The Cottage Page #2

Synopsis: In a remote part of the countryside, a bungled kidnapping turns into a living nightmare for four central characters when they cross paths with a psychopathic farmer and all hell breaks loose.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Horror
Production: Screen Gems
  4 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.1
Rotten Tomatoes:
72%
UNRATED
Year:
2008
92 min
194 Views


No, you can speak to her

in a second.

No, the amount is 100,000!

We would like you to put the money

in a bag and give it to your son.

He is to drive alone

to Fleet services on the M3

and wait next to the men's toilets.

Make sure you

don't send no one else.

Terrible double negative.

Doesn't make sense.

If anything goes wrong

or someone is with him,

your stepdaughter is a dead girl.

You've got two hours.

Yeah, you can, yeah.

Yeah, I'm all right.

From the house.

No, they seem like

a bunch of f***ing morons.

One of them's called David.

And they're a pair of hopeless c*nts...

Right, you bastard,

we will hurt her if you

don't give us what you want!

What we want!

Big mistake.

No one has ever hit me

in the whole of my f***ing life.

You don't know

who my father is, do you?

Do you know what he'll do

to you and David here

when he finds out who you are?

Every member

of your queer-boy family

will be in wheelchairs

for the rest of their f***ing lives

because they'll have no knees left

because me dad

will cut them out with an axe!

Then they'll get you,

and then they'll kill you,

and they'll kill

your family and friends!

You're a f***ing moron.

Why? I said what you

wanted me to, didn't I?

Because, moron, the reason

I got you to talk in the first place

was because I didn't want

anyone to know

it was me who

was keeping her hostage!

Now, that plan falls to sh*t

if you start using my name!

- Did I use your name?

- You f***ing did.

Sorry. It's hard to concentrate when

you're having your life threatened!

It was the first f***ing thing you said!

You're never satisfied, are you?

You turn up out of the blue,

begging for my help

in something completely illegal.

You're not doing this out of charity,

you self-righteous f***!

I want that house,

and I want you out of it!

I will take Mum's house,

and I will make you f***ing eat it!

What the hell's going on?

David, it's dark.

F***ing relax.

The meter's run out.

I've only just put money in.

This is ridiculous.

What kind of a place still has a meter?

Right.

Let's see how long this lasts.

In you go, Andrew.

Seems like some idiots

have made the mistake

of kidnapping your stepsister.

Son... I've got a job for you.

He's leaving now.

Hello.

David.

Yes. I'm very near.

Yes, I've got the bag next to me.

Hang on.

Look, David, I think this phone's

gonna die on me any second.

Oh, no.

I am f***ing rich!

I didn't know you had a brother.

Nobody does.

That's why I used him.

- Hello.

- Hello.

I brought these to celebrate.

Peter, brother dearest, this is it.

I earn 50,000 pounds,

and Mum's house is all yours.

God, you made it work!

You bloody did it!

We did it.

50,000 pounds. I'll be free.

I'll never have to live

in East Sheen again.

I'll have my own independence.

What's it look like?

I don't know.

I didn't look inside.

What?

I didn't check it.

No!

Maybe that f*** face

look in the bag.

Probably should have checked it.

Yes, you f***ing should.

What does this mean, David?

It means that the money

isn't in the f***ing bag,

is it, Andrew?

It means that your dad

probably has a good f***ing idea

that you are involved.

Sorry. What shall we do?

Were you followed?

By a car?

I don't think so.

This changes everything.

I still want the house.

That's the deal.

That happens when I get the money.

That's the deal.

I knew it, backstabber!

The minute you asked me

to get involved,

I should have handcuffed

myself to the house!

I said when I get the money

you could have

my half of the house.

I never mentioned a bag of tissues!

This Arnie knows.

He could have thugs at my house!

He doesn't even care,

he doesn't even know.

He doesn't even know

who the f*** you are!

The only person he knows

is involved is him!

You told me this would be simple.

I can't believe I listened

to you again, again!

Just give me two minutes!

It's only just happened.

I'll make it work, Peter.

I'll believe it when I see it.

I'm going outside for a cigarette,

and after that I might just

bloody well go home!

David?

Have you got a bottle opener?

You'd better disappear

from my presence

or I'm likely to hurt you.

I'm going to take a look at Tracey.

I don't care.

Just let me alone.

I take it while you

were being a f***ing idiot

you remembered a mask?

Yes, I got one on the way here.

Great, now get out.

David?

I've picked up the wrong kind.

Get out of my f***ing sight now.

Sorry.

There's some bald f*** outside.

Some bald f*** here.

You recognize his ass?

Never see this mother before.

Okay.

Tracey is alive.

You go and see who in there.

Arnie want to know right now.

I cut them the f*** up.

Go and look in the house!

Then you can cut this fool.

We don't need his ass no more.

You see this cleaver?

No, please, no!

When I get back,

me, you go play big time, baby.

Real nice.

No, no!

What's that? A boat?

No, it's a lemon tree.

It's mine.

I'm getting on it, and I am

f***ing off away from all of this.

A hoodlum running away

from his underworld pals

to get on a boat

and lead a simple life.

How bloody original.

Well, you want me gone, don't you,

so you can live happily ever after

with that fat pig of a wife of yours?

At least I have a wife, David.

So you agree she's a fat pig?

No, I bloody don't!

Unlike you, I like the stability

of having a partner.

A controller, just like Mum.

I couldn't help it

if Mum loved me more.

I know you hate me for that.

Couldn't really give a sh*t

who she loved.

She still gave me half the house.

Charity was always her weak spot.

Just stop talking

for two seconds, will you?

Don't worry, I will.

Nothing more to say.

I'm smoking too much

because of you!

I can see you.

Peter, I need

your bank account number.

Why?

We're going to have to get

him to do a bank transfer.

- Why can't we use your account?

- I don't have one, do I?

I only use cash.

I don't have one either.

Why don't you have one?

Me and Rebecca

share a joint account.

You've got a bank card.

What's the number on it?

I don't know the number.

Rebecca looks after the card.

God, I should've known.

Andrew, tell me,

have you got a bank account?

- Yes.

- Fantastic. What's the number?

I don't know.

What are we gonna do

if we don't have an account?

I've got an account we can use.

Oh, great. Whose?

Mum's.

What?! That is supposed

to be shut down!

Well, I didn't get round to it.

And a good job, too.

You f***er, you're dragging

Mum into criminal activity.

I won't allow it!

It's a simple as that!

It's either that

or no money and no house.

You're blackmailing me

and dirtying Mum.

What if they trace the details

back to Mum's account?

Well, it doesn't matter, does it?

'Cause she's dead.

You bastard, David!

Peter, I didn't mean

to say that... really.

Look, if we don't get the money,

then all this

will have been for nothing.

That boat is my dream,

and Mum's house is yours.

We're both risking a lot here.

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Paul Andrew Williams

Paul Andrew Williams is a British film writer and director, born in Portsmouth, England in 1973. He won the New Director's Award for his film London to Brighton in the 2006 Edinburgh International Film Festival. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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