The Dressmaker

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1

(SOMBRE DRUMBEAT)

(DRAMATIC ACOUSTIC GUITAR)

(LIGHTER CLICKS)

I'm back, you bastards.

(DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)

(CAR DOOR SLAMS)

(CAR APPROACHING)

ls that, uh...

Dior?

Very good, Sergeant Farrat.

My design, but Dior-inspired.

Myrtle Dunnage.

Tilly.

- You grew up.

- You got old.

Sad, but true.

What have I done this time?

Fine leather...

can be irreparably damaged

by moisture and mildew,

Tilly.

How's my mother?

Molly... doesn't

get out much these days.

Did anyone... know

you were coming?

They'll know soon enough.

(DOOR THUDS, BOTTLES CLINK)

(CLINKING CONTINUES, RUSTLING)

Mum?

(COUGHS)

- (THUD!)

- Oh!

- (CLATTER!)

- (SIGHS)

WOMAN:
Have you come

about the possum?

You can't have him.

Because we wanna keep him,

don't we?

(BIRDSONG)

(GROANS)

(COUGHS)

TILLY:
Do you remember

Miss Harridene?

The schoolteacher?

(SIGHS)

(CLANG!)

- (LAUGHS)

- (BELL CONTINUES RINGING)

(GASPS)

Stewart Pettyman.

(BELL CLANGS LOUDLY)

Do you remember him?

HARRIDENE:
Left, right.

Left, right. Left, right.

He was Miss Harridene's favourite.

(GASPS) Miss Harridene,

she stained me.

- She stained me with the ink!

- Huh?

(WHIMPERS)

(SIGHS)

What about Mr Almanac?

The chemist?

I don't even know who you are.

Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm.

Sinners...

(BANG, CRASH!)

- (RATTLING)

- Ah!

We both remember Mr Almanac.

Apply three times daily.

Thank you, Mr Almanac.

Come on, Myrtle.

Your mother's a slut

and you're a bastard.

What about

Shire President Pettyman?

Hmm?

Now, there's a reason to vote.

- (BANG!)

- MAN:
Oh!

(RATTLING)

I don't know why

you've come to this... hole.

There's nothing here.

I came because...

I need you to remember me, Mum.

Mum?

I need you to remember

so I can remember.

Remember what?

Being my daughter? Hmph.

- That too.

- Fat chance.

What else?

Did I commit a murder?

(LAUGHS) What?

Am I a murderer?

Is that why I'm cursed?

You don't remember

committing a murder?

No.

Well... (SNIFFS)

it's not something

you're likely to forget.

I know.

What if you are a murderer?

I wouldn't be

in the least surprised.

- (SCREAMS) Murder!

- Stop it! Come on.

- Murder!

- Oh! Ah! Ooh!

- Help! Help!

- Don't... Oh!

- Ah!

- (PANTS)

Oh, Oh!

Murder!

' Molly! ' Oh!

Help! Help!

Ah! Ah!

Murder! Ah!

- Let me go, you b*tch.

- No, no, no. No! No!

- You've got to...

- (GROWLS)

- Molly, stop it!

- (YELLS)

- It's just a bath.

- (PANTS)

You're filthy dirty

and you stink, Mum!

Rape!

- Stop, stop...

- Rape!

Who in their right mind would be

up there raping Mad Molly?

A lady with little balls!

Knew there was a reasonable

explanation, Barney.

WOMAN:
Myrtle Dunnage is back.

Haven't seen her

since she was a kid.

She moved.

They sent her away, Barney -

for the good of us all.

Dunnybum's come home.

(CHUCKLES)

Wonder how she turned out.

RECORD:
Sock it all over town

People pointing at me

They call me a muddy cloud

You better meet me

Baby

Meet me with

your black dress on...

(HUMS)

You better meet me

- Eugh!

- Hey, babe...

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

HARRIDENE:
Sergeant Farrat!

I know you're in there!

My geraniums

have been assaulted!

- (SIGHS)

- (KNOCK AT DOOR)

(SOFTLY) Morning, Beulah.

HARRIDENE:
I'm sure

I saw that half-finished one,

Barney McSwiney,

peering at me

from on the top of the silo.

(HORN HONKS)

Ah. There's Elsbeth Beaumont.

