The Comedians Page #10

I'm fed up with secrets.

I wish you'd sit or something.

Kneeling like that,

you make me feel like a priest.

Sorry.

What's that?

Just a cat.

What I said about Martha,

there wasn't a word of truth in it.

I've never had a woman in my life

I haven't paid for or promised to pay.

Martha said she'd been to bed with you.

Why, I don't believe you!

Those were her last words to me.

Oh, God.

I never realized.

She must be your girl.

Oh, you mustn't believe her, Brown.

I've always lied about women.

I've lied about everything I wanted.

You were never in Burma?

Well, I nearly was.

At lmphal in Assam, 50 miles away.

I managed a cinema there.

When the war came, they wouldn't

have me in the army because of flat feet.

But they gave me a sort of uniform

and put me in charge

of entertaining troops.

Not exactly in charge.

We had Noel Coward once.

How did the two of you get on?

I never actually spoke to him.

Frightened now?

I'm like a fireman at his first fire.

- I'm afraid I can't smuggle you back.

- Oh, I don't want to go back.

You don't know how awful I felt,

safe in lmphal.

I used to make friends with the officers,

introduce them to girls and so on.

Then they'd go off into Burma,

and I wouldn't see them again.

There was a chap called Charters,

who would smell water.

I never quite believed that story.

It wasn't me, but when he told me

about it, I felt sure I could do it, too.

It was like someone calling me

by my real name.

Which wasn't Jones?

Jones was on my birth certificate.

I saw it once.

My father went home before I was born.

He was a sergeant

in the Royal Welsh Fusiliers,

or so my mother said.

And she was Indian?

Or she had some Indian blood.

I never saw my birth certificate,

but I've always believed Brown to be true.

My mother preferred more fanciful names.

- I suppose I've shocked you.

- Oh, no, no.

You know, Jones, I've always liked you.

I never knew why until now.

There's not much to like.

Well, both come out of the same stable.

- Only you've kept your innocence.

- You're joking.

No.

I haven't told you the lot.

This identity bracelet, it isn't mine.

I got it off Charters

when he died of typhoid.

I altered the name after the war.

What's that mean?

It's an old church formula that means,

"Sleep well."

I'll watch a while.

I have to get back to the car at daylight.

Don't move.

Now get over there.

Stay quite still.

Where's Major Jones?

Jones? How would I know?

I was on my way to Cap Haitien.

My car broke down

on that bloody road of yours.

- Speak quietly.

- I know nothing of Jones.

Brown, old fruit,

have a bit of breakfast before you go.

Get back! Get back, you fool!

Run for it! Go on! Run! We're trapped!

This way, Major Jones.

This way.

Into the jeep.

Where is Magiot?

They murdered him yesterday

in the hospital.

Well, where is Jones?

You came about two minutes too late.

- They kill the best of us.

- Yes.

The men were waiting for him.

I told them, "You have an Englishman

coming to lead you, Major Jones.

"He was in Burma. He's fought the Japs.

He knows all the tricks of guerrilla war."

- It was true, wasn't it?

- Of course, of course.

When I left them, their morale was high.

If I bring them back a corpse,

they will lose all heart.

What are you going to do now, Brown?

Well, I'll have to get back

to Port-au-Prince somehow.

You can't. The first patrol which passes

will find these bodies.

Yes, yes, I'm cornered, aren't I?

My men are waiting for Major Jones.

For some reason, they believe

that white men

are the only true experts in killing.

I can drag the bodies out of road,

but they will find the jeep.

Now, look, Philipot, I'm no use to you.

I have no training.

I can't smell water any more than...

Anyway, I've never been in Burma

as he was,

and I don't wanna get mixed up

in your politics.

Was Magiot's death politics?

If you go back,

you die miserably and for nothing.

You have no choice, Brown.

"Major H.O. Jones, 5 Corps, lmphal."

After you, Major.

- What's this supposed to be?

- The closest we can come to liquid fire.

- It's full of petrol.

- Oh.

There's a Tonton post over there,

six kilometers off the slope of Kenscoff.

They have two Bren guns. We need them.

- Is that really Kenscoff?

- Yes.

Then Port-au-Prince is just behind.

We'll get back there one day.

- Do you plan to attack with this job lot?

- Yes.

Your rum punch, Monsieur Brown.

Major Jones, Joseph.

You better let me talk to them.

Don't try to discourage them.

How can I?

They don't understand a word of English.

Then what are you trying to do?

Satisfy myself, Philipot,

an itch to face things as they are.

My friends,

tomorrow we attack the Tontons.

We are crazy fools.

You don't know how to fight.

I don't know how to fight.

We are going against the Tontons

with a handful of shotguns

and machetes and a garden syringe.

A hotel keeper, a painter, a barman

and you, you stupid bastards,

the rabble of the cockpit and the slums.

My ragged regiment.

Petit Pierre.

I was afraid I'd be too late to see you.

There is great excitement in town.

What has happened now?

A Tonton post the other side of Kenscoff

was attacked yesterday.

Two men are dead.

- Tontons?

- No, rebels.

One was Joseph,

the barman at the Trianon.

Please...

And the other?

No one we know.

All passengers aboard, please.

Well, it is time to say goodbye.

Angelito.

It was brave of you to come and see us off.

My diplomatic friends kept away.

You will miss our public festivities.

They're hanging the two bodies

in the square tomorrow.

Joseph and the other one.

Flight 101, begin boarding, please.

Remember us.

I cannot forget.

Remember poor Haiti.

Strange to think

it's somewhere down there.

Is it...

Manuel, look, is that smoke?

No.

No, that's just cloud.

Captain Hockstader and his crew

welcome on board

the passengers

who've joined us at Port-au-Prince.

You can unfasten your safety belts

and smoke now.

No pipes or cigars, please.

Our flying time to Miami

will be one hour, 10 minutes.

English

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