the chaff

Season #season 5

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Sock Puppet:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Blah

[STATIC]

[ALL SCREAM]

Control Freak:
Oh, hello, Titans.

[ALL GROAN]

Robin:
Control Freak. What do you want this time, you belligerent basement dweller?

Control Freak:
I just wanted to pop in and say how much I've enjoyed watching your show lately.

Starfire:
Oh, the many thank yous.

Control Freak:
Oh, yeah, the stories have been great. And the musical numbers? [LAUGHS] Oh, they are top-notch as usual.

Raven:
So nice of you to say.

Control Freak:
And the laughs never stop coming. Those toilet jokes had me rolling.

Beast Boy:
Aw. If we's made one person happy, it was all worth it.

Cyborg:
That sounds pretty good to me.

Starfire:
 I really like the sound of that.

Beast Boy:
[GASPS] Wait's one doggone minute! How could you enjoy our shows? You don't like anything.

Control Freak:
[LAUGHS] That's right! I hate it! But look on the bright side. Your disaster of a show has given me an opportunity to finally destroy you once and for all.

Robin:
And how are you going to do that?

Control Freak:
Oh, I've been able to dig up some scenes that were cut from your show. And I'm going to show them to your audience.

Robin:
You wouldn't dare!

Starfire:
Those garbage scenes were removed for the reason.

Control Freak:
Once your audience sees these terrible clips, they'll run away screaming. Behold, scenes that were too terrible to be included in Teen Titans Go!

[CLICKING]

I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Beast Boy:
This fool thinks he's Viggo Mortensen.

Raven:
Nice undies, Aragorn.

Control Freak:
Oh, no. Wrong clip. This isn't about my shame. It's about yours.

[STATIC]

[FILM REEL WHIRRING]

[BEEPING]

Cyborg:
All right, let's park this big boy. And reverse!

[ROBOT BEEPING]

Easy now. Easy Easy. Eeeaaasyyy. Easy. Easy. Easy.

[GLASS SHATTERING]

Easy now. Easy. Easy.

[METAL SCRAPING] Easy. Batman: Huh?

[CAR ALARM BLARING]

[LAUGHING]

Cyborg:
Nailed it.

Robin:
 What? That wasn't so bad. It was okay.

Beast Boy:
Yeah, I was happy with how it turned out.

Cyborg:
It's not ha-ha funny, but I laughed on the inside.

Raven:
I thought that was a charming gag.

Control Freak:
"Gag" is the keyword. [RETCHING]

Titans:
[ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST] Ugh, gross.

Control Freak:
[SLURPS] Jokes about parking. What could be more lame than that?

Cyborg:
Man, if you think that's gonna scare off our audience, you haven't watched our show.

Control Freak:
[BEEPING] Huh, you're right. Your audience seems to be hanging in there. I guess they're used to this kind of trash. But this next clip should do the trick. Remember when you thought you could pull off some high-end 3D graphics?

Starfire:
We were attempting to make the show look v-very expensive.

Control Freak:
But your budget is so low.

Robin:
I thought we could save money by doing it ourselves.

Control Freak:
Oh, really? Well, let's show your fans how that turned out. [LAUGHING]

Titans:
Wow. - Whoa. [ALL EXCLAIMING]

Starfire:
We are existing in the third of dimensions.

Cyborg:
I never knew we had so many sides.

Beast Boy:
Yo, we looks like them expensive Hollywood movies.

Starfire:
[LAUGHS] I bet the Walt Disney is shaking in his boots.

Raven:
Are you kidding? This is awful. We should've spent the $10 million and done it right.

Control Freak:
[LAUGHING] There's nothing better in life than watching amateurs fail.

Robin:
And it still cost us half a million dollars to animate that.

Raven:
Our life savings, gone.

Control Freak:
And your audience is gone, too. Look! [ALL GASP] [MUSIC]

Robin:
Sure, we may lose a few fair weather fans, but people will always love us, because, at the end of the day, we're superheroes who save the world.

Beast Boy:
And we's be taking on villains on the daily.

Control Freak:
Pfft. Ha! Oh, yeah. I forgot you guys "fight bad guys" sometimes. Remember that time you're up against Brother Blood? It was supposed to be a big special event for your fans to enjoy. Let's see how that one turned out.

[CLICKING]

[STATIC]

[BEEP]

[MUSIC]

[WHIRRING]

Robin:
A string of crimes. Advanced technology stolen from each location. Brother Blood is trying to build something with these parts. But what?

Beast Boy:
With this thingamabob he stole from the science lab!

Cyborg:
Combined with all these other things, he could build

[ALARM BEEPING]

[BOTH GASP]

ALL:
A gigantic robot booty? [FARTS]

Beast Boy:
No! He's gonna release a mega fart on Jump City with that nasty mind-control gas.

Starfire:
He will control us all with his foul stench.

Robin:
Titans, we're going to need everything we've got to take down Brother Blood's giant butt.

