The Death of Stalin Page #6

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Khrushchev bursts in.

KHRUSHCHEV:

This is calamity! Calamity!

Khrushchev rushes over to the body. He kneels, just missing

the piss, pressing his face into Stalin's chest. Then...

KHRUSHCHEV (CONT’D)

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

MALENKOV:

Jesus, Nikita!

Sobbing, Khrushchev grabs Malenkov's arm and stands up.

KHRUSHCHEV:

My friends. Comrades-in-arms...

He hugs Malenkov who also starts to cry. Beria feels he

should join in the hug. It doesn't come naturally.

KHRUSHCHEV (CONT’D)

Which doctor have you called?

BERIA:

The subject is currently under

discussion.

MALENKOV:

As Acting General Secretary, I say

the Committee should decide.

KHRUSHCHEV:

But our actual General Secretary

is lying there carpet-bombing the

room with piss. I think he’s

saying, Get me a f***ing doctor.

MALENKOV:

We wait until we're quorate.

KHRUSHCHEV:

Quorate take a running f***. The

room is only 75 per cent CONSCIOUS.

Beria notices pyjama bottoms beneath Khrushchev's trousers.

BERIA:

Why are you in your pyjamas?

KHRUSHCHEV:

Because, I act, Lavrenti.

Decisively, and with great speed. I

don’t...

(to Malenkov)

20 May 2016 Draft 10 28.

(MORE)

...hang around looking like a

f***ing ghost, farting out

committees.

MALENKOV:

The Central Committee is important.

That’s why we’re on it.

BERIA:

(to Malenkov)

I said you’d be tested. And just

now you’re being tested by a

shouting man wearing pyjamas.

(RE pyjamas)

Got a nappy under those, too?

(RE Stalin)

Too late for him!

The door is flung open by MIKOYAN, 58, well-dressed gangster

type with a lit cigarette between his lips, and BULGANIN, 58,

a head-down timeserver. With them is KAGANOVICH, 60: big, a

bruiser, drunk.

We go into slow motion as all three try to squeeze through

the door. We hear their shocked reactions slowed down.

BULGANIN/MIKOYAN/KAGANOVICH

(in slow-motion)

Papa!/Comrade!/Sh*t!

Underneath them, the captions: "Nicolai BULGANIN. Minister

for Defence"; Mikoyan: "Anastase MIKOYAN. Vice-Premier, the

Council of Ministers"; "Lazar KAGANOVICH. Minister for

Labour."

We go back into real time as they squeeze around the body.

KAGANOVICH:

No! I love him too much!...

Bulganin falls to his knees, sobbing. His arm finds

Kaganovich. Khrushchev puts a hand on them both. Bulganin

reaches up, tugging Mikoyan’s jacket. Mikoyan hates that.

MIKOYAN:

(warning)

Suit.

BERIA:

This is compelling drama, but we do

need to get him into bed.

(nods at Malenkov)

Take the head.

MALENKOV:

Why?

20 May 2016 Draft 10 29.

KHRUSHCHEV (CONT'D)

BERIA:

You're Acting General Secretary.

MIKOYAN:

(round the other side)

Can’t be any heavier than my

f***ing heart.

Khrushchev grabs Stalin's feet. There's now too many on the

non-urine side. Only Kaganovich is on the urine side.

KAGANOVICH:

Mikoyan!

He gestures for Mikoyan to go to the other side. Grudgingly,

he does so.

BULGANIN:

Better. More balanced.

Malenkov doing some light stretches.

KHRUSHCHEV:

What the hell are you doing?

MALENKOV:

I have back trouble. The head's the

heaviest part...

BULGANIN:

I think actually it’s the stomach

and the, you know...

MIKOYAN:

Tackle?

BULGANIN:

Arse.

KHRUSHCHEV:

Can we stop haggling like a market

full of fishwives and do this!

Malenkov joins the others. Khrushchev pushes Mikoyan to the

upper half of the body so he has to lift near the urine.

