairly bright young man."

"He may become a competent officer | once he overcomes...

...a careless approach | to his duties."

- Is it unfair? | - Sir, if I may be permitted...

I made a mistake, but I don't think | I should be singled out for it.

The Caine's a slack ship. The decks | look like a Singapore junk.

You must also | strongly disapprove of me.

- Go ahead, man to man. | - I'm in no position to judge.

My conception of a captain | is different from yours.

I'll take it under advisement. | Since you feel so bitter. -

- Perhaps what's in the dispatch | will brighten your day.

As you can see, | I'm being relieved of command.

Next week | you'll have a new captain.

Lieutenant Commander | Philip Francis Queeg. Feel better?

- Definitely, sir. | - Good. That'll be all, Keith.

In accordance with | Bureau of Naval Personnel. -

- Order 01602 1 of November 1943. -

- You'll report to and relieve the | commanding officer of the USS Caine.

Signed, Louis Whitfield, | Rear Admiral, USN, Chief of Bureau.

I relieve you, sir.

All standing orders to remain | in force. Dismiss the men.

- Good luck, Captain. | - Thank you.

Crew dismissed.

I could stay aboard a few days | till you get used to things.

There's no need for that. We all | have our own ways of running a ship.

This one's tired. She ought | to be melted down for razor blades.

The crew's tired, too. | But every man is okay.

- I understand. | - I hope you do.

Yours, Captain.

Attention on deck.

- Request permission to leave. | - Captain, sir?

- What is it, Meatball? | - Nothing, sir.

A few of the guys chipped in and...

Whose idea was this?

- It's against Navy regulations. | - You don't go by regulations.

That's my trouble. | I've been aboard the Caine too long.

You take an even strain with the | new skipper, and it'll be all right.

- I'm leaving the ship, sir. | - Yes, sir.

What do you know? Somebody | left his watch lying around.

I might as well have a souvenir. | Not a bad-looking watch at that.

- What time is it? | - 11:00.

Make it 10:
30. | I'll keep it a half hour slow -

- To remind me | of the fouled-up crew of the Caine.

Carry on.

What's everybody so choked up for?

I still think | that someday you'll make an officer.

Captain Queeg requests | a meeting of all officers at 13:00.

We'll be shipmates for a long time. | We should get acquainted.

I've formed some impressions. | You're probably curious about me.

My background is simple. | Just another naval officer.

I've had seven years | in the Atlantic.

The last two were very interesting.

I thought they had it in for me | personally. Let's get down to cases.

I'm a book man. I believe everything | in it was put in for a purpose.

On this ship, | we do things by the book.

Deviate from the book | and you'll get an argument from me.

I don't lose arguments on my ship. | That's why it's nice to be captain.

Remember, on board my ship | excellent performance is standard. -

- Standard performance | is sub-standard and does not exist.

Now that I've shot my face off, I'll | give you the chance to do the same.

It's been a long time since | this crew did things by the book.

There are four ways | of doing things on board my ship:

The right way, the wrong way, | the Navy way and my way.

Do it my way and we'll get along.

Okay? | Anyone else?

Come in.

Sorry to interrupt. | Official message.

Thank you.

One moment, messenger.

- What's your name and rate? | - Urban, sir. Seaman First.

- Very well. You may go. | - Yes, sir.

Gentlemen, did you notice anything | peculiar about Seaman Urban?

A shirt-tail outside trousers | is the uniform for bus boys. -

- Not for a sailor in the US Navy. | We will start noticing these things.

- Who's the Morale Officer? | - There is none.

- Who's the Junior Ensign? | - Keith, sir.

Mr Keith, | you are now the Morale Officer.

See to it that every man keeps | his shirt-tail inside his trousers.

If I see | another shirt-tail flapping. -

- Woe betide the sailor, the OOD and | the Morale Officer. I kid you not.

We are to proceed to Area X-ray | at 08:00 tomorrow to tow targets.

The Caine is going to be the best | target-towing ship in this navy.

That'll be all, gentlemen.

I want the men to have their hair | cut and their faces shaven by 24:00.

Aye, aye, sir.

- Well, he's certainly Navy. | - Yeah, so was Captain Bligh.

Attention all hands.

Ships will commence firing at 10:00. | Observers lay out to the fantail.

Flash. | Short. 200. Over.

100. 250.

Hit. Over. | 100. 250.

Short. 100. | Over. 150. 200.

Ensign Keith, report to the bridge.

Have you any explanation | for the appearance of this sailor?

You heard my order on shirt-tails. | Tuck your shirt in, now.

- The captain won't let me. | - See the rotten job you're doing?

- Gwendelyn, this is Tarzan. | - Tarzan, this is Gwendelyn.

Cease present exercises | and return to base. Well done. Out.

Roger. | Thank you, sir.

We're heading back. | Right standard rudder.

Now, Mr Keith... | Do you have an explanation for this?

I didn't ask for an alibi. My orders | must mean very little to you.

- I'm at fault, but I tried my best. | - Yes, a maximum of inefficiency.

What's the matter with the old man? | We're steaming in a circle.

- Captain... | - Don't interrupt me.

One more word, and you're on report.

- You were the officer of the deck. | - A man can't be everywhere at once.

You are equally as responsible | for your duties as I am for mine.

And one thing more. | War is a 24-hour job.

There will be no more | novel-writing on the Caine.

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