The Crossing Guard Page #4

- Don't worry about it, man.

I've got a sailor

in every port.

- Do you know where we're goin'?

- Yeah, I got, I got directions.

Oh, grand.

So, John,

you know, there's women

and there's ladies.

- Jojo's a lady.

- Yep.

- So, did you f*** her?

- What do you do with information like this?

What do you think I do? You see

the way I live. Counting angry lovers.

Watching bad cartoons.

Gotta give me somethin'.

Hey!

You're it!

Come on, boys.

Let's go.

And now I'd like to introduce

our next artist from Steubenville, Ohio.

I'm tellin' you that so tonight

you go home and hump your map.

Dah, dah, dah, dah.

"Beautiful girls. "

You go in there,

you're gonna fall in love.

My wife...

is a beautiful woman.

I met her in the sun.

S- Sun, sun.

Sunny sun.

I could never

fall in love at night.

You wanna dance

with the muchachas?

Twenty-one dollars.

Did you call

the police?

No.

No?

Do you wanna die?

I don't know.

Did you see her die?

No.

I was drunk.

I didn't know

what happened.

I just felt a bump.

And when I stopped, I knew something

had happened. I just didn't know.

She was lying

in the street...

all torn up.

And I could see her...

moving a little bit.

Her mouth

was kind of moving.

I thought she was

talking to someone.

You know,

someone

who wasn't there.

You know, someone...

like her mother,

her father.

When I got up to her,

I, uh,

I kinda knelt down,

and she wasn't talkin'

to someone else.

She was talkin' to me.

She was apologizing to me.

She was apologizing

for not having looked both ways.

And there were some people who were...

gathering around there.

Somebody called

for an ambulance, so I-

They found me on the Interstate.

I'd gone up north.

I just got in my car

and I drove until I ran out of gas.

You have

such a beautiful face.

The way your eyes

slope.

- Like a little puppy.

- I'm sorry.

Don't say that.

I think...

that your guilt...

is a little too much

competition for me.

You should let me know...

when you want life.

You are such

an a**hole.

Where did you go?

I mean, like, what do you think?

Like you can just get up and go

in the middle of the night...

and go your merry f***ing way, and then

stumble back in here like it's not rude?

Like I don't have

any feelings.

And this means...

I have no emotions...

and I'm a whore.

And I liked you.

You know, I don't f***

many guys. You know?

Goal!

Who is it?

It's John.

What's goin' on?

What is guilt?

What?

You said guilt.

My guilt, my guilt.

What is guilt?

Define it.

Do you wanna dance?

Let's dance.

# Ooh, yeah, Ooh #

# Yeah-ah, oh #

- # All right #

- # Ooh, yeah-ah #

# Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man

What a mighty good man #

# Let's sing it now #

# Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man

What a mighty good man #

# He's a mighty, mighty

good man #

# Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man

What a mighty good man #

# Yes he is #

# Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man

What a mighty good man #

# I wanna take a minute or two

and give much respect #

# To the man that's made

a difference in my world #

# And although most men are hos

he goes on the down, no #

# 'Cause I never heard about him

with another girl #

# But I don't sweat it because it's

just pathetic to let it #

# Get me involved in that

"he said, she said" crap #

# I know there ain't

nobody perfect #

# And although most men are hos

he goes on the down, no #

# 'Cause I never heard about him

with another girl #

# But I don't sweat it because it's

just pathetic to let it #

# Get me involved in that

"he said, she said" crap #

# I know there ain't

nobody perfect #

# I give props to those

who deserve it #

# And believe me, y'all

He's worth it #

# So here's to the future

'cause we got through the past #

# I finally found somebody

that could make me laugh #

# You're so crazy

I think I wanna have your baby #

# Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man

What a mighty good man #

- # Yes he is #

- You keep dancin'.

# Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man

What a mighty good man #

# Yeah, a mighty good man #

# Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man

What a mighty good man #

# Say it again now #

# Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man

What a mighty good man ##

# Woke up #

# To find #

# I'd lost my mind #

# Lost heart #

# Lost nerve #

# I lost my favorite word #

# Emily #

# I take my cigarettes

I give 'em a smoke #

# Oh, God

my heart feels froze #

# I've lost somethin' #

# It seems I misplaced

my favorite thing #

# Emily ##

Our next entertainer, our next performer,

a wonderful artist here from Selma, Alabama.

Let's have a great big welcome

for Mia! Let's hear it.

# On the good ship

Lollipop #

This is what I hate.

I hate this f***in' number.

It takes her four or five minutes to get the

flash off her for me to see a little titty.

And in the meantime,

I've gotta listen to this music.

I hate this f***in' number!

I like it.

He likes it.

- It's traditional.

- Oh, traditional!

Without tradition,

new things die.

"New things die"?

The son of a b*tch

is a poet!

A jeweler poet.

First goddamn jeweler poet I ever saw.

Oh, yeah. A Jew jeweler poet.

Listen,

I'll kill the guy.

You what? What the hell are you

talking about? Hey, did you hear that?

- What?

- He's gonna kill some guy.

- Who you gonna kill, Freddy?

- Nothing!

- Freddy!

- I missed something. What's he talkin' about?

Come dance with me!

Yeah! Yeah!

That's it.

Yeah!

Come on, Freddy!

Come on, Freddy,

dance with Mia.

Go on, Freddy. Go on.

Dance with the f***in' whore.

Go for it!

Go for it!

# If you eat too much

Oh, oh #

# You'll awake

with a tummy ache #

# On the good ship Lollipop

It's a nice trip ##

Whoo!

Freddy, come on!

Mmm.

You tickled me!

Stop. Wait, wait, wait.

I really wanna f*** you.

Stop!

First I gotta play you

this song I wrote. Okay?

Song?

Gimme that bottle.

Oh.

Okay. I hope you like this

'cause I wrote this just for you.

Don't let me go to sleep.

I got business tonight.

# Four little ducks went out one day #

# Over the hills

and far away #

# Mama duck said #

# Quack, quack

quack, quack #

# But only... three little ducks

came back ##

# If you could only

look and see #

# To the chains #

# Surrounding you Mmm #

# You're the one that holds the key #

# And you don't have

to make me a copy, ahh #

# Oh, you are just the earth #

# I am just the sky #

# And when you leave

I won't ask why #

# I'll take our nights

and say good-bye #

Chorus.

# Freddy and Mia #

# Freddy and Mia #

# Freddy and Mia ##

- Hello?

- Mary, it's Freddy.

- Freddy?

- Mary, please don't hang up. Please.

- Where are you, Freddy?

- I need-

- What?

- I'm fallin' apart, honey.

- Freddy, what's the matter?

- I just had this f***ing dream.

What?

It's sunny outside

and I'm driving my car and it,

it feels real big

like it's driving me.

And I'm driving past Em's school,

the elementary school.

And there's a crosswalk.

And all these little kids

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