The Dog Problem

So Mr. Harrington...

Uh, wait a minute.

Dr. Nourmand?

Yes?

Can you just call me Solo?

Why?

Well, a-aside from the fact

that it's my name, I've...

I've just been coming

here for almost a year now

and, uh, frankly, this could be...

this could be it for us.

So I was just wondering

if we could just end

on a less formal note, you know?

Oh. Uh...

Yeah.

Sure.

- Well...

- Yeah, I... I can call you Solo.

Great.

Okay, good, good.

And you are...

I'm still Dr. Nourmand.

Okay.

I, uh, I got...

I got you this jacket.

Oh... Well...

Thank you very much.

I can't accept it, uh...

but it is a very nice gesture, nonetheless.

Thank you.

I... I think you should just take the jacket.

W- why?

Because I bought it for you.

Well, do you do that often?

I mean, do you buy gifts...

No.

For your... for your friends...

- No.

- Family?

- No. No, no, no.

- No?

Just this.

What about this being it?

Well, I... you know, I just...

I just spend a very large

portion of my time here.

And, uh, you know, to be honest,

I was just walking down the street

and I saw the jacket in...

in the window and...

- Oh, no.

I thought it would look nice on you

I don't know,

I think you just take the jacket.

No, no, no, I...

I... I am.

I'm considering that.

But I meant...

I meant "this", as in our time here.

Oh!

Oh, oh.

Well, yeah, I've just run out of money.

I'm broke.

Five days a week here for almost a year

just added up a lot quicker

than I thought it would and...

Yeah.

How do you feel about that?

F***ed.

I feel f***ed.

I mean... No, I feel... no, I feel...

- F***ed?

- I feel better than I did, right?

- Yeah.

But... but now what, right?

Well, what do you think?

Uh, well, you know, I... I mean, I...

I... I could...

I'm going to start writing again.

Try to make a little money.

Well, that's good.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, that's very good.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll call you when that happens.

Do you ever consider getting a pet, Solo?

What?

Out of the way, jerk-off!

You know, pal, uh...

The best thing about buying a dog

is that, uh, you can always get rid of it.

I mean, if you don't like it.

The dog, I mean.

When'd you get that jacket?

This is Jonesy.

You're listening to Jonesy's Jukebox.

It's a beautiful day in L.A.

F***ing hell.

Why are there so many people here, man?

Well, that's the thing about these places:

a lot of people, you know?

Some good, some not so good,

and some just pure fantasia.

Jesus Christ!

That never happens to me... ever.

Oh, my God!

Hello.

Wait a minute.

She might have been the one.

- I think I need to go back.

- What?

That was the one.

That was the one.

I got to go grab her.

I got to get her.

- I do.

- No, you got to be kidding me.

- Come on.

- Listen, you don't need me.

You don't need me, okay?

Just grab the first one

that looks at you funny.

You ever heard the term

"puppy dog eyes"?

It comes from a place.

That's the place.

I'll be right back.

I love you. You're good.

You're good.

Mom!

You said you were going to get it for me.

All right, here's the thing, Brad.

I just need a... a simple dog, you know?

One that doesn't require a

whole lot of maintenance.

Uh, low energy, uh,

doesn't need a lot of stuff.

You know, I have a balcony,

so one that can use the balcony

to use the bathroom would be great.

Uh, you know, just a...

a dog that doesn't need to

go outside too much. Or ever.

That would be great, too.

Okay, Brad?

What do you say, Brad?

I really should have come in with you.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

It means nothing.

What?

You don't like the dog?

Oh no, it's a cool dog.

It's cool.

Seems calm enough.

It's just really little.

Well, it's a puppy.

I mean...

No.

I... I know.

No, no, no.

Hey...

Hey, you know what?

It's about... you like her, I like her.

It's a he.

It's a boy dog.

He. Boy. Dog.

Pal, I just want you to be happy.

Okay.

Are you happy?

Look, he likes you.

I... can you hold the dog?

- But he likes you.

- I'm driving the car.

But he wants to go to Daddy.

What's wrong with that?

He doesn't want to be on...

on... on uncle's lap.

He wants to go...

He wants to go in the back, apparently.

Okay.

Is he going to sh*t?

Okay, you've got to be kidding me.

No! No!

Hi, Brad.

It's Solo.

Uh, yeah, the Tongan terrier.

Well, uh, yeah, you know,

I tried that crate thing

that you told me about

and he just went to the

bathroom all over the bathroom.

Well, yeah, see, that's the thing.

I didn't have a crate so I just...

I thought the bathroom would suffice.

Uh, no, I don't want to buy a crate.

Well, just because I don't

have room for a crate.

Okay, well, I'm sure the crates

are very decorative, Brad, but...

Brad, I don't want to buy a crate.

Stop trying to sell me a crate.

Okay, give me the shoe.

Put the shoe down.

Put the...

Yeah, hi, is this Brad?

Well, Brad, you f***ed me, pal.

This little thing is driving me crazy, man.

I mean, I... you know...

Hello? Hello?

Okay, Brad,

he's peeing on the carpet right now.

What the f*** is a wee-wee pad?

No.

I just want him to go on the balcony, man.

Look, you know what?

We talked about this and... and I just...

I don't think this is going to work.

I just...

Well, I don't know.

That's a good question.

What the hell do you want me to do?

I mean, can I just bring him back?

Hello? Hello, Brad?

Brad?

What the hell are you looking at, man?

Casper.

Casper, are you awake?

You up?

I don't know.

Pal, the dog sh*t all over my house.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I don't... I don't know what to do.

I hate him.

I just...

I don't know what to do.

You want to take him back?

No.

I can't take him back.

There's no refunds.

Well...

I know this girl...

Did I wake you up?

No, no, no.

I just been reading and stuff.

So... I used to date her.

I used to f*** her.

- What?

- I don't know what I did.

I shot her once.

We f***ed... something.

Man, what am I doing?

I can't give the dog away.

What am I doing, man?

You're driving the car up to the thing.

Come on.

Don't... don't... don't do this.

This is fine.

This girl does this.

This is what she does.

What do you mean?

Like, for a living?

Yes. No, I mean,

she doesn't make money doing it,

but it's what she does.

Right up here.

Right up here.

- Pull up to the thingy.

- I am!

- Go to the thingy.

- I don't want to hit it.

You're not going to hit it.

Go to the thingy.

Well, what does she make money doing?

Jesus Christ.

Well, her father, um, owns the rights

to, like,

every great rock 'n' roll song ever written,

among other things.

The guy was, like,

a major pimp in the '70s.

Killed people and sh*t.

- Okay, he didn't kill people.

- Yes, he did.

- No, he didn't.

- Yes, he did.

Okay, you're just making that up.

Okay, somehow this

man ended up owning

a lot of valuable stuff.

- Well, that's obvious.

- Thank you.

I got a train set once.

Oh, he lives here too.

He's just never around.

He's got a place in, what do you call it?

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