The Curse of the Jade Scorpion Page #2

- [ Exhales ]

Look, I don't think you know

what you're talking about.

I think you came in here

like a steamroller--

You felt threatened by me

from the first day I got on this job.

Not only was I an efficiency

expert and a challenge to your

little state within a state,

but I'm not one of those windup dolls

you can tickle at the water cooler.

I'm smarter than you. I'm faster.

I can see right through you.

You're right to feel threatened by me.

I... am threatened by you?

It's fascinating, as a female

executive, how many men I meet

with a fragile masculinity.

A fragile masculinity?

You make one more crack about

my religion, and woman or no woman--

- I have to go.

- Hey, listen, honey,

- let me level with you here.

Despite all your high falutin talk

about streamlining the office,

what you really need is

a good old-fashioned roll in the hay.

Ha! You wouldn't know

which end is up.

Well, in your case,

it would be hard to tell.

Don't bother seeing me to the door.

Someone might think we're together.

- Why? Do I look like an organ grinder?

- No, just an organ.

- So the drink didn't smooth things out.

- No, not exactly.

You better get used to her,

'cause she's here to stay.

There's something about that broad that

I don't trust. She's got an evil streak.

We got a reservation for 8:00

at the Rainbow Room for George's 50th.

That'll be fun.

We'll split a cab uptown.

C.W. I'm not going to have time to go

home to change, so does this look okay?

Sweetheart, no matter how bad

the economy gets, you will never starve.

Good.

Oh, wait. Come here.

Miss Fitzgerald? Okay, take a card.

You gotta see this, Fitz.

All right, that's a six of hearts.

- That's amazing. How'd you do that?

- It's magic.

- He could do it all afternoon.

- I want you to teach me.

Mr. Magruder, I'll have that report

for you first thing in the morning.

Fine. Are you coming to celebrate

George Bond's birthday with us tonight?

Not really.

I'm up to my neck in work.

Why don't you come?

It'll be fun. George is a great guy.

Most of the personnel

here seems very nice.

The only one that gives me

the dry heaves is Briggs.

C.W.? He's cracked a lot of cases.

Of course, I don't see how.

Such a drone.

Gets his tips from street contacts

like ex-cons and blind beggars.

There's something about him

I don't trust.

- Any examples?

- Many.

He's smarmy with those office wisecracks

and double-meaning jokes.

I mean, who is he, really?

He's this shallow,

skirt- chasing egomaniac who's

probably more lucky than good.

Sometimes it's better to be lucky.

I think you're being too rough on him.

It's more that he's just

kind of a schnook whos more

insecure than anything else.

He's got no wife, no family.

Well, he was married.

Short and stormy. Picked a tramp.

- That's a surprise.

- Excuse me, fellas.

Come tonight.

It'll give us a chance to be together,

and I have the perfect excuse at home--

an employee's birthday.

- How much longer is this gonna go on?

- Not longer, Betty Ann.

I'll be free by the end of the year,

and then we can be together openly.

You love me, but you spend

all the important holidays with her.

Life can get so damn complicated

when you think it's simple.

Come tonight.

So we can eye each other and steal

touches and play little games in code?

Yes, that's part of the romance.

Someday we'll be able to look back

and know that at one time in public...

when one of us brought up the subject of

Paris, it meant at that very moment...

that we were dying to make love

with one another.

- You're such an adolescent.

- But cute?

[ Chattering, Laughing ]

- Look at this.

- Oh! Oh!

Happy birthday, George.

Here's to George Bond,

insurance man, father.

- Amateur magician.

- Please, no card tricks tonight, huh?

- Happy 50th, George.

- Thank you.

Everyone, I'd like to make

a toast to C.W. Briggs.

Thanks to you, the police now have

the stolen Picasso in their possession.

- Attaboy, C.W.

- C.W.!

By the way, where'd you come up with

the idea of looking in the telescope?

What I do is I put myself

in the criminal's position.

I try and anticipate what would he

do next, what his next move would be.

- I think like him.

- That's fantastic.

I would hate to have me after me.

- [ Group Laughing]

- [Woman ] Very good, very good.

What are you thinking, Mr. Magruder?

You look lost in reverie.

Sorry. I was thinking about

a column I read in the paper...

about all these Germans occupying Paris.

- Yeah, it doesn't look good.

- C.W., you ever been to Paris?

[ C.W. ]

I've never been out of the country.

Zero- dash-six, eight-dash-five,

eight, five, seven.

That's right. That's exactly correct.

And now for something I call

the power of the Jade Scorpion.

- For this I'll need a few victims--

- [Laughing]

I mean, volunteers from the audience

and help from a few nice people.

- Oh, yes.

- Go on.

- Sir?

- We got another one. C.W.!

- Go ahead.

- We got another one forya.

There's a sucker born every minute.

- Represent us well, Briggs.

- [Magician] Many years ago...

an emperor in China received as a gift

this precious pendant--

a Jade Scorpion.

It was said to possess

extraordinary powers--

the power to darken men's minds.

I can't get hypnotized.

I'm not a good subject.

[Magician ]

Eyes only on the scorpion, please.

Ears open only

to the sound of my voice.

Ears open only

to the sound of my voice.

Please, sir.

Sir, look at the scorpion.

The surrender of the mind-

The surrender

of the mind--

They resist and resist,

but the scorpion likes resistance.

[Magician ]

What is your name, sir?

C.W. Briggs.

What do you do, Mr. Briggs?

I'm an insurance investigator...

for North Coast Casualty

and Fidelity of New York.

- What is your name, miss?

- Betty Ann Fitzgerald.

I also work at North Coast.

- So you work together?

- I can't stand her.

- [Laughing]

- Oh, come now.

Don't pay attention to him.

He's a sleazy little megalomaniac

who's frightened of women.

- Enough. Sleep.

- [Laughing Continues]

Silence.

You are now at the

first level of trance,

but the Jade Scorpion wants you

to go to the deepest level.

When I say the word Constantinople,

you will instantly drop into

the deepest hypnotic trance.

All resistance will disappear.

When I say the word Madagascar,

you will go immediately to

the deepest level of hypnotic sleep,

and you will obey all my orders.

Ready now.

Constantinople. Madagascar.

C.W. Briggs and

Miss Betty Ann Fitzgerald,

I now pronounce you man and wife.

When I snap my fingers, you will awaken.

You will not know you were in a trance.

You will be madly in love

with each other.

You're on your honeymoon

on a deserted desert island.

Maestro.

The moon shines down

its magical glow...

on you two honeymooners.

You're deeply, deeply in love.

Are you ready?

One, two, three.

Awaken to your tropical paradise.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking that...

I'm the luckiest man in the world...

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