The Comedy of Terrors Page #4

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sarcophagus of all eternity.

That's pretty good.

Very good, huh?

And so, my friends,

we find ourselves...

gathered 'round

the bier of Mrs...

Mr. You-Know-Who.

This litter of sorrow,

this can, this cromlech...

this dread dokhma,

this gut, this mastaba...

this sorrowing dope,

this unhappy cumulus...

this... this... what is the word?

This... coffin.

Never could think of that word.

Requiescat in pace,

Mister... Mister...

The memory of your good deeds...

will not perish with

your untimely sepulture.

In the hearts of those who

love you, you will live on.

Of all the tricky,

underhanded deceitfulness...

not to even tell us

that this thing...

is going to be put into a crypt

instead of into the ground.

Now we're gonna have

to buy another one...

for the... for the services.

I'll be very glad

to build a new one.

It's like parting

from an old friend.

Good-bye, old friend.

Maybe someday

we can exchange it.

And do what with the body?

Same as we always do,

take it out of the box.

But they'd see it.

No, I'm afraid we're just gonna

have to buy another casket...

and after having used

this one for only 13 years.

Only 13 years?

You know, I wonder what idiot...

ever thought of putting

bodies in a crypt...

instead of in the ground

where they belong.

Yeah, and they

fertilize plants, too.

What a terrible

thing to say. Shut up.

At least we have

some money coming in.

Yes, we have.

Did I say "we"?

No, never.

A good day to thee, sir.

And a good day to thee, sir.

Have thee a good sleep.

What place is this?

Ouch!

Oh, you're my angel.

- You're my angel.

- Well, ain't you classy.

I must. I must, I must.

Forbear, Felix.

Forbear, forbear.

I don't know what

that word means...

but I can't take it any longer.

I... I can't take it!

I'm so sensitive.

Mr. Trumbull?

Waldo?

Aren't you coming to bed...

husband?

Get outta here.

Waldo, don't be like that.

Get away from me!

Am I so repulsive?

That's the word, yes.

Couldn't you find it in your

heart to love me, Waldo?

- Well?

- Get up!

You're sittin' on my money.

Then you reject me?

As long as there's

liquor in the house.

Oh?

Very well.

Then I shall not answer

for the consequences then.

Very well.

"Then I shall not answer

for the consequences then."

What... what... what... what?

What is it?

He's so cruel, so thoughtless.

All he thinks about

is his bottle.

Never of me.

Pardon me.

Better take him upstairs.

Him?

Upst...

Felix...

Oh, Amaryllis!

Oh, darling!

Please, run away with me.

Be my wife. Be my love.

I'll let you study opera.

I'll let you study music,

anything, anything.

Oh, Felix. Oh, mon amour.

Everything is going

to be so magnifique.

Rain, rain, goeth thee away

Come thee again some other day

What manner of cry be that?

Do... do... do thee not

choose to sleep, sir?

Well, if thee insist...

perhaps thee have a reason

not to sleep, sir.

I'll ask thee.

Have thee patience,

have thee patience.

I'm comin'.

It's not customary that I waken

in the middle of the night.

For that, be grateful.

"Is this a dagger

that I see before me?

"The handle toward my hand?

"Come, let me clutch thee."

Now, we... we must have

a little talk, sir.

For thee too must sleep,

like all the others.

Out!

"Therefore Macbeth

shall sleep no more.

"I have done the deed.

"Didst thou not hear a noise?"

"The time has been that

when the brains were out...

"a man would die

and there's an end.

"But now..."

Felix, you've stolen my heart

Felix, we'll never part

Felix, Felix

Dites moi, dites moi

Dites moi, mon amour

Just like a nightingale.

"And therefore, Mr. Tremble..."

"Amaryllis and I have

fled into the night...

"driven onward by the madness...

"of our all-consuming passion.

"Felix."

Come in.

I said come in!

That's not the front door.

All right, all right,

I'm coming!

Don't be so impatient!

Someone there?

Anyone here? Come on out!

What are you grinning about?

You old goat.

Now, I'm sure that

that door was closed.

Something's been opening

doors around here.

But what?

Nice Cleopatra.

Dites moi...

C'est vous, Monsieur Gillie?

"Blood will have

blood, they say."

Get up.

"The devil damn thee black...

"thou cream-faced loon!

"Thy bones are marrowless,

and thy blood is cold!"

Wait for me.

Wait for me!

"Sleep no more!"

"Macbeth doth murder sleep!"

I thought he was dead.

He'll never die.

Oh, good work.

It's a little better

in the dark.

What is, decapitation?

"Painted upon a pole!"

"And underwrit!"

Would you let go of me?

Let go of me!

Go and find your own

hiding place. Go on.

"Lay on, Macduff!

"And damn'd be he who first

cries, 'Hold, enough! '

"Time, thou anticipatest

my dread exploits!"

"The flighty purpose

never is o'ertook...

"unless the deed go with it!"

Thank heavens he's gone.

You!

"Tomorrow and tomorrow

and tomorrow...

"creeps in this petty pace

from day to day...

"to the last syllable

of recorded time."

"And all our yesterdays..."

"Have lighted fools...

"the way to dusty death.

"Out...

"out, brief candle."

"Life's but a walking shadow..."

"A poor player...

"that struts and frets

his hour upon the stage...

"and then is heard no more."

That I'll believe when I see it.

"It is a tale...

told... by an idiot."

"Full of sound

and fury..."

"Signifying... nothing."

Well, if it was anyone else...

I'd think he was dead, but I...

Oh, Felix!

- Oh, mon coeur.

- What?!

- Oh, you've killed him.

- Me?

You've taken the one

really beautiful thing...

And you've killed this poor man.

Poor man? He tried

to chop your head off.

Monster!

- Go to bed.

- Go to bed?

I'll tell you where I'm going.

I'm going to the authorities.

I'll see you hang for this!

- Amaryllis, go to bed!

- Never!

- Go to bed, Amaryllis.

- You wouldn't dare!

Oh, no, of course not.

Well...

who's next?

Amaryllis?

You. You...

You killed her.

My rose and...

and she sang like a nightingale.

And I stilled the voice

of the nightingale.

You... you dirty man!

With my...

with my bare hands,

I'll kill you! I'll...

I've had enough for

one night. Go away!

Oh, put that down.

"An eye for an eye,"

Mr. Tremble.

- Trumbull.

- I said Tremble!

"And a tooth for a tooth!"

Give no quarter!

Take no prisoner!

Forward!

March!

Amaryllis!

Ouch! That hurt.

Oh, what a night.

May I?

Mr. Trumbull?

Oh, Mr. Trumbull,

Mr. Black was seen walking

through the streets!

Police!

Oh, to hell with it.

Police!

Well, if you can't

lick 'em, join 'em.

What a blow.

Amaryllis, I...

I thought you were dead.

And I thought you were dead.

Isn't that funny?

I... I thought you were dead,

and you thought I...

You will sing for me...

often.

Anybody there?

Speak up.

Everything seems to be in order.

Bedtime. What? What's that?

Trumbull?

What are you doing on the floor?

Drunk again?

Not feeling well.

What you need is a good dose

of your own medicine.

Keep it in your

waistcoat, don't you?

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