Young William's back

from West Australia, I see.

My son.

Home at last.

Ready to embrace your future!

(SIGHS)

There's Mrs A.

Ah.

Yoo-hoo, Mrs Almanac.

Oh! Ooh!

Can't you help her with some

of them drugs of yours, Mr A?

Addictive!

All she needs is God's forgiveness

and a wholesome diet.

Oh! (PANTS)

- (PHONE RINGS)

- What?

Prudence, Mr Almanac's coming.

MOLLY:
Ah! She won't get me!

Whoa there! Gotcha.

Ah!

- By the light...

- Here's your mail.

- Of the silvery moon...

- (SIGHS)

- (BELL RINGS)

- (GASPS) Gert. Gert.!

It's William!

Pratt's. Hasn't changed.

Ah, the remittent son returneth.

Gertrude,

the Windswept Crest account.

Your silvery beams

will bring love's dreams

We'll be cuddling soon

(BLOWS KISS)

By the silvery moon...

Doesn't Reggie Blood

have a lovely singing voice?

(SIGHS)

I call Reggie the Perry Como

of Dungatar. (LAUGHS)

But much better-looking,

don't you think?

ELSBETH:
(SIGHS) William's back.

It's nice to see you home, William.

What? Oh.

Excuse us, Gert.

I was... only after some coils

of fencing wire, Mr Pratt.

I have your mother's unpaid accounts

of the last two years.

Comes to a total of 347,

10 shillings and 8 pence.

William's travelled.

He's very worldly these days.

(WHISPERS)

Does he have a lady friend?

Well, our Gert's

a handsome, capable girl.

She knows feedstock,

haberdashery...

(WHISPERS) Mother!

And what powders are lethal

to maggots and fly-struck merinos!

I'm afraid...

William will have to look

much further than here

for suitable... companionship.

Who lives at Mad Molly's now?

Mad Molly. Only she's dead.

Someone's alive, Mother.

They've lit a fire.

- She's back!

- Jesus!

The murderess is back!

(GASPS)

(MUSIC SWELLS)

Hmm.

Irma, the cushion!

(SQUEALS) You're off the paper!

Evan, you're off the paper!

It's going to rain tomorrow.

Windows will need cleaning

when it stops.

The latches and the doorknobs

need a good soaking as well.

Pet...

A situation has developed,

and until it's settled, I don't

want you leaving the house.

What things? What situation?

Well...

it's the grand final this weekend.

Footballers from Winyerp

will be coming

with their filthy boots

and their foul language.

Not coming into my house?

No, no, no. In the street.

You will be safe inside.

Now, my pet, have your tonic.

- Oh...

- Good girl.

Give you a little bit extra so you...

- There we go.

- Thank you.

(EXHALES)

There you go, pet.

Head on the pillow.

I can't see him.

25 years since Stewart's accident.

25 years since I lost my boy.

Pet?

(WHISPERS) Pet?

(CHEERING)

Go, Teddy!

On your left, Teddy!

- Go, Reggie!

- Move over, boy!

Oof!

Oh! Oh! Reggie!

Pick it up, Teddy!

- MAN:
Go, Teddy!

- Go, Teddy!

On ya, Teddy!

(YELLING)

(CHEERING)

Go, Teddy!

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Who's that?

Outside, outside, outside.

BOTH:
Oof!

Ah!

Don't look at her. Eyes on the ball.

Stop looking at her, boys!

Come on!

Farrat, stop her. Charge her.

With what? Sitting?

The nerve of that girl!

(CHEERING)

(CHEERING)

(GROANING)

- Goal.

- (SIREN WAILS)

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

- TEDDY:
G'day.

- On.

Your get-up's

distracting my players.

Well, I do have an unusual talent

for bias cutting.

- Yeah. Listen, Myrtle...

- I prefer Tilly.

Tilly, the only reason

these bastards haven't run

us McSwineys out of town too

is me dad empties

their shithouses

and I win 'em the footy.

We lose this match,

all I've got left is the sh*t.

Thank you, Teddy.

I know you and Mae have been

looking out for Molly.

You leaving?

No. I'm going to change.

MOLLY:
Been looking out

for me, have you?

Iced VoVo?

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