The Comfort of Strangers

My father was a very big man.

All his life he wore a black moustache.

When it turned grey

he used a little brush to keep it black,

such as ladies use

for their eyes - mascara.

Everyone was afraid of him.

My mother, my four sisters.

At the dining table you could not speak

unless spoken to first by my father.

But he loved me.

I was his favourite.

I want to call England.

Yes, I want to call England.

No, it's not London.

It's not London.

It's in Sussex. Hastings in Sussex.

You know the code.

You got it for me yesterday.

Well, someone did, yes.

Quattro cinque otto due sei uno.

Hastings, Sussex.

Oh, God!

Can't read this damn book. It's...

It's unreadable.

Can't even bind the bloody thing properly.

Come on, let's go out.

- I'm trying to get through to the children.

- All right. Answer.

Hello. Yes.

Mother, hello!

Yes, lovely.

Yes, absolutely. How are they?

Are they...?

Yes, lovely.

Hello, darling, it's Mummy.

How are you?

Is Cathy there?

Incredible, isn't it?

I think the St Augustine is incredible.

So...

- I don't know.

- Mm. You thought that the last time.

What do you mean?

You thought that the last time

we were in Venice, remember?

Did I?

- Well, so what?

- Nothing, I'm just...

What's the point of saying that?

Why did you say that?

- I didn't mean it as an insult.

- Christ.

- I'm making an observation.

- What observation?

I'm simply pointing out

you haven't changed your mind.

Anyway, I agree with you.

I think it's incredible too.

Sh*t!

What is it?

Look.

Got another pimple.

Tsk! The giris won't love you any more.

- I must need more salt or something.

- What?

I must need to eat more salt or something.

You don't need salt, you need sex.

Hmph!

- Could I have it with salt?

- Why not?

God! Don't they know I'm trying to shave?

Hello?

Yes, he is. Hold on a minute.

It's Simon.

What?

I'm only halfway through the bloody thing.

It's unreadable anyway.

This is supposed to be my holiday.

- Those two. Thank you.

- Ventimila.

Ecco una.

This one's for Jack.

- Ecco la seconda.

- And this is for Cathy. What do you think?

They'll be thrilled.

I'm going to do a little drawing of Cathy.

With spots.

And I'm going to do

a little drawing of Jack.

For Jack.

Jacko.

- What do you think?

- Fantastic. You're a genius.

Grazie.

Hold it.

Oh, come on. Smile!

- Would you take a photograph of us?

- Avec plaisir.

Thank you.

Tiens-moi a.

Voil.

Thank you.

My youngest sisters, Alice and

Lisa, came to me in the garden and said:

"Robert, Robert,

come to the kitchen quickly."

"Eva and Maria have a treat for you."

Cathy's been selected

for the football team.

- What football team?

- The school football team. What else?

- Don't you think it's dangerous?

- Not really.

Tell me something.

Tell me the truth. Do you like children?

- What children?

- My children.

I like your children.

No, what I mean is,

do you actually like children?

- You mean all children?

- Children. Do you actually like children?

You mean as such?

The species as such?

What I mean is...

The real truth is...

you don't like children.

What you mean is,

you think I don't like your children.

What about me?

Do you like me?

I like you.

And you know why?

No, why?

I like you because you're always

asking me such challenging questions.

You're always testing my intellect.

Did I ever tell you the terrible thing that

happened to me when I was a little girl?

The worst thing

that ever happened to me?

No, you didn't tell me.

Well, I was about seven or eight and...

there was this gang of kids,

boys and giris, and we were this gang.

One day...

some of them said "One member of this

gang isn't good enough to be a member."

"Does everyone agree that

we should throw this person out?"

And I said "Yes." I clapped.

Clapped?

Yes.

I clapped. I said

"Yes, throw this person out."

And you know who that person was?

You.

Yes.

That's terrible.

That's a terrible story.

Up at dawn for you and into a speedboat.

Where shall we go?

Where can we go?

Murano. They blow beautiful glass.

Very nice.

Murano! Lovely.

- What time's dawn?

- Dawn, signore?

Daybreak.

A speedboat to Murano at daybreak.

And on the table were two big

bottles of lemonade, a cream cake,

two packets of cooking chocolate,

a big box of marshmallows.

And Maria said

"Look, darling. This is all for you."

Colin?

Find anything?

Isn't this beautiful?

What do you think?

And Maria said "Look, darling.

This is all for you."

Are you asleep?

Mary, it's late.

- What is it?

- We haven't had any dinner.

What time is it?

Late.

Will Padovani's be open?

- Or what about...?

- No. It's quite late.

Too late. All closed.

But I know a very good bar.

Late-night bar.

Nice sandwich. Good drinks.

Very nice place. Very easy to find.

- All right. We'll have to take a map.

- All out. It's my only one, sorry.

- Let me look.

- Here. You see? Very nice.

You go straight out of here.

Turn and take a right.

Then you turn and take a right.

Right there.

Right. Thanks.

- Look, this way.

- How do you know?

What do you think?

- Yes, there we are.

- No. It's definitely this way.

I'm sorry, but it is.

- This way?

- All right.

Colin...

What's that?

Look at that bed.

- She reminds me of someone.

- It's like a space shuttle.

What do you think? Where are we?

Is this right?

Yes, definitely.

- Look at all this.

- Collettivo Femminista Venezia.

- Women are so radical here.

- I wish we had a map.

They want convicted rapists castrated.

See this building?

We've been past this building

about ten minutes ago.

Quite right too.

- What is?

- To castrate rapists.

What was that man doing?

Glass at this time of night?

- Come on.

- Very strange.

- I'm starving.

- I think we're on the right track.

So do I.

Good evening. You need help?

Well...

We're looking for a place

to get something to eat.

There's nothing in that direction, but I can

show you a very good place that way.

- Isn't there a bar just over there?

- No. Everything is closed.

- My name is Robert.

- Hello.

- Like to eat some beautiful food?

- We'd love to.

I'll show you this place.

You must both be terribly hungry.

All right. Let's go.

This is Mary. I'm Colin.

- You're English?

- Yes.

Whereabouts?

Mary's from Bristol and I'm from London.

Beautiful country.

- Your first trip here?

- We came three years ago.

- Two years ago.

- Two.

- Changed much, has it?

- Mm...

These posters are everywhere.

These are women who can't find a man.

They want to destroy everything

that's good between men and women.

They don't know what they want.

This way.

- Ciao, ragazzi. Come va?

- Bene, grazie.

It's very easy to get lost.

Often there's a dead end or a canal.

It's not far.

Buona ser, Robert.

Please.

Monica. Jocelyn. a va.

This way, please.

It's the real Venice.

Excuse me.

There's no food. I'm sorry.

The cook is sick.

It's a tragedy. I could kill him.

Very sorry.

But this is a wonderful wine.

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