The Dancing Masters Page #4

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on this clock and read it to you.

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

- There's something wrong, lady?

- Yes.

I've got my heart set on that clock...

...and I've just found out that I left

my money and my checkbook at home.

Gee, that's too bad.

Will you do me a favor

by keeping the bidding open?

I don't care what the price. If you will,

I'll make it worth your while...

...and I'll give you my free gift.

Why don't you help her out?

She'll make it worth your while.

We can pay the rent

and have some money left over.

Then with our two gifts

we'll have three for nothing.

I'll be glad to keep the bidding

open for you lady.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

I'll be right back.

Take your time.

The history of this fine clock

dates back more than 200 years.

- 150.

- 150.

- 160.

- 160.

- 170.

- 170.

- 180.

- 180. 180.

- 190.

- 190, the lady bids 190.

- 200.

- 200.

- 210.

- 210. 210.

- 220.

- 220.

- 230.

- 230 is bid.

- 250.

- 250.

- 260.

- 260.

- 280.

- 280.

- 290.

- 290.

- 295.

- 295.

Sold to the cheerful gentleman

for $300.

What are you bidding against me for?

And now, sir, in appreciation of your

good taste in purchasing this clock...

...we are presenting to you, absolutely

free, our capital gift of the day...

...this lucky cat.

- Free.

Will you take the clock

or shall we deliver it?

We'll wait for the lady,

if you don't mind.

Then will you kindly step over

to the cashier.

Here's your receipt. That'll be $300.

Our next offering, ladies and gentlemen,

is a very rare piece...

...a genuine Chippendale chair

direct from England.

- Now, who'll start the bidding on this?

- I will, $ 100.

$ 100 is bid. 100.

Ladies and gentlemen,

is that all I'm bid...

...for this magnificent thing,

$ 100?

- 110.

- 110.

- 120.

- 120 is bid...

- Take that out when you get through.

- Okay.

Come in.

Good morning, boys.

- Hello, Trudy.

- Hello, Trudy.

I have something very important

to discuss with you.

All right.

- Sit down.

- Thank you.

Not you.

- Sit down, Trudy.

- Thank you, Oliver.

Now, what is it?

You boys believe that Grant has a great

future as an inventor, don't you?

Well, I believe that Grant will be an

inventor of the first rank.

- What's rank?

- You are, shut up.

- Proceed, dear.

- Well, I was thinking...

...if we could keep Grant

in the background...

...have someone else demonstrate

the invisible ray...

...and when Father

became enthusiastic...

...we could spring it on him

that Grant was the real inventor.

- Then everything would be fine.

- We can do it, couldn't we, Ollie?

We'd do anything for Grant.

And we like you too.

I think the invisible ray

will be sensational.

- The vacuum cleaner was, wasn't it?

- Was it.

- Was it.

- I said, "Was it."

You mean you've never seen Grant's

vacuum cleaner in operation?

- No.

- Let's show it to her.

Indeed we will.

We use it all the time.

- Wait till you see this.

- Just sit over there.

This is really something.

All ready?

Now, we'll dirty it up a little.

- Well, let's make it good and dirty.

- All right.

- How about a little of this.

- All right.

- There we are now.

- And some of that.

Now we'll get started.

Oh, wait, just a minute.

Oh, wait a minute.

Might as well do it good.

Wait till you see this.

That's really something.

Yes, sir.

- We'll fix this up for you.

- Yeah. There.

- You think that'll be enough?

- No, no. Here, just a minute.

- What?

- We'll put some feathers down.

It's the hardest thing for a vacuum.

- This will show you how good it is.

- Yeah.

It's really something.

There we are, that'll be enough.

I think that's all right, don't you, Ollie?

- That's all right.

- Now, it'll even pick that bag up.

Now, you just watch this.

- All right, Stanley, go ahead.

- Wait, I'll plug it in here.

- There.

- Now...

What happened?

I forgot to tell you:

The man turned off

the electricity this morning.

You know, this is hard to get set.

- You have to turn the handle.

- You've got the easiest part.

All you've got to do is remember

what Grant told you...

...and I'll do the rest.

- What?

Aim the machine at the target

and hit it.

- In the middle?

- Yes, in the middle.

- That's easy.

- And remember, you can't speak English.

- Yes, I can.

- No, just pretend that you can't.

Here they come now.

- I sure hope the boys don't muff things.

- So do I.

Right over here, gentlemen,

right over here.

- I'm Mr. Harlan.

- I'm Mr. Hardy.

This is Professor Findush Gorp,

the great inventor from Bulewayo.

Unfortunately, the professor

does not speak a word of English.

- This is my Board of Directors.

- Gentlemen.

What is the principle

of your invention?

Well, I'm not the inventor.

Professor Findush Gorp is the inventor.

I'm merely his American associate.

You've heard of the flames

of Vesuvius?

You've also heard of the cow...

...that kicked over the lamp

that burned the great metropolis.

- Yes. Yes.

- The professor says...

...that this machine

is much more devastating.

But what is the principle involved?

That's a secret the professor's

not even divulged to me.

Very well, proceed

with your demonstration.

- What strange glasses.

- That's another one of his inventions:

His blackout glasses.

But you don't wear

dark glasses in a blackout.

No, but he uses them

to practice with in the daytime.

But what's one of the glasses

doing out?

Yes, to see where he's going.

Now, if you'll be seated, we'll proceed

with the demonstration. Thank you.

It's marvelous.

- Congratulations, Mr. Hardy.

- That's marvelous.

Splendid, professor.

A marvelous demonstration.

Might I speak to you a moment,

Mr. Harlan?

- Don't bother me now, I'm busy.

- Very good, sir.

- It's a most wonderful invention.

- I'm glad you liked it.

- What was it he said?

- He said he was very pleased with the...

Stanley, why didn't you shut it off?

I don't know. I can't speak English.

Oh, look. You've ruined my machine.

- Mr. Harlan, this is really most important.

- Well, what is it?

- Your house is on fire.

- What?

Good grief. Call the fire department.

Alakazam bazooka, smorgasbord.

Smorgasbord.

You silly, fuzzle-brained nincompoop.

Well, it wasn't my fault

the machine blew up.

What do you mean it wasn't your fault?

Why didn't you turn it off?

Well, Grant showed me how to start it,

but he didn't tell me how to stop it.

- How was I to know?

- You remember this.

Everything you start,

you stop the same way. Everything.

- Not everything.

- For instance?

Well, a horse.

To start it you go:

And to stop it you say, "Whoa."

And it stops.

S-T-O "ops." Stops.

That is neither here nor there.

- Where?

- There... Oh.

Gee, I wish there was a way

to raise some money.

- How much did he say he needed?

- Just a mere $ 10,000.

Too bad he didn't have

the machine insured.

Then he would've been able to get

the money and have a new one fixed...

...without any trouble at all.

Stanley, you have given me

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