The Curse of the Jade Scorpion Page #12

You know, behind--

underneath all those nasty remarks...

is a very vulnerable,

sweet, sexy woman.

But don't ever let it come out,

because, you know, you could

run the risk of being happy,

and I know that would kill ya.

Chris and I plan

on being very happy.

Your instinct told you

he would never leave his wife.

My instincts are good,

but they're not infallible.

So this was one where I was wrong.

Have a-- Have a terrific

rest of your life...

and try not to jump

out of any windows.

Make sure the elevator's there

before you get in,

because I heard of a man who plunged

15 stories and wound up a vegetable.

I'll let that pass

'cause this is good-bye.

- That's what she said--

- Hey, Briggsie, I was just tellin' 'em.

You quit, I go with ya.

[John] That's right. C.W., you are

our hero. This was a tough nut to crack.

No, this was all luck.

If George didn't know

magic or hypnosis,

you know,

I never would have known anything.

It's an amazing thing.

You can actually put somebody

under and then force them to do

the most outrageous things.

That is absolutely wrong.

A person will not do

anything under hypnosis that

they wouldn't do in real life.

- Is that true?

- Yeah.

- What Are you saying?

Th- Th-That I'm, at heart, a thief?

Well, we know there's

a little bit of larceny in you.

I mean, you're the one who's always

saying it takes one to catch one.

Oh, well, there's also a little bit

of larceny in Miss Fitzgerald.

I mean, that was kind of a shock.

- There's a lot of surprises in her,

- it turns out.

- Hey, come here.

Hey.

Hey.

You got a little crush

on her, don't ya?

- Who? Fitzgerald? What, Are you--

- [ Cackling ]

- What Are you talking about?

- Well, come on. I've always known it.

You can't hate somebody that much

without there being...

at least a little bit of attraction

underneath it all.

- Says who?

- It's my instinct. Against all logic.

Come on, Briggsie. You were the one

who taught me to trust it.

I think I'm in love with her, but I--

It's the stupidest thing that's ever

happened to me. It's embarrassing.

Yeah, well, uh, you better take

the bull by the horns.

She's out of here in about

three minutes. Look.

She's out of here in about

three minutes. Look.

Go!

Miss Fitzgerald, [ Clears Throat]

marry me.

- What?

- I guess C.W.'s had a few.

- Pretty early for that, don't you think?

- I've had a little tequila, but--

Otherwise I wouldn't have

the nerve to say this.

I'm in love with you.

I want you to marry me.

Mr. Briggs, you're embarrassing me.

You don't want to spend the rest of

your life with the wrong person...

- when it's me you really love.

- C.W., you're making her uncomfortable.

Whatever could make you think

I could, in my wildest dreams,

think of you that way, you--

Yeah, I know. " Nearsighted little

cockroach, " or something like that.

But can't you see the venom under that?

That's the beauty.

Betty, let's go.

C.W. leave here at once.

I think your idea of moving

on professionally wasn't so crazy.

Hey, look, I'm opening up to you.

I'm putting my heart in your hands.

I've been difficult because

I feared you, just like you feared me.

Because underneath, we know this is

the real thing, and it terrifies us.

Yes, I fear you.

You and Boris Karloff.

- [ Sighs ]

- Out of the way, C.W.

Your heroics do not entitle you

to be an obnoxious boor.

How can a man confessing love

be an obnoxious boor?

[ Scoffs ]

I'm afraid Betty and I have big plans,

and they don't include you.

I- I-- You wanna spend the rest of

your life married to the wrong guy?

What makes you think I'd marry you

even if I wasn't gonna marry him?

- Stop talking about me

- like I'm not here.

- Because it's me you love.

[ Scoffs ] You are too old for me.

You are too nearsighted for me.

- You're too short for me.

- You're leaving out the best part.

- I'm also losing my hair.

- All right, C.W. Good-bye.

- And I mean for good.

- Wait-- Wait a minute.

[ Stammering ] Betty Ann.

Betty Ann, where Are you going?

- Madagascar?

- Someone call the plane

and tell them we might be late.

You go ahead, Chris.

I'm staying here.

[Magruder]

What?

I'm staying with C.W.

We have an announcement to make.

Betty Ann, you have

a crazy look in your eye.

I've never felt

so normal in my life.

I can't guarantee that every time

I kiss you there's gonna be fireworks.

I think I fell in love with you

the first second I laid eyes on you.

I want this woman helped!

Get an ambulance!

Uh, Miss Burke. Call my wife's attorney.

Have him halt the separation.

- I see trouble on the horizon.

- Don't worry, Mr. Magruder.

She'll take you back. There'll be a few

new ground rules, but you can adapt.

- Gosh, so much passion

- in a lousy insurance office.

- I know.

- No kiddin'.

- You never know.

Hey. Congratulations.

A little, uh,

going- away present forya.

So, should we...

get out of here and find someplace where

we can start making up for lost time?

How about my place?

I think I can live with that.

Um, God bless everyone,

and, uh, God bless Tiny Tim.

- Shall we?

- Good luck, you two.

Hey, so, what's gonna happen

when she, you know,

wakes up and she's back

to her old self?

Guess the first word out of his mouth

every morning has to be " Madagascar. "

My gosh, who'd have thunk it.

Hey, what a break for C.W.

that in all the commotion...

you forgot to deprogram

Miss Fitzgerald, huh?

What are you talking about?

I didn't forget anything.

I deprogrammed her last night.

You don't have to worry.

I'll never leave you.

It's something you don't even

have to think about.

Tell me how you feel about me.

You're the most wonderful man

in the world-- the handsomest,

the most brilliant, the sexiest.

You know, someday I'm gonna

make you feel those things.

Just, just really feel them.

Anything's possible.

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