KHRUSHCHEV (CONT’D)

Ready. 3...2...

Malenkov joins in loudly.

MALENKOV/KHRUSHCHEV

...2..1...

Khrushchev allows Malenkov to finish it alone.

MALENKOV:

...Lift!

20 May 2016 Draft 10 30.

They lift Stalin and carry him to the door, feet first.

BULGANIN:

He's a heavy man. I mean...

BERIA:

You think Stalin is...”too heavy”?

BULGANIN:

It’s a compliment. Gold’s heavy.

MIKOYAN:

You’d know. You looted enough of

it, you saucy little pirate.

(winks at Bulganin)

KHRUSHCHEV:

Now we're all cosy and quorate, I

hereby propose we get a doctor.

They go through into...

64 INT. STALIN'S DACHA - HALLWAY - DAY 64

We’re a way down the corridor as they manoeuvre Stalin from

the office to a door opposite.

KAGANOVICH:

The best doctors are in the gulag.

Or dead. Because they tried to kill

Stalin. So any doctor still in

Moscow is NOT a good doctor.

The Soldier and Sergeant are further down the hall, trying

hard to avoid seeing what's going on.

65 INT. STALIN'S DACHA - BEDROOM - DAY 65

They get him through the door. It's a struggle.

BULGANIN:

What are people’s thoughts on

getting a “bad” doctor?

MALENKOV:

What if he recovers and finds out?

Khrushchev stops so they all have to. He unconsciously

gestures with Stalin's feet as he talks.

KHRUSHCHEV:

If he recovers, then we used a good

doctor. If he doesn’t recover, then

we didn’t but he won’t know. But if

we don’t get a doctor...

20 May 2016 Draft 10 31.

MALENKOV:

People will say WE poisoned him.

MIKOYAN:

They f***ing will as well.

Murmured agreement. They start moving towards the bed again.

KHRUSHCHEV:

(to Malenkov)

What was the name of that woman who

denounced the doctors?

MALENKOV:

Timashuk.

BERIA:

Yes. Are you still in touch?

MALENKOV:

Well, we don’t go skating together.

KHRUSHCHEV:

We could get her in.

BULGANIN:

(really?)

She sounds a keen helper, but... a

negative individual.

BERIA:

She's got everything we need for

this situation:
a desire to survive

and blowj*b lips.

MIKOYAN:

Well, she’s got my vote.

BULGANIN:

Yes. Let her find us some doctors.

MIKOYAN:

If it ends badly, we pin it all on

Lady Sucky Sucky.

BERIA:

And we shoot her.

MALENKOV:

That would work.

(to Khrushchev)

See, we’re better as a committee.

They reach the bed. Stalin's feet are over the pillows.

KAGANOVICH:

We cannot display the Father of the

Nation upside down. Let's turn him.

20 May 2016 Draft 10 32.

They turn him. Stalin's head narrowly misses a bedpost.

KHRUSHCHEV:

Watch his head!

BULGANIN:

Let’s be careful! He’s not a sack

of coal!

Malenkov winces:
his back hurts. They move Stalin onto the

bed, right across Mikoyan who's bent over backwards. The

urine-stained trousers pass right across his face and brush

his expensive clothes.

MIKOYAN:

Mind the...! Achtung, achtung!

Mikoyan is freed and Stalin's down. Khrushchev stares at

Stalin in disbelief.

KHRUSHCHEV:

He looks ready now.

MALENKOV:

I need a vodka.

BULGANIN:

I need a wash.

MIKOYAN:

(re suit)

Fine weave this is. Never get it

out.

KHRUSHCHEV:

My pocket is still full of tomato.

Everyone leaves. Beria hangs back.

Khrushchev stops and watches Beria. He's just standing,

looking at Stalin, face blank. He brings his face right up

close to Stalin's, staring at him, and pokes his stomach.

BERIA:

You have a nice, long sleep, old

man. I'll take it from here.

CUT TO:

66 INT. STALIN'S DACHA - BEDROOM/DINING ROOM - DAY 66

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