The Dream Children

[heavy breathing]

[moaning]

[heavy breathing]

[moaning]

[moaning]

[grunting]

[music playing]

Hey, [inaudible] get going soon.

And then Ken and I

ran around the corner

straight into the two

cops who just dropped...

Oh, you didn't!

Mm-hm.

And then we were, butt-naked,

being arrested by the same two

cops twice in the one night.

Twice!

[laughter]

Sorry. guys-

Can I start to

clear those for you?

Go ahead.

So Ken's telling them

the reason we're naked

and roaming the streets

is because someone broke

into our house, stole

all our clothes,

and we're chasing after him.

And the cop says,

what did he look like?

Who?

[laughs]

Come on, keep up.

The one who stole our clothes.

[laughter]

So Ken says, f***, mate.

I didn't see him.

I was too busy

banging your sister.

[groans]

[laughter]

But I was woken up

at 4:
00 in the morning

by the police asking if I

want to bail my husband out,

and can I bring some undies?

[laughter]

It was the best damn

funeral I've ever been to.

Oh!

If I got a call from the police

telling me Steve was naked...

You'd be running down there!

Yeah.

No, no. no, no.

No, I'd leave him there.

You would not.

I would!

I have a feeling that Steve

would be A-OK with that one,

eh?

[laughter]

I'd pay for it.

Quit being such a classy guy.

[laughter]

I'm off.

Got recording in the morning.

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) I've got

a recording in the morning.

[groans]

- Oh, darling.

Sh*t, where are my keys?

How is the old game

show going, anyway?

Great!

[laughter]

How you doing?

Jeremy.

Good.

Morning, Bob.

Morning, Steven.

Well, f*** me.

Thirty minutes early.

I just wanted to make sure

I'm not holding anyone up.

Yeah, well, if you gave a

rat's ass every other day,

I wouldn't have an ulcer

as big as Bigfoot's balls,

now, would I?

Now, that is gross, boss.

But I still love you.

See you in 30.

Uh, 29.

Ethan, how's my

favorite intern today?

29!

27!

A bit wasted, actually...

Hey, if that's a message

to your boyfriend,

I'm going to be very jealous.

I'm sending a text to my mom.

Ah.

Well, what kind of message do

you send to the boys, then?

OK, sweetheart,

you have my number.

I'd love to read

your prose sometime.

[inaudible]

You are beautiful, aren't you'?

Oops, sorry.

[panting]

[moaning]

[cell phone rings]

[grunting]

STEVE (ON TV):
Welcome back

to the show, where we have.

Mrs. Elspeth Zonti on

[inaudible], getting

ready to play for the

$100,000 question.

So, uh, Elspeth,

welcome to the show.

What are you doing

back-Do you have a job?

ELSPETH (ON TV):
Yes,

I decorate special

[inaudible] and wedding cakes.

STEVE (ON TV):
Oh, so you invent

your own original designs?

ELSPETH (ow TV):
I do.

STEVE (ON TV):
What kind of

wedding cake would you bake me?

ELSPETH (ON TV):
[inaudible]

STEVE (ON TV):
Isn't she

sweet, ladies and gentlemen?

[applause]

ELSPETH (ON TV):
Are you

thinking of getting married?

[93505]

STEVE (ON TV):
I'll

put it this way,

you never know what disasters

the future may hold.

[laughter] So Elspeth, are you

ready to play for the question

that could land you $100,000?

[applause]

[cell phone rings]

Now, how can you be talking to

me and on TV at the same time?

Right, the wonders

of television.

Again?

Can't we... can't

we just stay in?

All right.

Yup.

OK.

Steve.

Nothing.

It's all right.

Bye.

[game show music playing]

[screaming excitedly]

STEVE (ON TV):

We'll be right back!

What's the specials tonight?

(FRENCH ACCENT) Ah, tonight

we have a filet [inaudible].

It comes with

[inaudible], stuffed

with caviar, a sour cream

sauce, and roasted capers.

Well, that sounds

like it's for me.

Alex, what would you like?

Isn't there something simple?

Ah, well, there's the

baby lamb [inaudible] sir.

It comes with the avanti

blanc and the jus de poire.

What is that'?

It's a bit like a hot pot.

Right.

That'll do.

And... and the usual oysters

to start with, shall we?

Oysters'?

- Yeah.

Frisky.

You know, we could eat

at home if we ate at home.

That makes no sense.

Have you noticed we

don't have a home?

What we have is a

pleasure wonderland.

(SCOFFING) Pleasure wonderland?

What are you

talking about, Alex?

We have a beautiful home.

It's an apartment, not a home.

We're building a beautiful

house on the beach.

Yeah, I know we're building,

Steve, but... thanks.

Look, I know we're building.

But how does that make

this different than how

we're living now?

Why?

You want to nest?

Yes.

Yeah, I want to nest.

Well, you know, I want a nest.

Don't you?

Nesting sounds so

old and boring, Alex.

I'm not talking about

wearing matching track suits

and watching "M A S H" all day.

I'm talking about

having a home...

I like "M A S H."

I'm talking about

having a home, OK?

Like a proper home, and

actually living in it.

[Scoffs]

What?

Nothing.

What?

[rapping on window]

[excited giggling]

Don't panic.

F*** it.

I have to keep the fans happy.

Sh*t.

Hey, girls!

Aren't they sweet?

Yeah.

[rapping]

[scoffs] Too funny.

[sighs] F*** off.

Don't be like that.

Can we please get

the f*** out of here?

What do you mean,

go somewhere else?

No, I mean-I mean go home.

It's not our home, Alex.

It's an apartment.

Oh, come on.

You know what I mean, just

get a movie, get some Thai.

Just you and me at our place?

Look, what's the problem'?

I want more, Steve.

All right?

I want to feel like

that we're a family

and that we're not just

f***ing around here.

We're building a house from

the ground up on the beach.

Now, that seems...

- Yeah, I want...

a little bit more

than f***ing around to me,

don't you think, Alex?

I want something real.

Well, this is not going to

be made out of f***ing LEGOs.

Not just about the house, Steve.

Well, what the... what

the f*** is it about?

Huh?

You tell me.

[burps]

Waiter.

[snaps fingers] Would

you like a drink?

No.

Two glasses of wine, please.

Red.

One.

Can you get me a bottle?

Hey, you want to

watch something?

No.

I'll leave it to you.

[woman moaning]

Well, good morning.

Good morning.

Are we ready to get excited?

If you're offering.

Whoo-hoo!

We found the ideal site.

Where?

- Down by Ocean Grove.

- Coffee time!

- Ocean Grove?

- Yeah, it's perfect.

What's wrong with that?

Well, it's his money.

Uh, here we go.

Cafe latte for you.

Thank you.

And a flat white for you, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Now, there's... there's

something I really want.

Ah, the S&M room.

All black, leather harness,

porn, mirrors on the ceiling.

Oh yeah, that's... that's funny.

No, I'm being serious.

OK, we're listening.

I want a nursery.

- Um...

- He means a [inaudible].

No, no, no.

No, I mean a nursery.

Yeah?

- Yeah, easy.

Easy.

Everyone should have a nursery.

Um, yeah.

Uh' easy, easy.

Look, um, yeah, we

could... we could

put one here, on the south side,

overlooking the herb garden.

You get that... that

morning light...

Morning sun, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, beautiful.

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