The Charge of the Light Brigade Page #5

don't let them sit together.

We must do what we can

to keep them apart.

Things are serious

and they are silly in ways.

- My lord.

- Lord Raglan.

Sit down, gentlemen.

War. This is war, gentlemen.

Our passage to India is threatened,

I should think. Wouldn't you?

The honor, the reputation,

the glory of England is threatened...

...and the Queen's majesty is sure

to be threatened, she is.

If poor, brave, weak little,

sick little Turkey...

"The sick man of Europe."

Yes, though I prefer to consider her

as a young lady, hands up, flutter...

...defenseless.

If she should fall to the tyrant...

If the Turks go down like cards, flip-flop...

...then next up our own Solent...

...and our own Queen,

will come the Russians, ships and guns...

...to rip our country into shame.

The Russians. The Russians.

The Russians. The Russians.

The Russians.

Poor little Turkey.

Poor little Turkey!

Attention for Mr. Cornet Codrington,

the orderly officer.

Me darlin' soldier, wait till I kiss you clean.

Are they winking at you, sir?

Permission to speak, sir.

Mrs. Mitchell, sir.

Are all the wives going, sir, or just a few?

I'm strong, sir.

And so am I.

I can't say. I really can't say.

One in six, sir.

One in six?

You look tremendous.

This is the beginning of a very long test,

my dear William.

I see you have your cattle slung aboard.

I must watch for old Treasurer,

that he is handled gently.

I have a letter of importance for you,

but orders are not to be read...

...until we up anchor.

Impressed on me, from Clarissa.

Where's Lord Cardigan?

Get into line, Lord Cardigan.

Light Brigade, with me.

What?

Trooper!

Pull those ropes faster.

Soldier!

Tomorrow, Calamita Bay.

Is it aptly named, do you think, William?

I know you worry about my rheumatism.

It is gone, almost gone.

- I wish I could come with you.

- We're going to swim and things.

But Henry, I can swim.

When we're settled,

I'll see that you're rowed ashore.

Dear husband, kiss.

Dear wife, kiss.

I do urge you to keep your headgear.

It's your only protection against the sun.

There, my lord, is a cool customer.

Where do you think you're going,

Lord Cardigan?

- I'm ordered up.

- By whom?

I receive orders from Lord Raglan.

You do not receive orders

from Lord Raglan.

In which case,

who did I receive orders from?

The Czar's left tit?

Are you ordered up?

I'm going up, ain't I? Lf I'm up,

I must have been ordered up. Up!

When you get ordered-up orders,

you tell me about them.

I command here, sir.

I command you, sir.

At least I thought this

petty bickering must cease...

...now we're in shot of the enemy.

Let us show that in spite of the mistakes

and stupidity of those that...

...are set above us,

we can still gain some glory, eh?

I'm sure we can, Lewis.

Such glum faces.

Friends, it is going well for us.

Don't come too close, Lewis.

It's cholera, my lord.

Eleven men have died, and there are more.

Damn cholera, or what ye call it.

We're not here to drop dead

of the vapors, like girls.

- Get them up!

- On your feet! Fall in!

- Come on, fall in, men! On your feet!

- You there, get on your feet.

Get yourself up, lad. Get up! Come on!

Get these men up!

- My lord, the men are...

- Don't bother me now, Mr. Nolan.

My lord!

That is the river Alma, my lord.

The enemy appears to be in some strength.

- Take posts, gentlemen, please.

- Take posts.

Russians.

An order, my lord?

An order off to the cavalry?

Yes, an order off to the cavalry.

Place them out of shot.

We really should keep our cavalry

in a bandbox.

Have them take ground somewhere

with a good view.

They must not be allowed to feel

out of things.

I don't want to find them

getting shot at and raggedy.

- How do you want it to go, my lord?

- Of course, Airey, I should want us to win.

Form the Infantry for the assault

while I talk to the French.

View halloa!

Give them a smile, Airey.

They always go off

the better for a friendly face.

What we're going to do, Airey,

is to examine the enemy's position.

You don't look well, Marechal.

- I can't stand up.

- Airey, a chair for Marechal St. Arnaud.

Chair!

Now, look through here, St. Arnaud.

Are your eyes better than mine?

Map.

There is the Great Redoubt up there

on the left...

...and to the right, the Lesser Redoubt.

Behind us is the road

leading to Sebastopol.

- That's where we were, weren't we, Airey?

- Yes.

Gentlemen, I propose that the French army

will attack the Russian left flank...

...at the West Cliff.

Get that newspaper correspondent away.

Ride him off somewhere.

We don't want the plans for our battle

published in today's Times, Airey.

You'll see nothing of the battle here.

It's all cocked hats and wind and liniments.

You should come off to the cavalry.

I can get permission for us

to ride with them.

They'll be put in, sure enough, presently.

I'll find you a horse.

The French will take the left flank...

...and the English

will go in at the front door...

... n'est-ce pas? Knock knock.

He's not well, you know.

You fellows. Fine fellows.

Good seat while my brave boys bleed.

Do we fight your battles for you?

Ls it that you'd have me put about?

Watch your places and your dressing...

...and slash into them.

Take from the drum, and at 'em, lads.

View halloa!

Ls that Sir George Brown down there?

Captain, my compliments to Sir George.

Would he stop

those confounded "view halloas"?

My horse expects to put up a fox

any moment.

William, now I could ride for ground.

Through the gates and over the walls

of Sebastopol. Will you join me?

- We'd not get up the slopes, Russell.

- I would.

He would, but he would be alone.

Yes, alone. Death loves a crowd.

Watch how death will pick out the crowds.

Death loves a crowd,

so do fools and funkers.

The swords are out, the pickets are in.

Do you feel it?

Will you join me?

They're making fools of us now.

Whoever is wounded, lie where he is

until a bandsman comes to him.

No soldier may go off

carrying wounded men.

If any man does such a thing, his name

shall be stuck up in his parish church.

Come! Advance!

- Lucan, you're a stew stick.

- Fetch off.

Poltroon.

Bum roll.

Draw your horse from round your ears,

and bring your head out of his arse.

My lord,

the cavalry are to advance at once.

No.

- Yes, they must.

- No.

The cavalry will escort the guns

on the road towards Sebastopol.

Lord Lucan to the left,

Lord Cardigan to the right...

...the guns in between.

Better safe than sorry

with those gentlemen, eh?

The cavalry may not attack,

but they may take prisoners.

I told you he wasn't well, Airey.

The Light Brigade will retire.

Threes right, walk march.

Henry, I didn't see anything.

My dear, there was nothing to see.

It was all a dreadful bore.

The cavalry were not used.

Peacock bastard!

Where were you and Lord Lucan?

Well?

I'm cold.

- What are you thinking?

- Thinking?

I was thinking, now, you see, William...

...Sebastopol, the object

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