The Duke of Burgundy Page #2

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Ah, yes.

I make two types of bed

for what you want.

One where the compartment underneath

slides out and then back in,

or one where the bed mattress lifts up

and then can be pulled down

and locked once you're inside.

Once you're inside, it's the same.

It's just the sensation of being put in

and set free that is different.

Which one would you recommend?

The bed lifting up is often more favoured

than the drawer-style compartment.

Sometimes the drawers can get stuck.

Thankfully, that usually happens

when they're out, rather than in,

but it's a critical moment when they're

about to be locked up for the night

and then realise that they can't be.

Well, the bed lifting up

seems fine by me.

It's just a simple spring

that lifts the bed up.

Customers find the slamming effect of the

bed closing down on them very dramatic.

That bed is very popular.

I think I made one for someone

in the neighbourhood a few months ago.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah.

- Who was that?

- Ah, I can't remember her name.

Let me think...

It's the house with the wisteria porch

and yellow colonnade,

a few minutes down the lane.

- Yellow colonnade?

- That's got to be Ambrosia.

Is that her house?

She might have painted

the colonnade another colour,

but that's got to be Ambrosia.

I'm surprised you could make a bed

big enough for her to be locked in.

OK, then it's the same customer

I'm thinking of.

But yes, that design

is a lot more popular

and because of the spring,

it's easy to lift up.

With both designs,

there's a lock at each end of the bed,

but even without those,

the weight of one's lover sleeping on top

means that it's almost

impossible to escape.

- And...

- I can also add metal hooks to the inside

if you like having your hands and feet

tied to something.

That sounds perfect.

And how long does it take

once we've placed an order?

Oh, usually around eight weeks.

Eight weeks!

I'm afraid there's a lot of demand

and it takes time to make each bed.

Eight weeks?

Is there any way

you can offer a faster service?

It's just that Evelyn's birthday

is coming up

and I was planning this

as a present.

- Oh, it depends when your birthday is.

- Two weeks.

It will be my birthday in two weeks.

Two weeks?

It's impossible. I'm sorry.

We can offer you extra,

if it helps.

We have a mount

of extremely rare Satyrids.

You wouldn't find those

even in the museums.

They're worth far more

than Nymphalids or Burnets.

Evelyn's right.

It's a highly collectable mount.

I'm sorry, but I have too much pressure

from other customers.

And I cannot do it any sooner

than eight weeks. I'm so sorry.

Well, we'd have to discuss it,

anyway, before we order.

It's OK.

There will be another birthday.

If you like, we could look for something

that is not so much in demand.

The bed would have been perfect.

Would a human toilet

be a suitable compromise?

Really?

- Well...

- I really have to go now.

But wait.

Don't you want to hear about this?

Oh, I have to go.

I told you I had to leave.

I'm sorry for being so abrupt.

It was a pleasure meeting you.

It was a pleasure for me.

I'll be back in an hour,

will I meet you here?

I'll be here.

Don't make any orders

without consulting with me.

I won't, don't worry.

I'll let you know.

- Bye-bye.

- Bye.

So... there are two types available.

The basic model allows you

to experience...

What is that look?

There.

Just a little longer, please.

I'm in such agony.

Rubbing it's not going to help.

You need an ice pack

and some painkillers.

Do you want me to call a doctor?

No, it's OK.

My back does this every few years.

It'll get better.

Here.

Thank you.

Thanks.

- Tell me?

- OK.

You don't sound enthusiastic.

It says to be cold.

Yes, but not now.

And one thing I forgot to write -

don't talk about it.

- Just surprise me.

- I know, I know.

Well, you were a bit slow

to surprise me last time.

Well, it's not a surprise

if you're expecting it, is it?

I know, but... what I mean by surprise

is within 24 hours.

But not in the first hour,

because that wouldn't be a surprise.

OK, OK.

And not in the last hour, either.

I'm just all frustrated by then.

So within 22 hours, then?

Yes.

Anything else?

No.

Come in.

It's all done.

You rinsed the soap off?

Let's see if you've done

your job properly.

What's this doing here?

How long do I have to stay

in here for?

For as long as I want.

Are you sure you're going to be OK?

Can you breathe in there?

Yes!

Pinastri.

Pinastri.

Pinastri!

- What happened?

- Nothing.

- Just a mosquito bite.

- Aw.

I told you,

it's more fun to sleep with me.

Maybe you can put me back in there,

but just don't tie me.

Come to bed.

'This is all I ever dreamed about.

'This is all I ever dreamed about.'

Pinastri.

Lie down.

Open your mouth.

- Try turning the tap on.

- Shh!

- Why did you write about mole crickets?

- Why not?

Such ugly things.

No wonder they hide

under the ground.

Ugly maybe,

but beautifully eloquent.

Aargh!

- Are you OK?

- OK. Just about.

It would just be nice

if you volunteered to rub my back.

Sorry.

I didn't know you needed anything.

Well, you can see

that I'm in pain.

Well, it's not exactly inspiring

to see you dressed like that.

Good thing you're not a doctor, then.

That's really some look

you have there

Even the tramps are less shabby.

I'm starting to wonder why I bothered

buying you a whole wardrobe.

I need an instruction manual to get

into half of the things you buy me.

I would just like to feel comfortable,

thank you very much.

This is giving me a headache.

You're not going to turn it off?

Did you ask me to?

How long

do I have to stay in here for?

For as long as I want.

Morning, Lorna.

Do you want to go with me

to the library?

Hmm...?

What time is it?

It's around two.

I thought we could also

have an ice cream after.

Hmm... Another time.

The Institute will close for winter

any day soon.

I know.

So you're not coming, then?

I need to sleep if you're going

to put me in the trunk tonight.

That's news to me.

It would be nice if you did it

without having to be asked.

There used to be a time when my body

would just repair itself overnight.

It's all downhill from now.

Don't be such a pessimist!

You have many, many years left in you.

Oh, that reminds me.

On the subject of getting old.

- I spoke to Lorna the other day.

- I don't know why you bother.

What's that miserable sow

have to say, anyway?

She wanted to alert us

to some root problems with the birch.

She claims they might be

unsettling her foundations.

Let her claim away.

What a nonsense.

That tree rests too far from the house

to have any effect.

Ignore her.

She's nothing

but a bloated bag of trapped wind.

She also claims she spotted you polishing

Dr Schuller's boots in her backyard.

Tell me that's just another sly rumour.

Don't be ridiculous.

You know what Lorna's like.

Are you really going to get taken in

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