[FARTS]

[STATIC]

Control Freak:
You call that a special event? A giant robotic booty? Pathetic.

Beast Boy:
Hey, that booty was threatening to take over the world.

Cyborg:
Yeah, that thing was a menace to society.

Control Freak:
Well, you audience seems to disagree. [ALL GASP] And I have a feeling your ratings will drop to zero after I reveal the oh-so dramatic and suspenseful way you ended up defeating Brother Blood's giant booty.

[CLICKS]

[STATIC]

[BROTHER BLOOD LAUGHS]

Brother Blood:
You're too late, Titans. Soon, I'll have covered the entire city with my mind-control gas.

Beast Boy:
We gotta do something!

Brother Blood:
 Not too much longer now. Enjoy your final moments.

[FARTING]

[ALL COUGHING]

Cyborg:
If only we had more time.

Robin:
Time? That's it! We'll defeat Brother Blood by going back in time. To the time machine.

[WHIRRING]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[WHOOSHING]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

Brother Blood:
Not too much longer now. Enjoy your final moments.

Robin:
Now's our chance. Raven, get us in there.

[ALL GASP]

Check it out.

Beast Boy:
 Wow. Look, look, look. It's us!

Brother Blood:
What are you looking at?

Starfire:
 The nothing.

Raven:
 Nothing. [LAUGHTER] [GIGGLING]

Brother Blood:
You're all acting strange.

Robin:
[SHUSHING] Be serious.

Brother Blood:
What are you up to?

Beast Boy:
Nothing, man. Check out my moves. Look at this. Ooh-hoo. Look at this right here. Look at this.

Brother Blood:
What kind of ploy is this? [MUFFLED LAUGHTER]

Robin:
They're gonna get him. I mean, we're gonna get him.

Cyborg:
Oh, here it comes. Oh, here it comes. They're coming.

Brother Blood:
[GRUNTS] What was that? Huh? What was that? Ha!

[GRUNTS]

It's there again, isn't it?

Cyborg:
I do not see an immediate threat.

Brother Blood:
Okay, I'm going to turn around slowly and What? How?!

ALL:
Time travel. (EXPLOSION)

ALL:
Whoa. [ALL CHEERING] [FIRE CRACKLING]

Raven:
Ugh, yikes. So, that's it? The show's over?

Beast Boy:
This was unsatisfactory, yo.

Robin:
This ending lacked drama and suspense. It can't be over.

Starfire:
Perhaps he is just doing the fake out.

Beast Boy:
Nah, he done.

Cyborg:
Oh, yeah, it's over. Here come them good credits.

[STATIC]

Control Freak:
Wow. No wonder they decided not to air that pathetic excuse for a special. I've never seen a more unsatisfactory climactic battle in my life. But I suppose it's a fitting end to your unsatisfactory show. Time to watch your remaining fans disappear.

[BEEPING]

ALL:
No!

Control Freak:
[LAUGHING] Finally, your garbage show got what it deserved! Teen Titans Go! has been cancelled!

MALE VOICE:
Cancelled.

Robin:
What? It's over? We lost?

Raven:
I can't believe this is happening!

Starfire:
 Oh, the no.

Cyborg:
 Hold on! This ain't over yet, Control Freak. Me and Beastie got a secret weapon up our sleeves.

Control Freak:
Ha-ha. What is it? More garbage clips?

Cyborg:
No, this one's pure platinum, baby.

Beast Boy:
Hit it! (Cyborg puts in cassette tape)

Cyborg and Beast Boy: It's poop time!

Beast Boy:
Ahh.

Cyborg and Beast Boy: Plop plop goes the poop

Right down the toilet

I pooped in the toilet

I poo-pooed in the toilet

Plop plop goes the poop

Right down the toilet

I pooped in the toilet

I poo-pooed in the toilet

One poop, two poop Three poop, four

Right into the toilet

And here comes one more Poop in the toilet

There's poo-poo in the toilet

Poop in the toilet

There's poo-poo in the toilet

Poopity poopity Poop poop, baby

Let's poopity poopity Poop poop, baby

Let's poopity poopity poop

Poopity poopity poop

Poopity poopity poop Poop, baby Plop plop!

Control Freak:
Pfft. Ha! You expect to get your fans back with a song about poop? Wait what? Huh?

Raven:
Look, our audience is coming back.

Control Freak:
No, this can't be happening!

[CHIMING]

[ALL CHEERING]

MALE VOICE:
Renewed.

Robin:
With this many people watching, Teen Titans Go! is going to be around for a long time.

Control Freak:
[FRUSTRATED GRUNT] Freak out!

Cyborg:
One more time!

Titans:
Plop plop goes the poop

Right down the toilet

I pooped in the toilet

I poo-pooed in the toilet

Let's poopity poopity poop

Poopity poopity poop

Poopity poopity poop Poop, baby Plop plop!

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