The Dolly Sisters

Good evening.

- Good evening.

- My-My- My name is Latsie Dolly.

I just come from-

from Budapest with my nieces.

And-This is Jenny,

and this is Rosie.

I- I look- look my- look for

my old friend, Mr. Tsimmis.

Is- Is he here? No?

I'm new here.

Waiter!

This man is looking for somebody

by the name of Crimmis.

No. No, Crimmis-Tsimmis,

with the "Zis."

Tsimmis, the theater

booking agent?

There is just

one Tsimmis in the world.

Tsimmis! There's

somebody here to see you!

Oh!

Ignatz, my old friend.

Oh!

Since eight long years,

I don't see you.

That's right.

And since eight long years,

you owe me a thousand hellers...

from that last game of clobyosh

we played in Budapest.

Here in America,

that's, uh, $11.

N-Not for the children.

We will play now.

Maybe I win it back.

Come.

Latsie, take that off.

Come here, come here.

So... pincr.

Pincr! Ah! Ah! Pin-

Pincr. Pincr. Pincr, pincr,

pincr, pincr.

Waiter. Waiter.

- Come. Give us, please, a deck of cards.

- Here.

No, no.

New ones, please.

My- My nieces.

What-Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing?

Don't make me nervous. Go to the band

and watch the music, darlings.

Children, come here.

Ooh! Yoy! Yoy!

- You deal-

- Ah! What!

Hey.

I am glad we didn't

play dominoes.

Nothing you should play,

you understand?

Mr. Tsimmis was just asking about you.

- Same old trouble, Uncle?

- There is no trouble.

Only I have $42 in I.O.U.'s, all from

your uncle, and I don't get paid.

Look, eight dollars he loses to me

in Zimmerman's back room.

Back room? It wasn't in the back room.

It was in the center of the restaurant.

All right, all right.

Six dollars from Lichau's out by the kitchen.

Kitchen? I never played cards in the kitchen.

That-That was in the back room.

Yes, yes, yes.

Here, $22 when we played in my office.

- In- In your office?

- Yes, in my office.

- All right, all right.

- Not a cent do I get. What is this?

Uncle, aren't you ashamed?

After you promised me.

I give you my word.

Never again I will touch a card.

So help me.

Look, Mr. Ignatz, you'll never

get your money as long as we work here.

So if you find us a real job, why, we could

pay you a little every week for Uncle's losses.

- Wouldn't we, Rosie?

- Of course. You could take it out of our salary.

- Would you go out of town?

- Oh, we'd go anywhere.

All right, girls, uh, here's a date I promised

Miller's Midgets, but I give it to you.

But this is the last time we play clobyosh,

you understand?

- Oh, it's a deal. Where do we go?

- Elmira.

Elmira?

Is it on the map?

You got to catch the 7:30

from Hoboken in the morning.

We're on it. Come on, Jenny. We just have time

to rent costumes before they close.

- Coming, Uncle?

- Li-Little later, darling. Little later.

Uncle, so help you?

Sweetheart.

So help me.

So help me.

Will you have the cards

again in your face?

Later. But first,

we will play one more game.

Tickets.

Tickets, please.

Tickets.

Half fare.

- How old are you?

- I'm 10, and my sister's 11.

Uh, we always travel

half fare.

Hmm.

Tickets, please.

See, I told you we could get by with it.

That's $3.00 saved.

- Oh, uh, just a minute.

- I beg your pardon?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to-

That's all right, little girl.

No charge for looking.

Uh, are you an actor?

Well, the jury's still out,

but, uh, I think so.

Well, what do you do?

I just finished two weeks

at the New York Victoria.

Hammerstein's Victoria?

There's only one.

Well, then-Then you

must be a headliner.

Mm, yes, when I'm not starring

in musical comedy.

Oh.

Uh, you must know

everybody in New York.

Everyone from Lillian Russell

to Georgie Cohan.

We don't know a soul.

We sing and dance. And when we grow up,

we'd just love to be on the stage...

if we could meet

the right people.

All little girls want to go on the stage.

Oh. I- I wonder, please,

could you introduce us to Mr. Hammerstein?

Oscar? When you're

in New York, look me up.

He has dinner every week

with me at the Friars Club.

The Friars Club?

Oh, how wonderful.

- You're very kind, Mr. - Mr. -

- Fox. Harry Fox.

Well, uh, wouldn't you like

to turn your chair around, Mr. Fox?

We'll all be more comfortable.

I suppose so.

How far are you going,

Mr. Fox?

- Elmira.

- Elmira?

You're playing there

after Broadway?

Oh. I always like to break in

my new material out of town.

Uh, where are

you two kids going?

- Oh, we're going to Elmira too.

- To visit some relatives.

Well, then you can catch

my act while you're there.

I should say we will.

- Mr. Fox?

- Oh, thanks.

Manager!

- I want to see the manager.

- Maybe he don't want to see you.

Ever think of it that way?

Have you met Elmer?

- Where's the manager?

- Stop shouting! There's a rehearsal on!

- Shut up!

- That wasn't him. That was me!

- What's eatin' you anyway?

- I'm Harry Fox.

What's the idea of billing an unknown

sister act over me? And a trained seal!

- Now- - Who are the Dolly Sisters

anyway? I never heard of them!

What's the difference?

Nobody ever heard of you either!

Besides, there's two of them, and there's

only one seal. And there's only one of you!

Now you listen-

- Thank you very much.

- See you at the matinee.

- Oh, hello, Mr. Fox.

- Hello.

- Surprise.

- You, uh, might have told a fella.

Mr. Fox objects

to his billing here.

What's wrong

with the billing?

- I dressed with a trained seal once.

We didn't get along.

- Oh, is that so?

Have you got a college degree?

A. B? B. A? Ph. D?

- What's your alphabet?

- Well, I was lucky to get through high school.

Well, then, don't look

down on an educated seal.

- Let me tell you some-

- Well, he can't help it.

You see, Mr. Fox

is a Broadway headliner.

- Direct from two weeks at Hammerstein's Victoria.

- Rosie, please.

Well, is there any law against

a fella giving himself a little buildup?

- Never heard of one.

- Come on! Who's next?

We haven't got all day! We got an Elks dance

and a wedding to play! Let's go!

Hi, fellas. Look, bring me on

with a fast eight bars of "I Love the Lady."

And there's a new tune there I wrote myself

called "I Can't Begin To Tell You."

- It's a ballad, but I want it played lively, see?

- Everybody does.

No! No! No!

That's not it at all.

Keep it light and gay.

Pick it up in the treble,

like this, in a shoddish tempo.

- Wonderful.

- Thanks.

You ought to be the leader at Hammerstein's

Victoria. I didn't get your name.

- Gilbert Oystermore.

- Oh. Well, I'll make a note of that.

Thanks, boys.

I'll see you tonight.

They went that way.

Hey, they're not bad little babes.

- How about you and me datin' them up tonight?

- You look better with the seal.

Oh, thanks very much.

Oh, yeah?

If Elmer looked anything like you,

I'd make a fur coat out of him.

Stop it. He hates you.

Come on. Come on, hurry up.

- Oh.

- It's a good thing we don't own a trunk.

- It's a good thing we're not a trio.

- That's right.

Dolly Sisters!

I'll get it.

Well?

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