The Dog Who Saved Christmas Page #3

Real dogs wear bows.

And the Christmas lights

are twinkling

And the glistening snow

has fallen...

Come on, Mom, can we bring Zeussy

to Grandma's?

Zeus:
Yeah, bring me

to Granny's.

Come on, Zeus, off the bed.

Get off the bed. Off the bed.

I can't help it. This memory foam

does wonders for my hinds.

How many times do I have to tell

this dog?

Where is he going?

Zeus, cut it out.

That's disgusting, come on.

Zeus:
Give me a second.

I'm dying of thirst here.

Come on, Mom, please, can we?

Can we bring Zeussy to Grandma's?

Oh, I don't think so, honey.

- Please.

- It's boring at Grandma's.

All she has to drink

is flat diet soda.

And prune juice.

Okay, now be nice, kids.

Yeah, but why do we have to go there

every Christmas Eve?

Because it's tradition.

What's tradition?

It's something that you have to do

even though you may not want to.

And no one should be alone

on Christmas Eve.

Mom, what if Santa decides

not to come to our house

because he doesn't think

we'll be here?

Oh, sweetheart,

Santa knows everything.

So he knows that we'll be back

first thing Christmas morning.

Mom, how come the cat lady

doesn't have any Christmas lights?

L... honey, I've really got a headache.

This is a lot of questions, okay?

I don't know why the cat lady

doesn't have Christmas lights.

Yeah, well, Ricky Jamieson says

it's 'cause she's an old Scrooge.

Okay, well, you know,

you tell Ricky Jamieson

that in this house we don't judge

people that we do not know.

Does that mean that we

judge people that we do know?

Y...

no no no no.

We don't judge anyone.

Where is that dog?

Get away from there now.

I am not gonna tell you again.

- Are you listening to me?

- (Zeus burps)

Well, the stores were just

completely packed.

Yeah, see, that's why I don't go

to the stores anymore.

That's why I send you, honey.

Well, you're gonna love

what I got you.

Aww. I told you

I didn't want anything...

Zeus:
Ooh, gingerbread.

I love me some gingerbread.

Mom, look what Zeussy can do.

Ooh, that smells good.

George, come on.

He has to get down.

- Ooh, that's good.

- He's fine.

- Okay, I don't know what that was.

- Zeus:
Mm, delicious.

You know, honey, it's funny,

but I don't think I've ever heard Zeus bark.

Oh, sure, honey.

Yeah, Zeus barks.

You might not have heard it yet,

but, you know,

they're highly-trained dogs.

They're very intelligent.

They go through a rigorous

training program

where they teach them to bark

on command

and when to bark, when not to bark.

They can't always bark.

If you always bark,

it tends to be kind of annoying.

They have to bark

when there's a noise

and not bark

when there's no noise.

That's how you want the dog.

But they need some kind of a stimulation...

you know, they need

another dog barking

or a human bark,

or a door knock,

or a doorbell, you know?

(doorbell rings)

Mm, I smell shrimp toast.

Hey, Old Yeller, why don't you

just go ahead and bark already?

You call that a dog?

Zeus:
Is somebody gonna get that?

I'm starving over here.

Come on, Georgy.

You know I don't have thumbs.

Don't worry about it, Zeus.

We'll get you next time.

You'll bark next time.

Bark?

Oh, no, not that again.

- Hey.

- Goldberg's Chinese Food.

Yes, of course, yeah.

Merry, uh, Hanukah.

Happy holidays.

Close enough. $32.75.

Okay, great.

Here's $40.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Very nice.

Oh, yeah, we're building a little

gingerbread house.

I meant the girl,

not the house.

- Oh.

- George:
Oh, the girl, yeah.

She's kosher too.

- Hi. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukah.

- That would be my wife.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Shalom.

- Shalom.

That was awkward.

You know what? You'll bark next time.

Who cares?

It's all good.

Who cares if I didn't bark.

The Bannisters love me

for who I am,

and that's the important thing.

You just look very tense.

I mean, I know this is

all new for you,

but we're gonna take it

one step at a time.

Okay.

Zeus:
Uh, this is a little awkward,

George, don't you think?

Yeah, there we go, Zeussy.

- Is that better?

- Ooh.

- What did they do to you?

- Ooh, yeah, now I'm digging it.

They made you all silly-looking.

It's only you and me.

We're the men of the house.

Zeus:
The men of the house...

yeah, right.

- You know what I'm talking about?

- Ooh, right there, George.

- You know what it's like to be a man?

- Yeah, dude.

- I was the only one.

- Ooh, yeah, that's the spot.

- Besides Ben.

- Ahh.

And now it's me, you and Ben.

You're gonna be able to bark.

I couldn't talk till I was six,

which is like 42 in your years.

You're gonna be a great

guard dog.

And better yet,

a great pet.

Ben and Kara already like you.

You're gonna love it here.

We just gotta work on Mommy

a little bit.

Dashing through the snow

In a one-horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way

Bells on bobtails ring

Making spirits bright

What fun it is to ride and sing

A sleighing song tonight

Oh, jingle bells,

jingle bells

Jingle all the way,

Oh, what fun it is to ride...

(Mice laughing)

You can't even bark.

Jingle bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way

Oh, what fun it is to ride

In a one-horse open sleigh

Jingle bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way

Oh, what fun it is to ride

In a one-horse open sleigh.

Uh-oh, that doesn't look

like the mailman.

Zeus:
George, you'd better

come quick. I think we're being robbed!

Oh my gosh, George, he looks serious.

He's got a mask on.

Ooh, wait, show him the teeth.

That usually works.

Show him the teeth.

Here we go. Grr!

George, it's not working!

Ooh, rib-eye.

I haven't had rib-eye in a dog's year.

Oh my gosh, that's a big one.

Over here. Over here.

Yeah yeah yeah.

Me me me. Ooh.

Oh, yes, this is so good.

Mm, I can't believe it.

Okay, just stay right there, buddy.

I'll be with you in a moment.

George, Belinda.

George:
What happened, Franz?

He's the worst-case scenario.

Are you saying that the dog

is never gonna bark?

I'm saying there's nothing I can do

except recommend a psychiatrist.

A psychiatrist?

Hey, mister, you got any more

meat for me?

Given his K-9 background...

- Oh, for Zeus.

...it's entirely possible

he suffered some sort of

psychological trauma on the job.

(speaks German)

Sorry, chief, I have no idea what you're

saying. I only speak dog and English.

I'm sorry, George.

Oh, come on, I knew it was a trick.

Have him break in again. I'll tackle him.

Do you think there's anything we can do

after the holiday?

He failed the steak test, guys.

Now I'm good,

but you're gonna need a miracle worker

to turn that dog around.

Merry Christmas.

A therapist? I don't need a therapist.

Just give me another chance.

I can bark,

really I can.

Eh, what's the use?

I'm sorry, guys.

I'm really sorry.

I might have messed this up too.

George:
First of all, he is a dog,

and dogs teethe.

He's not teething.

He's four years old.

And that is 30 in human years.

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