The Cosmonaut Page #2

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A few years ago,

I would have said back, for sure.

Now I'm not so certain.

I'm scared to death, you know?

I don't recall having dreams before.

There was a small crystalline pond

There was a small crystalline pond

blue, red,

and silver colors.

And all was bathed by the sun

in such an intense way

Everything was normal

except there was a lack of atmosphere.

The tree, the pool...

everything floated adrift in space.

I was impressed

to see the stars so clearly.

Let's show the cards.

Don't be shy boy.

Friends of friends are always welcomed.

Let's see what you got.

Tell them the story

you told me and Vladimir the other day.

Ok...

So my parents run a collective farm

producing wheat and potatoes,

I was very young,

to look after the labourers.

We had this one worker who...

He is the laziest human

being you've ever seen in your life.

From Moldavia!

- From Moldavia!

And the guy answered, "Yes, I would".

But here comes the best part,

tell them what you answered.

So I said "Ok, you're fired".

Well I know somebody,

who definitely should be fired.

Come on, don't be shy.

Alexander Illich, say the name: Mishin.

Yeah...

F***ing bureaus are gonna be sh*t.

Not that Glushko's

is looking any better.

Ever since these little bastards

beat us in the moon

When is the Almaz gonna be launch?

That would give the Americans

something to talk about.

Two to three years...

at least.

So Chelomei is not working on

his lunar project anymore?

You keep your boy

well informed, don't you?

That project is dead, kid!

Being second is a disgrace.

- King of spades.

I disagree.

Are we playing cards or are we talking?

Let's play and drink.

Come on, no more politics. Ah, play.

I wonder what it's like not to see.

Blind people. You know they can hear things

we can even imagine

Of you go!

Andrei, you're spoiling them again.

Come. I have something to tell you.

Andrei...

I'm going to retire.

- Really? Why?

I don't want to bother you with the reasons.

I don't want to talk about it

But I do want you to finally meet Chelomei.

He's put together an impressive team.

His designs are light years ahead

of the ones that Koroliov was working on

and the ones that Mishin is working on now.

N1 is a dead project,

but you know, my friend,

everything is politics, hum?

Maybe one day you can change that.

I've told him, that he can trust you.

He can depend on you.

That you're his man in Star City,

am I right?

am I right?

Of course.

Thank you.

I remember you telling me

something about atoms...

Twin quantum particles

that resonated together,

no matter where they were in the universe.

Paradise number four were your lips...

exhaling a breath that steamed

into the air in successive repetitions.

And the sun was setting...

I remember that well.

Come on, come on, it's open!

Ahh, something smells good in here.

Put some music on. Have you got my milk?

It's amazing.

Oh, yes please.

- No, no, no, no, no.

Can I have a little bit?

You've been promoted again.

- Aren't you going to congratulate me?

I'm too bored!

- Come on, at least a kiss!

At least a kiss for a star.

This looks yummy!

Can I help?

- No, no, you can...

You know, you never put enough salt.

- Here.

Off!

Yeah...

- No, no, not this one.

Sit down, sit down.

- Ok, I'm going, I'm going.

Ah, let's take some of this.

- That piece right there has my name on it.

Please sir...

Well let's pour for everyone first.

I've got reports to finish,

and I have to go.

No Stas, the reports can wait.

No rest for the wicked.

- Oh, come on.

I'd love staying but thank you.

So...

I've got you something

to celebrate my promotion.

Andrei, I...

- Look, ok, just...

just take it. Alright?

For me.

I'm so glad you're alive.

They told me today I'm gonna see again.

Hey, that's great news! What did I tell you?

You know, we were doing free-fall today.

it's incredible feeling

having your body suspended on the air.

You're gonna love it.

No, I'm not going to love it.

I'm not going to love it

because I'm not gonna do it.

They're not gonna let me fly anymore Stas.

I'm not gonna be a cosmonaut

and I'm not going to space ever.

You don't know that.

I'm sorry but... look at it this way...

sometimes you know, maybe you have to

lose your wings to fly a little bit higher.

F***... You really think

you can say that to me right now

I'm not going to space ever, alright?

It's not gonna f***ing happen.

There is gonna be everything

I spent my f***ing life planning for

f***ed.

Gagarin, Titov, Leonov,

not f***ing Vasiliev.

They're not gonna know my name!

- Is that what this is about, right?

Is this what this is about for you?

- About being someone?

I could have been somebody Stas,

but I am a f***ing failure.

Hey, hey, listen to me...

this life is about living, not about

posterity, not about history books.

It's about doing the best thing you can.

F*** off.

- Right now, you're being pathetic.

Mihailov Alexander Ivanovich,

Volkov Alexei Pablovich,

Limchuck Piotr Ilich,

Vasutich Vladimir Vladimirovich,

Mihailov Stas Arsenievich,

Arseni Alexander Artemyev.

Congratulations and welcome

to the cosmonaut fraternity.

As I fell off I thought of a welcome.

Secretly, I also imagined national dances

and beautiful women.

I thought about the hurrays

and the solemn celebrations.

But they weren't there.

I remember

a naked fists fight with a boy.

He liked a girl.

I liked her too.

We never mentioned the subject again.

Even though we continued being friends.

Private?

Ah, it's good to see you. Feels like

it's been ages. - It's been two weeks.

With the launch preparations

I haven't got a spare minute.

I forgot you're so important these days.

How is it working at the OKB- 52?

It's amazing. I can't believe

I'm working with Chelomei. You?

I'm ok, can't complain.

How's your cousin?

I can always write you

some leave if you wanna go visit her.

No that's ok. It's too far.

You can tell her from me

that she still owes me that date.

You are like a dog on heat.

What's it with you and women?

Isn't one enough?

I just have a thirst

that can't be quenched, comrade.

How's the move going?

Be ended by the end of next week.

It's almost finished. What about you?

You gonna spend the rest of your life

in this poky little dorm room?

You're joking right?

It's the most comfortable place on Earth.

And soon, thanks to you,

I'll be heading for the stars.

- Now he's a poet!

When I woke up, in the dream,

the only thing that remained

from this planet was a faint light

a light prior to the instants,

something primeval... very... basic.

I remembered some words:

"I had been able to

glimpse the brain's autumn,

"the last scene of reason,

"and then a light that froze my blood. "

Paradise one were two seagulls

that flew over the water.

Paradise two were a cluster of clouds

in the northern east skies.

Yesterday I sensed a strange presence.

There was no one there but I still felt it.

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