The Detective Page #2

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- Yes? Oh, yes, yes.

- Karen's talked a lot about you, Joe.

- That so?

What's she saying?

She's married to a man who's a cop?

Yes. She also said

you're the brightest man she ever knew.

I, uh, read about Leikman's son.

It's quite a thing, isn't it?

- Oh, yeah. It's quite a thing.

- There.

- Thank you.

- Nice meeting you.

- Here, let me take your hat.

- No, it's all right.

Uh, that fella over there's gonna make

a speech about the benefits of LSD.

Don't you want to hear what he has to say?

I think I'll pass.

Did you want to talk about something?

I did, yeah.

Well, we can go someplace.

No.

Another time.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[BALLROOM MUSIC PLAYING]

Say, would you keep an eye on these,

please, buddy? Thank you.

- Who are you?

- Who are you?

Karen Widener.

Joe Leland.

- I haven't seen you around here before.

- I haven't been around.

I'm in Sociology.

- How nice for Sociology.

- Heh.

- Who are you? Why do you sound so tough?

- I am tough.

- Who are you?

- I'm with the cops.

I beg your pardon?

I'm a policeman taking a night course

in Criminology.

You're kidding.

Thank you.

Well...

- I take it you didn't like the play.

- I didn't like the play.

- I never saw anything so meaningful.

- He's a phony.

- Do you know anything about plays?

- A little bit, yes.

- Well, who are your favorite playwrights?

- How about O'Casey and Shaw?

Well, what do you know about O'Casey?

Mr. O'Casey writes about the joys of life,

not the futility of it all.

What do you do, Mr. Leland?

He's with the cops.

- You're kidding.

- Heh. That's what I said.

Well, I always said a little learning

in a policeman is a dangerous thing.

Hey.

Where are you going?

I'm going home because you and your friends

give me a pain in the ass.

[LAUGHING]

Wow.

- Hello.

- Hi.

What's your problem?

Heart trouble.

Would you like to explain that?

Well, there's this man I know.

Are you in love with him?

I don't know.

But he's the only real man I've ever met.

Ah.

I bet you tell that to all the cops.

KAREN:

Hmm.

How many girls have you brought up here?

Couple of thousand.

No, I mean, seriously.

How many have you had

right here on this couch?

Did you notice

that we haven't had a fight all evening?

Yep. I noticed.

That's probably because for a minute

you forgot that I was a fascist cop.

Why do you wanna be a cop?

Because my old man was a cop.

His old man was a cop.

Everybody in my family was a cop.

That's why.

Why do you wanna be a cop?

Because it's the most useful and constructive

thing I can do. Don't you understand?

I understand. Don't bite my head off.

What about you?

- I mean, I don't know anything about you.

- What do you wanna know?

Well, first it's your family.

What about them?

There isn't any.

What do you mean, there isn't any?

Well, I was the proverbial baby

left on the doorstep.

Don't look so sad. It isn't that tragic.

Well, were you adopted?

If you're not taken by the time you're 3,

they don't pick you up too easily.

But I lived in a few

foster homes, you know.

Best thing about it was

I had a room of my own.

The state requires

you have a room of your own.

I said, don't look so sad.

It isn't such a bad life.

No scars?

No, I just go to my psychiatrist

twice a week now.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh.

You don't approve of that.

Not particularly. I happen to feel people

should try to work out their own problems.

Well, that's manly of you.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Ever been married?

- Engaged?

- No.

Many guys?

Yes.

And on my terms.

Not theirs.

Yeah.

I've been to the post a few times myself.

I was beginning to think that nobody else

in the world would ever interest me again.

Let's not talk about those things, Joe.

Let's just enjoy each other.

I don't want to be this way with you.

Why not?

I want this to be different.

It Will be.

[CROWD CHEERING]

- I'm sorry I'm late.

- How did it go?

Oh, fine. I think I got

my associate professorship.

Me. Imagine.

- I think it's wonderful. Just great.

- Yeah? Ooh.

Did you give any thought

to what we talked about?

Oh...

- I don't know, Joe.

- What do you mean?

You either love me or you don't love me.

Oh, I love you, but it...

It just isn't that simple, you know?

You keep talking in riddles all the time.

What's to keep us apart?

Well, I... I've been around

and you've been around.

We're both kind of set in our ways

and everything.

Sure, but that's why we ought to do something

about it while there's still time.

Are you wacky enough to take on me?

Try me.

Yeah, baby!

- You know something?

- What?

If I don't marry you, I'm crazy.

What'd you say?

I said, if I don't marry you, I'm crazy.

All right.

- Hi, Joe. How's the bridegroom?

- Tired. What else?

MAN 1:
Shut up, you silly son of a...

MAN 2:
I didn't mean to do it.

- What's that?

- Wait till you hear this.

MAN 2:
You don't think I meant to do it, do

you? MAN 1:
Didn't mean it? Are you stupid?

Harmon! Harmon, you're a stupid jerk!

- What is it?

- Well, he did it this time.

- He killed one of them.

- I couldn't help it.

I yelled for them to stop.

You know what it's like up there.

- Doesn't give you license to shoot a man.

- I didn't mean to shoot him!

- Didn't mean to shoot.

- The gun went off!

- Wait till those civil rights bastards get this.

- I didn't mean to do it.

- Who cares? You put us all in the crapper.

- I heard it on the radio. Great. Just great.

- In my office. Come on. Tanner, you his partner?

- Yeah.

Let's go. Come on.

Shut the door.

All right, Tanner. Tell us what happened.

We were following these guys.

They were speeding.

Jack kept the siren going. We cut them off.

Jack took his revolver out,

walked over to the car and leaned in.

There was a shot. The car lurched.

That's all I know.

I didn't know what he could've been doing in

there. He reached for the glove compartment.

He could've been reaching for anything.

There were five of them, drunk.

Well, you can't have it both ways.

It was either an accident or you panicked.

Which way was it?

- It was an accident.

- An accident.

You walked over to the

car and you leaned in.

Show me what happened.

I'm the man in the car. Come on. Show me.

How close was your revolver to him?

- I don't remember.

- You don't remember.

You said the car lurched.

Was it before or after, did you say?

- Well, I...

- Never mind.

Tanner, didn't you just say

that he walked over to the car, gun drawn,

leaned in the car, there was a shot and then

the car lurched? Isn't that what you said?

It could've been before.

It could've been before.

Harmon, if I get you through this,

it'll be for the department, not for you.

If you get him through this?

Shut up, Joe, and get outta here.

If the civil rights group

doesn't take care of you

and if the department doesn't take care of

you, you keep your eye on me, Mr. Harmon.

So go to the newspapers. Tell them

they're trying to whitewash Harmon.

I can't do that to the department.

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