The Diary of Lady M Page #3

are those rare moments...

where you inhale

the smell of the air,

of the algae, or,

the sweetness' of the mud,

which reminds of death,

and lets you feel eternity.

Are you sad?

No. Actually I'm rather happy.

No sarcasm please.

Have you seen that guy

who collects snails there?

And me,

do you see me?

What do you see in me?

The sweet smell in the Delta

had touched me deeply.

I wanted him even more.

In the pale light of the full moon...

the place appeared

as a mirror...

of what I had seen in the afternoon.

Did I walk through the mirror?

"Your dream looked at me."

This short sentence haunted me...

and I tried to remember,

who had written it.

I could have recorded

and made a song out of it.

Let's make love, and then you

drive me back to Barcelona.

What do you think?

I'm not a love tourist.

I want to live with you.

I love you.

I love you too.

I want to live with you.

Let's make love, and then you

drive me back to Barcelona.

The worst part with going away is

always when you come back again.

Since I was back in Paris,

There seemed to be even more

dog's muck on the sidewalks,

and everything I ate,

tasted cardboard.

I couldn't stay with Diego,

But not be without him either.

This morning

I pulled myself together.

I made a desperate

and slightly absurd act.

Here's my message:

I can't live without you.

Come. Stop.

I can't live without you.

Come...

with Nuria... and Billie,

if you want.

I'm waiting for you.

It seemed highly unlikely,

But 14 days later they came.

I didn't know

what they wanted.

"Don't worry, we'll see,"

I decided philosophically.

Perhaps Nuria rather wanted

a rival than a ghost.

She'd amaze me yet many times.

- Did you find it easily?

- Yes.

Sit down.

I'll make tea.

Don't you have a beer?

I always have beer for the musicians,

when we practice here.

Thank you.

I always tell myself:

I should drink beer.

It's the drink of the rockers.

But I just can't.

How was the trip?

Are you tired?

Want to rest?

I've prepared a room upstairs.

Aren't you tired?

No, not at all.

You'll sleep good here.

It's a little soft.

I'm done.

Just use all the cosmetics you find here.

The towels are also there.

Can we have some music

to fall asleep?

Of course.

I'll put on a record.

What should I put on?

- What you want.

How long are babies breastfed?

It's different.

I don't have much milk anymore,

but she gets relaxed from it.

I want her to fall asleep,

she was so early up this morning.

I have a duplicate key so you

can come and go as you like.

I must go.

We're practising.

Diego, why do you believe me?

There's a small green piano

standing in the corner.

Just look.

Look.

Didn't Monet paint a small

green piano in the corner?

- There?

- Yes, there.

What do you see?

Billie, look. Don't you believe

that Monet painted...

a piano in his "Tryptique aux lilas"?

What a nonsense, you should

better clog your ears!

Better listen to nonsense

than being deaf.

Let me see.

You see it...

open your eyes,

to the right there,

isn't it a piano?

To the right

what's wrong with you?

That's not a piano.

It's a "piano-mouche".

You can't say "piano-mouche"

only "bateau-mouche".

We have eaten. We didn't know

when you'd come home.

Want to eat something?

No thanks, I'm not hungry.

I'll buy stamps.

There's a pinball machine,

shall we play?

Can you take Billie?

Not like this

she isn't made of sugar.

First time I hold a baby.

But no...

You've never

held a baby in your arms?

No, really.

I can't believe it.

- No sisters, no nephews...

- No, none at all.

We were seven at home.

When my parents were asleep,

the whole house was shaking.

Not like this.

Let's start once more.

- Did you see how she does it?

- What?

We aren't close enough.

The audience should see

everything of us all...

even the hair of Marie, the hips of

Nanou, the breasts by Gladys...

Shall I move my hips

like an Oriental?

Think I'm born in couscous?

Come on,

couscous isn't in the menu.

Well let's try again.

We really need work together.

Nuria seemed very interested.

I felt even more naked

under her eyes as at the day

where I had sacrificed

my pubic hair to Diego.

During the exercise you talked

like a computer.

I'm programmed to...

produce sounds and to

make eights with my hips.

I'm proud of it.

It's actually the only thing

that comforts me in life,

the scandal life.

What scandal?

That you and I are just

zombies or even criminal.

Zombies?

Yes, those who come out

of graves in horror films.

Stop it, you'll wake up Billie.

Zombies were already dead

when they were alive...

because they protected

themselves against life.

And criminals?

That's what we are. You and me.

The whole world is criminal.

We much more than the others.

The guilt...

the spoils everything.

And she?

You'd be surprised

you would know her better.

You think you know her well?

No one knows anyone.

The truth is a mystery.

And she,

what did she think of all this?

A strong force pulled me into the

spiral of another life,

and still uncertain... I met...

a mystery with slit eyes,

through which you could see the night,

and a breast that feeded a child.

I lacked the courage to...

ask this sphynx for advice.

Nuria seemed entirely lost

in contemplating the fire.

Who was she since she

wasn't zombie and...

not a criminal either?

She looked like a Goddess of the Earth,

for a God of Fertility.

It's full.

I'll empty it.

I don't know whose

hand guided me,

but suddenly I was in their arms,

like a blade of grass,

that moved under the

warm breath of the two,

completely drunken of pleasure.

Curiosity and excitement

confused me.

We were at the same time

so similar and so different.

All this was possible only...

because we loved the same man.

I met her through Diego's body.

My heart was beating intensely.

I had never touched

a woman's body before.

And I discovered it's tenderness

with the same amazement I had...

felt for the splendour of a meadow

of buttercups when I was five.

Back then I couldn't imagine

that the beauty of the world...

could also loose its glory.

I saw her batting under

Diego beats.

I saw the earth...

and the depth of the oceans.

Then she turned around

and moaned,

and I wished that Diego

had hold back his lust.

Then he came into me,

still wet from her.

And I was all gone, even as...

blade of grass, I no longer existed.

I realized how...

vulnerable...

and yet indestructible I was.

Who'd have thought that I would

sleep between Diego and Nuria?

And for a whole week already.

Last night I noticed Nuria's face.

She has a unique way...

to lift her eyes to heaven during

lovemaking, so that she looks like...

a Madonna with wax tears

in painful ecstasy.

What's up?

Stop it. You have.

You've got a problem in your head.

You've got a problem.

Give back my papers.

Come on go.

You fool, you shitty guy.

Did they share something

I would never participate in?

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